My faith is ruined

I just realised that the faith i had in God was i fairy tale to make myself feel good. I doesnt say God deasnt exist, i still think He does, but i dont feel so safe now... I believed that if im with God, if i serve Him, if i believe in Him, he will give me a good life(not an easy but a good life) and he will save me from horrible things... but i was wrong. I learned that God lets bad things happen cause He gave us free will. If something bad happens it doesnt means that he made that but he allowed it cause people do what they want. So i realized i can get harmed, killed, tortured by people cause God doesnt interferes with that...He doesnt enjoys it, he hates it, He suffers with me but He doesnt do anything cause of free will. So the "i have faith in God that i will be safe" is losing its value...We just went to the beach, the trip was 7 hours and i was so afraid that we will get into an accident. I said i trust in God that we will be there safe... but then i thought God cant interfere on free will so if someone will run into us then He just let it to be... So this fear doesnt go away, before it helped to say trust God and i will be safe, but now i know its not the case... i can get killed or die anytime, God will not interfere with it... I still believe in God bit now nothing can make this fear go away cause not even God can give me full safety... And no "the heaven will be better" and "maybe dying isnt as bad as we think" doesnt helps... my suicidal ocd just turns on... I understand the logic, why He doesnt interferes, but no mather how strong christian you are, you cant say anything back to "what if i die" cause God just lets it happen one day...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

anonocd

Date posted: 2y

Spiritual life matters much more than biological life. Don’t worry away your spiritual life with: “what if I die”. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ Note how it says “which transcends all understanding”.

Mr. Motivation

Date posted: 2y

@anonocd That’s very good thank you! Been dealing with this lately! 🙏🏼

James1455

Date posted: 2y

Ive been exactly where you are. When I was in my early 20's the things I thought and felt because of OCD made me believe I would never have a wife or child. I thought I had to die alone and this made me suicidal. But I prayed, and I pushed as hard as I could to get closer to God despite feeling like I wasn't getting anywhere. And I wasn't getting anywhere on my own, but then Jesus stepped in. And he's brought me to where I am. I have a wife that knows everything about me and still loves me. And a five month old daughter who is hilarious. I know how pointless and hopeless it can all feel but if you want to make it through, give it all to Jesus. And as far as luck goes... I don't believe there's such a thing.

James1455

Date posted: 2y

Anonocd is right, I think you're at a place where a lot of Christians question their faith and understanding. It doesn't mean that you're wrong for lacking faith or that you're wrong for thinking God "just let's it happen one day". And you're not wrong for having the fear of dying, but you have an opportunity to grow by learning that even though you will almost certainly die, just like almost everyone else you don't have to fear death. If you have accepted the gift of salvation from Jesus then death can't touch you. When you pass you'll be right there with him, it's tough to overcome fear but I think a lot of what Jesus asks of us and commands us is tough. But anything he wants us to do or have is better than anything else. Anytime you feel stuck, pray and seek him. He'll be there.

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Im not just afraid of death... i never had a girlfriend, i want a wife and i want kids, but i never had an opportunity to have a girlfriend... if i would die tomorrow i think i wouldnt go to heaven cause i would be really angry at God that he didnt gave me the condidence to have a girl... i would treat a girl soo well, but i never got any, and those who doesnt deserve gets many... And the other thing is that then the saying that "trust in God and good things will happen to you" is not true cause if God dont want to interfere in our free will then there are just few things that He can control... Maybe the good things i got, I didnt even get from Him, i just had luck... And to that sentence that we dont have to fear death cause we will be with Him, some even say they're waiting for death cause then they will be there in heaven in peace... and when you suffer you will have thoughts of wanting to die... where this will get you? Many times when i suffered i had this thought that if i would die i would be happy in heaven and then i got scared that im becoming suicidal...

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Everyone hold on to their earthly lifes, cause if they wouldnt everyone would become suicidal cause in heaven its better then here...

anonocd

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Paul talks about this: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭21‬-‭25‬ So, friend, stay here for a little while longer and help those you can help. Love and be loved. Have faith brother. “Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭6‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Jesus Is Kin...

Date posted: 24w

Sad

I'm Christian and I struggle with being close to god a lot but lately I just feel like I will never near a full relationship with god because of this not only that my heart physically hurts because I think about how I want god to allow me to get married and have kids but I don't think that's his will for me I feel like it will never happen and my heart hurts thinking about it and even if god does allow that blessing to come my way l'm afraid I'm going to end up hurting my husband or committing adultery and I'm afraid how he would react to my past and old relationship and ocd I don't think it will ever go away not because I don't think god is powerful enough I know he is I just think he wants that to be my story for the glory of his name and because it keeps me close to him idk I just my heart hurts thinking about not being married and not having kids but l'm trying to accept that in case that isn't his will for me it just really hurts my heart physically im thinking of starting therapy but im scared it wont do anything or God will get upset with me that I couldn’t do it with just him i got put back on pills and im gonna end up going back to therapy i get afraid of death and other things now idk I just don’t wanna upset god

PRIV8

Date posted: 16w

Questioning my faith or ocd

Since I started to accept that maybe some of the problems i deal with might be things that i should accept cause either way I feel shame if i have these thoughts, and i think that being that person is shameful. I'm struggling these days and I noticed I have thoughts about God not being real, not helping me, questioning if its real and these thoughts makes me feel shame. But i keep accepting it cause Im tired that i feel like im lying to myself and everytime i feel like im avoiding the truth, so I try to accept it that its okay that im having these problems(I do the same with suicidal ocd,I start to accept maybe its real) but since im doing this I noticed it makes me depreassed cause of shame. Made things worse, I always spin about shame that it might be true, i try tk accept it but it doesnt work, I feel like maybe i should go back and label every feeling and thought as ocd but i know i wouldnt be free cause i would feel like im trying to make myself feel better... But if its ocd, how can I decide its that if I have the emotions like im losing my faith, I get angry when i hear about faith, sometimes i feel like i really question it, have thoughts like i dont want to have faith...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Jacklyngrant

Date posted: 14w

questioning why God would allow this

Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?

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My faith is ruined

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