Slowly losing my faith/Problem of evil

Im sure many christians were here before or are still here... I feel like im slowly losing faith. The God that i thought is real is an imagination, and the real God is not that good God as a saw it... its about the problem of evil...Before i thought if i believe, God will help me get through hardships, doesnt let me down, will protect me from harm. Im not talking about bad things that makes us learn something, a better person and stronger... actually i like those things, i like to make myself a better/stronger person. But there are things that doesnt give you any teaching, its just puts you down, you feel alone, brakes you... Before i thought noone can harm me cause God is witj me... but now i learned that God doesnt interferes with free will... so God sended us here to suffer. Then people say "in heaven it will br better" i dont care... im living in this life now. These "in heaven it will be better" is just a stupid promise to avoid the pain now... and it triggers me. Cause i have suicisal ocd and when people say dying maybe its not that bad cause you will be with God, i just think okay then why suicide is a sin then? Why God sends us here? To suffer? Before i really had a loving picture aboit God but the more i read about the bible its just makes me think like he is a cruel God... and i dont feel any love for him,.i just feel anger...and thats why i think this isnt the real God... you feel love for God. God doesnt want you to fear, i was like that, cause i thought he will lead me and protect me,.but i jist learned that he doesnt do that... so theres nothing to cope with a fear... cause everyone can come and harm us and my family,.God will not protect us...So you still fear about your family getting harmed or you dying... and the stupid promise that "in heaven it will be better" doesnt help, then God put us here to watch as as a circus... There are alot of people who experienced the worse things and they dont want to hear from God,..how they should if they all experienced was loss and grief... God put them on earth to suffer and then He sends them to suffer...Its a really loving God... Again i dont say we should have an easy life, never have any problems... but everyone says You can lean on God in bad times,.He will help you, he can do anything, yet he will not protect you from danger, you have to accept that Evil rule this world and it will be better in heaven... I miss the loving God i had my relationship with...

Religion & Spirituality OCD

LeaLiz

Date posted: 2y

Hi, I hope you are doing well ❤️Through all your thoughts & emotions I hope you can feel love again for God. I don’t have an answer to your questions but I know that God is Love & loves us unconditionally. He’s also able to restore, including your relationship with Him and how you see Him. I hope you find encouragement and love to keep the faith 💕

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

Hi thank you, i felt better, now im having problems again, its wavy but its a journey. The biggest problem is that I identify myself with these thoughts and emotions and then i feel shame. Like when i dont feel good, i read things like what you wrote down and because im angry i get these thoughts "i dont care about Gods love, i just want to feel better, why He doesnt help me" and i feel angrier and like all is just a fake story, and then i identify myself with these and feel shame that when things gets hard, i blame God for not helping me or im not interested in His love... what kind of relationship is that? I feel really bad about this, but if i dont identify with it and say its just ocd I feel like i just say it to get myself out of the problem and to not accept that im not that good of a person,and i just take advantage of God... its really hard to see whats the problem, im dealing with just ocd or im just not a true believer...

LeaLiz

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Yes! It’s definitely a journey. It helps me to remember “this too shall pass”. Having certain thoughts used to ruin my day and I’d label it as a “bad day”; now I see it as a moment of weakness in a good day. It’s all a part of the journey and we are loved every step of the way. This can take time to process as well. Be honest with God about how you feel & open to the ways He is present in your situation. Sometimes it doesn’t always look like what we’d expect. You are a true believer & dealing with OCD. I recommend Mark Dejesus on YouTube- he has a video on heart healing when you’re angry at God and how you interpret your thoughts. I try to remember that Jesus is greater than OCD and that these thoughts are not a threat to my salvation. Praying for you on your journey as well!

PRIV8

Date posted: 2y

@LeaLiz I watch Mark Dejesus, he helped me alot, even know i realized what he always says its true for me,that there are real problems for ua but with ocd we get out from that road and we make up problems and then lose the real problem. I want to work with music and ocd attacked this too, to the point where i feel like i dont really enjoy music, i just want to do it to be noticed... Anyway just now i thought about what kind of music i would do and there was a feeling that i shouldve had dealt with but imediately ocd made up other problems and i lost the original thought, and even know idk what was it, and im a little worried that maybe music isnt for me...

LeaLiz

Date posted: 2y

@PRIV8 Just remember that ocd attacks things you love, like your faith and music. With time I believe you can start to enjoy these things again. Be compassionate, kind and patient with yourself. OCD is like a faulty brain setting. It’ll get better with time. I love watching his videos lol I even fall asleep to them sometimes when I’m stressed out or unable to get out of my head. When I get off track, I try to gently redirect to where I actually want to go. Music is great therapy and fun to listen to- maybe take a break or approach it one song at a time. I think it’s good that you recognize where OCD is having an influence. Half the battle is even recognizing it

Jacklyngrant

Date posted: 20w

questioning why God would allow this

Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?

Cammy123

Date posted: 11w

Religious OCD

So about 2 years ago I gave my life to Jesus. I've always been a "Christian" but never truly lived liked one. Honestly never truly felt love for them until 2 years ago. It was the best couple months of my life!!! I felt so happy and loved and unstoppable! I thought this fire for God & Jesus will never burn out. One day I had a thought about is God real? It bothered me so bad and I went into a massive spiral. Doubting everything. My faith. if I was good enough. Am I really saved? Do I have enough faith? Is my doubt real? Is it too much? Have these blasphemous made God not want me anymore? Or Jesus? :( But I knew I was and that they were real! I know I've heard them. Then I started having horrible blasphemous thoughts but then it would go back to doubting thoughts then back to the blasphemous ones. I hated the thoughts and doubts. The thoughts are so mean towards God, Jesus & HS. It’s anywhere from evil thoughts to cussing thoughts to rejection thoughts/denying. Demonic thoughts. Literally anything bad you could think of! Even thoughts of if I really love them or wanna follow them. I learned about OCD from what I've looked up but I've been dealing with this for about 2 years now. It's hard. I doubt if it’s OCD. Definitely feel like I'm trapped or my faith isn't the same. Which makes me sad because I want my faith! I feel like I've gotten lazy and honestly that I don't deserve them or am "too far gone" from them. I feel like idk how to be a Christian or how to have faith or just exist tbh. I wanna love God & Jesus! I want faith! I just feel kinda stuck. Has anyone gone through this or has advice or tips?

Religion & Spirituality OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

My mind seems to be imploding in on itself

So, alot has changed. I'm Christian and currently believe we are in the end of times. It's changed my whole perspective on life. I quit my job and moved back in with family, starting to go to church, apologized to those I hurt except, one person who I talked to two family members and they told me to delete the message and with my other apology ( that i also believed was God telling me to confess in 2020) i lied at some parts because of shame and confusing myself most likely intentionally. I confessed everything to my dad and he says since i turned from it, repented, that i need to let it go and continue forward. Since then, my minds been saying that I'm outside of God's will and everything's gone down hill. I had also prayed that God exposed me and now it's like all this evil and wickedness that feels like it's coming out of my heart settles into my chest. I've prayed to God, worshipped to God, but thoughts and images of being sent to hell or my loved ones pops into my head and I've gone to sleep twice each night accepting the fact that because of me not doing so may have doomed me and my loved ones and I feel scared that I got so tired and stopped fighting it. I've had ocd since I was 7 but it just is so scary because it's hitting down to the wire and I'm scared that I was never a child of God at all I mean I have iniquity I thought I repented for but people I love still struggle with what I've done and I prayed for them and tried to help them and suggest therapy but I haven't did what I could to make it right like I should've. But these images and thoughts they're horrible. I feel like I'm against God truly and I'm like Lord change the circumstances and I won't resist so that I can preach Your word and everyday I feel like I'm gambling. It's like every thought is biblical for the most part. I don't want to kill myself cuz what if I have a chance that God will have mercy on me but....

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Slowly losing my faith/Problem of evil

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