- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Maybe you could tell him about it and ask not to give you reassurance when you ask for it..?
- Date posted
- 5y
I get similar, I get a lot of OCD thoughts about my relationship. I can't promise it'll work but I stopped asking for reassurance in order to break that cycle, and I find it eventually makes it easier
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve been having VERY similar issues, and still haven’t managed to cut off reassurance all together (I am getting better at recognizing what’s valid reassurance to seek in a relationship, and what’s compulsive reassurance seeking). That being said, as a compromise until I can get over the compulsion all together, my partner and I have established a routine where, if I can’t get past an obsessive thought, and it’s trending toward a panic attack (I DO attempt to sit w/ the obsession until that point), I squeeze their hand (to ask “are we ok”), and receive a squeeze back (signalling “we ARE ok”). I know there might be those on this site who disagree w/ this arrangement, but its a lot less time consuming, and still requires me to move past an obsessive thought w/out excessive reassurance. I consider it a stepping stone as I work toward ignoring the compulsions 100%.
- Date posted
- 5y
This stuff is hard, and I’m wishing all the best!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you for all your responses ❤️ I’ve been nervous to post on this app, but this really made me feel like I’m not alone in this. I have mentioned to him not to reassure me and to ask if this might be an OCD thought but I only said that once so still a system we need to get used to but I will reiterate that to him. I did like the hand squeeze suggestion but sadly it’s long distance at the moment (different time zone too) so no way that’s possible, probably what’s making the OCd of disappointment worse ... anyway I will tell him not to reassure me
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
How do you guys get past the anxiety? I feel like my thoughts are the only thing that control my mind. So often I feel like I should just leave my partner even tho I love them so much because I just feel like these thoughts are too much. I over analyze everything. I feel so stuck and defeated. I just want to be normal. I feel so toxic for the thoughts that I have
- Date posted
- 20w
So, I know my capacity to get fixated on things. And it's normally something that's relatively remote but, my latest issue is really getting to me and I was wondering if people have any advice. I'm avoiding getting too into specifics, as I don't want this to get reassurance-y but, in essence.. I came to the realisation recently that people who I'd been "friends" (feels like the wrong term now) when I was younger were not very nice people, and normalized a lot of very unpleasant behaviour towards other members of the group. They really normalized it, sold themselves as figures of authority, as older and more responsible and grown-up than others, and looking back, they acted horribly. And coming to this realisation, that I'd been manipulated into just accepting their behaviour has just... broken me. My OCD has latched onto it and I can't stop feeling irreversibly tainted by it. I've talked to others about it, and they've reassured me, told me it's not a big deal and that I hold myself to too high a standard, but none of that sticks. I feel better for a bit, then think 'Maybe when you told them you were skewing it to make yourself look better' or 'Did you leave out a crucial detail'. I keep ruminating over and over, trying to remember exactly how everything played out, trying to figure out if I fed into the behaviour, if I did something bad myself (because y'know, I feel like I was accepting of it at the time, so what does it say about my own values?). I know I need to stop doing all this if I want to improve, but then some part of me keeps saying 'So, you're just going to let yourself off the hook then?' Normally, I can rationalize my own fears to some degree, assure myself something won't happen, but the realness of the situation, and the fact I only came to understand the reality of it because the thought had been bothering me means it feels so much more all-encompassing. I know confessing in itself is a compulsion, but I keep feeling that if I'm not I'm somehow concealing what I 'really am' from others around me, and any positive interactions are me deceiving them in some way. I feel like I can't enjoy anything in life right now, and a good part of me feels I should not enjoy it ever again. If anybody has any advice on it, I'm all ears. Or even hearing if you relate to these feelings, I might appreciate the solidarity at least.
- Date posted
- 16w
Does anyone else struggle with object permanence in relationships? Like whenever my partner is out of the house I immediately think negatively or I find things wrong with the relationship or him… For background my partner and I always fight over chores (I know it’s common but it’s annoying) I definitely pull more weight than him and I think he has ADHD, which makes him struggle to help and be aware of helping. Lately we’ve been somewhat good with splitting meals and dishes whatever, I know it can change with work stress, fatigue whatever. But last week my partner was out of the house watching his uncle’s dog so he was barely home. He was sleeping over at his uncles house and would come home for meals sometimes and stuff like that. I started becoming super fixated on him not helping with the dishes before he left and would constantly feel urges to yell about it. Even though the week prior everything was good when it came to that (sometimes with my ROCD I’ll even question myself and be like was it?) so I have started 4 separate fights arguing about dishes and chores and mentioning that he doesn’t help enough and if this continues I’ll have to leave… it’s so hard for me to snap out of it and just realize that he was going back and forth and didn’t think to help because he was busy with helping his uncle. And then I get such a negative view of him in my head that I nitpick his appearance, I make comments, etc, because my underlying fear is he doesn’t care to help, he will never change, and we will fail. So it’s almost like I’m looking to have a reason to run before I actually need to? It’s a constant cycle for me and I’m truly so exhausted by myself. But also relationships are so hard for me because I struggled SO much with trying to depend on others that I almost don’t let myself depend on others…. Any advice is appreciated but also just like do you also experience this? Thank you & pls be kind 🥺🥺🥺
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