- Date posted
- 2y
Cheating OCD Not Getting Better
I’ve suffered from this theme on and off now for years. And it’s focused around this one stupid event in the past. I’ve explained it in a previous post. Short story I feel I micro-cheated on my wife by putting on deodorant before going out the door to help a friend of hers who I find attractive. Her friend asked me. I didn’t go out of my way to ask her. I didn’t do anything questionable on that day besides put deodorant on and somehow my mind has latched onto it. My wife even knew who I was with and where we were going. I feel I was trying to gain attention because I know it smells good. I found an article online that emphasized “micro cheating”. A list item in there says “Dressing up or wearing perfume to impress someone” and now I equate that to what I did. I feel that this is cheating. It’s bad and I need to confess to my wife. I broke down and confessed to her last year that I wore deodorant to “impress” someone but didn’t specify who. I didn’t want to mess up their friendship. She seemed to gloss over what I said and wasn’t really affected by it. I keep going back to it thinking “If only you knew it was THIS person it would be 1000 times worse! You didn’t tell her the whole truth! You’re trickle-truthing!” I’m my mind she would be be devastated if I told her and divorce me so the fact that I haven’t told her is living a lie”. I hate this so much. I feel my entire life with her is riding on me keeping this inside and if I let it out it’s game over. Divorce. Homeless. Custody battles. Financial ruin. Everything. Any time divorce is brought up in movies or anything I am triggered. I just want this to go away. But the fact that it hasn’t leads me to believe it’s legit guilt and not just OCD and I’m using OCD as an excuse. Has anyone successfully conquered this type of theme? Or does it only really end in a confession.