i hate my boyfriend and i hate my friends and my mom is getting worse with her sickness and i miss my dead cat and i hate everyone and everything right now i miss being young and i really just miss my cat and when my mom was healthy
I’m sorry you’re feeling so much pain right. Why do you feel this way towards them?
@JordTheNord i rushed into a relationship after my cat died because it was the first guy who actually gave me attention and now because i hate change i cant bring myself to leave because as said im scared to embrace change... as for my friends. idk. we arent on the same wavelengths anymore. i feel so ahead of myself because im in college and im graduating very soon with a possible job placement (im 19) and everyone i know (my boyfriend and my friends) arent even close to where im at... im not trying to boast in the slightest. i just dont feel a connection with anyone my age anymore. and i really just really miss my cat.
Maybe you should ease back on the word hate. I’m not saying you are not experiencing extreme emotional dislike or just pain in general but be careful when you breathe that word into your being. Also, congrats on your success and moving forward! I’m also very sorry to here about your cat. An animal companion can have a stronger bond than a human beings. If you do not feel the connection and have outgrown you’re environment it is time to change the scenery. I know you struggle with change and really could hate it but right now it seems like it’s your saving grace. The change will bring the connections you are missing out on. You might be scared of the unknown but you have so much room to welcome in positivity and connection in your life with change because apparently you aren’t getting what you NEED.
@JordTheNord thank you so much. i know i can be really harsh when it comes to lashing out/word hate, ive been told by my therapist to try and hold back on it. but sometimes it just gets so hard to hold back. im never one to kill with kindness which i know is really immature, but it is just so HARD to not use harsh words. regardless, thank you for your help. most of the time when i get like this its just because im overwhelmed with things that are going on in my life atm, so i take it out on others. which i acknowledge is wrong. although i could really benefit from the change right now, i dont want to make any drastic changes that might plunge me deeper, yk? again, thank you so much. i really appreciate your help.
@chernobylbaby Oh for sure. I never thought you were just hating to hate. I can tell and could only imagine your pain. You’ve acknowledged and you’re doing your best. A lot of ppl actually have that issue. You’re not alone. It is hard sometimes for even good change. We just have to do it. I always say if I’m unhappy with something I need to change it and I’d I don’t give the effort I don’t have a reason to complain. That usually helps me stay calm and or do the change because I don’t want to be my own hypocrite which we all sometimes fall victim of ourselves
Today my mom broke down crying because of how much stress she feels having to take care of me, she said I can’t do anything in terms of being able to take care of myself and she’s right I can’t, she breaks down constantly because of me, I don’t know what to do, it’s been like this for years, part of me feels like the only way to save her is to kill myself, I don’t want to die, but it feels like the only way to set her free, I don’t think anyone but her would miss me anyways, I feel utterly hopeless. I’m not going to do anything to myself the voices are just SCREAMING that I need to. I can’t work, I can’t go to school, I’m trying desperately to get therapy, I don’t know what else to do, I wish I was a child again and I felt like I had a chance to be okay. I love my mom so much and she loves me and I’m killing her, I’m actually killing her, with how fuckinh worthless and pathetic I am, it’s too much, I miss being a kid.
TW// self ha rm this is a lot so sorry in advance have been very depressed recently, OCD is kicking my a**. I have been thinking negatively and about not being here in this world pretty intensely. I’ve also just been crying and sometimes hurting myself in a fit of rage. i have been very aggressive to the people i care about, family like mom and grandma or my pets (not being gentle when picking up or holding and or yelling/screaming(this only happened yesterday)… i have felt really bad about this as this is not okay and unfair to the people around me especially my cats because they don’t understand and I wouldn’t want someone being rough with me and or yelling/screaming for not a reasonable reason. my cats are fine and they want to be around me but i still feel so bad. I cried and hugged them and apologized . But i feel it is not enough . also i just feel upset at everyone around me who has failed me but i have become so mean and nasty i just hate this. i cry for so long i dont want to be like this im just so stressed and upset but i have been trying to calm down and if I feel like an outburst is coming i try to direct it somewhere healthier as of rn. im just sad and also i have to go on a trip soon i planned it for myself but i dont wanna cancel i just feel like i ruin everything. ive been diagnosed with so much like borderline, major depression, adhd, histrionic disorder like wtf i feel so not normal and I’m just upset.
my grades are super bad, my ex moved on, i have no real friends at all, and i feel empty inside. i feel nothing but i feel so many emotions at the same time. i wish i would’ve done better in life. i push people away but then complain about being lonely. me and my ex broke up 8 months ago and i still can’t get over him. he got a girlfriend a week after our breakup and it makes me think about so many things. i’ve talked to guys after that but none of them are the same, i got this feeling with him i got with nobody else and it hurts to know i won’t ever get it back. i feel like im not good or pretty enough for anyone. i feel to difficult for a relationship and to tired. i compare myself to his new girlfriend all the time and i can’t stop. why can’t i be as pretty as her? what was so wrong with me that we had to stop talking? we talk every month as friends but it lasts an hour. my heart craves his love again but i know i won’t ever get him back. i remember this one time i tried cutting off all contact with him because of his girlfriend. when i did, he said he didn’t wanna fully let me go because im a good friend to keep around and he knows ill always be there. i don’t know if he still means that because it’s been months but he still texts me first sometimes. i know i need to let go but im stuck in life and i just need him to help me like he always would. but i cant get his help so i feel stuck and confused and sad and empty.
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