Slowly losing my faith/Problem of evil

This is for my christian people, I wish there would be a community group for religious people. I wrote another post where I shared that my dog has something, he vomited out the food he ate for 2 days and now he doesnt want to eat, but he is still energetic and playful. But it scares me cause I dont know if its serious or not, we want to wait it out until we take him to the vet, but still if we would take him we have to wait some days... So uncertainty is really hard. I prayed for him and after that I felt like I dont trust that God will heal him, cause there are still uncertainties. Maybe im hard with myself but i expect that trusting means that I dont feel high anxiety and it gives me a feeling of calmness/peace. I dont feel that now. There were many times when i prayed for healing and there were no healing, so then i said i will never ask for healing but to be as God wants it to be and be with me and help me go through it. This helped me until something happened. I follow 2 man who is christian and at first one of them said to me that I need to trust that God can heal, and if i dont then i should work on that. I thought about it but then ignored it, until i heard it from the second person when i asked him about what to do when i have a health problem and the first thing he said was that I have to trust in the healing power of God... and that made me see that I dont trust it. I question it cause there were times when healing did not came, but i dont expect Him to come down everytime and fix my problems. But if I have to be the one who figures out what I have to do and after all that struggle I find it and say "It was God" that makes me question my faith... I can see someone saying that you just labeled it to God when it was you. I dont say this is the truth but how should i trust God will help me when at the end of the day its on me what will happen,many times its on others too and God wont come down and change me or those people. Then how God helps?

Hi friends. I recently had a relapse with OCD and I haven’t felt that real intense pain/fear/panic since I was first diagnosed 3 years ago. It was awful. I’ve been on medication and going to therapy for some time, and I am happy to report I have grown a lot. Long story short, it’s just become a burden for me recently trying to understand why this had to happen to me (and all of you). When I first started following Jesus, it was such a spiritual high. I had so much peace and joy, and I think within that first year with Him I became obsessed with the Bible and learning as much as I could. I think it was a sweet time, but suddenly a switch flipped. I became concerned that all my head knowledge, though I took to heart, became all I cared about. Then all the intrusive thoughts started, and you know the rest. I was relieved when I got my diagnosis, to know that scrupulosity is even a thing. But today, I sit and realize my OCD has taken on other forms (existential/fear of going insane) and then of course I started asking God “why me?”. And then… of course.. I feel bad for asking that. And then it triggered that same old feeling that I’m not in right standing with God. It’s so meta I can’t take it. Does anyone wonder why this had to be? I know the typical answers “we live in a broken world” and “God will use this for His glory” but is anyone just able to sit in that frustration, and work it out? I want to keep fighting, try understanding, like there’s this itch in me that I need to “figure out” something. But I know God isn’t the voice that’s speaking that to me. But gosh, it’s so brutal and hard. I believe God is carrying me through this. 2 Corinthians 12 has been a blessing for this. I just feel so weak. I get upset this is happening, start doubting God, and then feel guilty. It’s a stupid cycle and I see it. I have a very intellectual mind, and I find that most people with this kind of OCD share this trait. But it’s like, the logic doesn’t help. I just want God to sit in my bedroom and tell me it’s real, my faith is intact, and to keep trusting. I don’t know why He won’t do that for me, and I feel guilty for even feeling that way. Anyways, I don’t know what I’m seeking here, but for anyone feeling this way, know you’re not alone. I deeply love you all, even though we are all strangers. 1 Peter 5:9… right?

So, alot has changed. I'm Christian and currently believe we are in the end of times. It's changed my whole perspective on life. I quit my job and moved back in with family, starting to go to church, apologized to those I hurt except, one person who I talked to two family members and they told me to delete the message and with my other apology ( that i also believed was God telling me to confess in 2020) i lied at some parts because of shame and confusing myself most likely intentionally. I confessed everything to my dad and he says since i turned from it, repented, that i need to let it go and continue forward. Since then, my minds been saying that I'm outside of God's will and everything's gone down hill. I had also prayed that God exposed me and now it's like all this evil and wickedness that feels like it's coming out of my heart settles into my chest. I've prayed to God, worshipped to God, but thoughts and images of being sent to hell or my loved ones pops into my head and I've gone to sleep twice each night accepting the fact that because of me not doing so may have doomed me and my loved ones and I feel scared that I got so tired and stopped fighting it. I've had ocd since I was 7 but it just is so scary because it's hitting down to the wire and I'm scared that I was never a child of God at all I mean I have iniquity I thought I repented for but people I love still struggle with what I've done and I prayed for them and tried to help them and suggest therapy but I haven't did what I could to make it right like I should've. But these images and thoughts they're horrible. I feel like I'm against God truly and I'm like Lord change the circumstances and I won't resist so that I can preach Your word and everyday I feel like I'm gambling. It's like every thought is biblical for the most part. I don't want to kill myself cuz what if I have a chance that God will have mercy on me but....