I’m literally having a panic attack. I’m reading all these articles about straight women watching lesbian porn and a lot of the articles say it doesn’t mean you’re a lesbian, but that you could be heading towards a bi lifestyle and I just can’t handle that. Like I don’t want to be bi, but I’m scared I am! I feel like my life is ruined and I’ll never be the same. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore. All I ever wanted was guys and now my head is messing with me and making me believe I’m now attracted to girls. It doesn’t make me happy at all! It just causes me anxiety and depression, but I feel like a lot of bi people talk about going through that. I wish I had never even watched porn. I feel like it’s caused all of this. Like that it could have made me bi. Now I hate myself for it. I can’t even hang out with any of my female friends anymore. My whole life is just ruined. Sorry to rant but it’s the only place I can.

Lesbian porn is what triggered my ocd when I was 14. I thought I was gay and now being 26 my ocd has evolved into other forms and I’ve come to know that many straight women enjoy lesbian porn because it’s more sensual and pays attention to the needs of the women and that’s what makes it so arousing, as opposed to straight porn when a guy is just ramming into a girl. I used to obsess so much and avoid lesbian things and now it got to the point me and my ex boyfriend used to watch lesbian porn together and I’ve met other straight friends who said they love lesbian porn and sometimes think about it to get off while with their boyfriend, but they still don’t identify as gay. You will overcome this! I did, but the ocd just switched themes on me and now I’m onto other things lol

Hey guys if you get triggered just remember my comment above! I’m not a know it all but I feel like I have some more credibility since i lived it for years and overcame this type of ocd. You can do this!! It takes a lot of exposure and talking to yourself. My therapist at the time helped me overcome it. Even though I’m onto other types of ocd I will never forget how much hocd consumed my whole life for a few years. Might be too much info but for the sake of this post, to this day I still get off on lesbian porn and have a hard time finishing from sex with a guy, and a lot of women have a hard time in general, but I know I’m not a lesbian. Everyone has fantasies, but it doesn’t mean you want to do it in real life. No matter what you are, there is no harm in having sexual thoughts wander in different directions. It’s the human imagination.

I’ve been reason so many articles. Read one about sexual arousal. Women tend to be aroused by anything that’s sexual content. There’s a big difference between desire and just watching porn. Your porn preference means nothing about you. Trust me, I’ve read TOO many articles. I feel like women have potential to be bi, don’t let that trigger you. BUT, the difference is they want to be bi/lesbian. We don’t, I don’t want to date a women and have sex with them. And I’m sure you don’t either. If you wanted guys before you will want them again, you’re just lay-off attention to your thoughts a little to much. But remember, porn preference means nothing. It’s not what you desire. It’s just what to like to watch.

I know and that thought calmed me down for such a long time but still its the source of my hocd. The thing that helps my hocd live on is thst im not attracted to boys anymore. And how tf am i supposed to know im straight when i litteraly sm not attracted to the opposite sex anymore and when i get these fake butterflys around girls. It makes it soo convincingg

Just want to say thank you to everyone that commented. You all really helped ease my anxiety a bit. If anyone else wants to talk, I’m there as well :)

I know girl i know im the exact same!!! I wish i never watched porn

I get anxious because i cant think clear snymore i forgot everything before hocd i dont know if my crushed were real even tho deep down i know they were and i dont knownhow i feel about girls, in the beginning i knew i hated it but hocd got me so used to the thought of being gay thst its normal in my head and i dont know if i hate it sbymore even tho it doesnt make me happy

Bi/lesbian women actually like the thoughts and want to explore further. We don’t! Ocd is tricking! So don’t worry. I’m starting to get better, I’ve felt terrible about my hocd. But I’m starting to learn again.

You knw what i hate is thst without attraction to boys im nothing when it comes to hocd. My biggest fear it to fall in love with a girl. And in the beginning of hocd i knew i didnt want to be with a girl and all because inknew what its like to be with a boy and i loved that and i prefered rhat waaaay over being with a girl. But now i havents felt attraction in about a year and i dont knnow whats real and whats not. So if i think about falling in love with a girl now i dont know what im “missing’ bevause i forgot what its like to actually like someone. It gets me so comfused. I need to feel the real thing again

@mentalhelp, it triggered me as well. But I kinda understand what he means. I think he just phrased it wrong. Bi/lesbian people don’t question for so long. Hocd people do, because any answer we tell ourselves, ocd won’t let us rest with it. At all. Bi/lesbian people do get and answer but the only way they aren’t okay with it is because of what society will think. But trust me, some hocd people have also gone as far to think about society.

Im sure not every bi or lesbian girl likes the thought because some are opressed and im scared im one of them. I mesn if i was gay it wouldnt be accepted so i ofcourse wouldnt explore and im scared im opressed and in denial but ive littersly liked boys. But now hocd convinced me thst i never liked boys.

Yeah I get what you mean, honestly it’s just because we’ve been thinking about to much. We’ve been thinking about girls all the time. Literally, and when the moment comes when we see another girl we feel awkward and weird. Well at least I do. And now I just notice girls everywhere. It’s the weirdest thing. I know I’m not lesbian nor bi. It wouldn’t make sense. Because even if I were to label myself that, Ik I wouldn’t go out and look for a female. I’d still look for a male.

Ok see that right there. Triggered me a bit, because what if I’m repressing my sexuality. I still don’t like the thoughts I’m having but I often get scared that they actually mean something.

I jusr completelt forgot what its like to like a boy. And i knew that i would prefer it waay over a girl. But if i think about a girl now all i get is fake attractions that makenme believe i like that and incsnt defend myself with that i like boys more because at this moment i feel nothing for them and i forgot what i used to feel

@HOCDDiagnosed it triggered me too. Because know we fear that it isn‘t HOCD and we are just trying to „repress our true sexuality“. I don‘t wan‘t to offend you but that was not the right comment under this kind of post. It‘s very triggering

@hocdgirlsummer okey thanks know I understand @HOCDDiagnosed comment a little bit better! Sorry for understanding it wrong, you know how HOCD works guys, everything is just triggers me...

@aquarius01 yeah it just caused me more anxiety

I’m sorry guys didn’t mean to trigger anyone just trying to help Just saying the more you aren’t bothered by sexuality then you can have a clearer picture of it without fear corrupting you. If there’s nothing to fear you won’t worry if you are gay or bisexual

Hi do you want to talk?

Have you ever tried box breathing? Breath in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4? The important thing about OCD is that you don't push the anxiety away but ride it out

I rant too on here litteraly my life is upside down i feel like i live in another wolrd. My other world was so cumfortable and happy and i could feel joy now i feel anxious aalll the time and uncomfortable and i thought i was getting better but ive been gettting so anxious again

Yeah that is right im the same but i was in a right state of mind for a long time and i didnt get anxious anymore but for some reason im completely freaking out again. Im like everything used to be so sure and even with hocd inwas like NO it doesnt even make sense but now i get this anxious feeling snd it says that it does make sense and when i tell myself it doesnt make sense it doesnt veel genuine snymore while it used to feel so genuine like i knew it didnt make sense but now i get all confuse

Ugh i feel horrible i been searching for reassurement after reassurement again. A horrible day

Yeah I feel a little triggered by that too @HOCDiagnosed. I feel the same as you @advice?

@jazzz1234 thanks, that really gave me hope! Im sorry to hear u have other kinds of ocd. Im sure thst u will overcome jt because u also overcame hocd! U got this

thanks @jazzz1234! that helped a lot! :)

I’m sorry but that statement doesn’t help at all @ciz

It’s ok @ciz I understand better what you were trying to say

No I’m saying if you weren’t scared of being gay or bi then you would have a clearer picture and would know one way or the other but right now you won’t because your vision is so blurred of fear

@ciz thank you for Commenting! I get what u mean and your completely right, we will get a clearer vision if we werent scared of it. But after we have that we most likely wont be bi/gay. We fear this because its not us, were not really gay bi, its not in our system and for us its not natural. That explains why we fear it so much, its because were scared we will lose our identities. acceptig being bi or gay isnt really the problem with hocd, thats the problem of someone in the closet. For is the problem is to stop being afraid of being bi/gay so that we can see it was our brain messing with us all the time and that we never really changed even when we thinkwe did. So its kind of triggering for us to hear someone saying that we might actually have lost our identities by acrually being bi/gay instead of having hocd but i totally understand that u didnt meant it in a rude way and u were only trying to help, so thank u for the support :)

No problem hope you recover

Thank you @rosie28 for that! I’m going to try it because I had a serious panic attack a few minutes ago.

Okay thats a big fact right there.

Everything you’ve said I totally relate to @hocdgirlsummer ! This all totally sucks! :(:(

It was triggering at first but hocddiagnosed said after it was true, if wenwere gay we wouldve brushed it of if we were opressed. Maybe not freak out like this. I dont know if thats true but i can see the logic behing that

well we’re not happy and I have fears about how I would be perceived by everyone, so that makes me feel like my situation is similar to that one...plus we’re all trying to get the idea out of our heads like the bisexuals/homosexuals are “brushing it off and ignoring it.” I know you didn’t mean to trigger and I’m not mad, I’m just explaining how it scared me. @HOCDiagnosed

Yes thats exacrly hocd.

I think you should accept there is nothing wrong with being bisexual and gay and watch a tv show like orange is the new black . You can’t make a decision until you know who your re

What did?