Rocd question

I feel guilty because everything reminds me of my ex, and i have a bf this year we are hitting 5 years together. Idk if this is rocd related, but for some time everything reminds me of my ex, but specially songs. For example, we have a trip planned for next year and i feel scared to go because it’s where i use to live before, and my ex use to live around, and i dont want to go because i dont want to remember things, or get images of him and us while we were together. And it affects me as well as how i am in the relationship, i distance myself and for some reason treat my bf different because of how i feel and these thoughts, i feel like a liar, and it makes me sad that my bf has to go through all this

icg3

Date posted: 2y

I feel you. It’s not exactly the same for me, but I get the part of your mind reminding you of past things. It will be so random too that something barely related to something else will make your mind remember things from your past. And I completely get it because there’s times where I’ve been hanging out with my boyfriend, and I feel guilt in remembering things from my past out of nowhere. But just try to think of it as just memories. They don’t hold any influence over you at this point in time. Nothing from your past would change your decisions and bond with your current boyfriend. What I try to do is form a new memory with my current boyfriend to replace any past memory that might come up depending on the environment or situation. And also remember that your mind is prone to suggestion, and always looking for something to attach to relating to your OCD. Try not to take it to personal or deeply

Anonimo05

Date posted: 2y

@icg23 Thank you!! It’s really difficult, i want to go out etc with my boyfriend but then i hold back because of my thoughts

icg3

Date posted: 2y

@Anonimo05 just remember that you both are going through something. You and your boyfriend , and sometimes you just have to get angry at it to not allow it to keep taking away from you and your relationship. Of course, you should prioritize yourself in order to get better, but also think of bow how you can become stronger in order to help him and your relationship, that is if the relationship is worth worth that effort from you. Regardless of how much you want this relationship or how much you may love him, yes that can be a factor and motivator to get better but also remember that you should do it for yourself in order to have a better quality of life and all relationships and all situations of your life

icg3

Date posted: 2y

trust me, I feel you and at some point I did tell him about it and it was pretty difficult to do so. Not suggesting that you tell him about this but I’m just talking about my experience. I just think of how it’s not fair to let it ruin What’s right in front of me. I also think about how it’s not fair for it to hurt my boyfriend, or to hurt me and not allowing me to fully embrace and enjoy the good things in my life. What I think is that my mind is always on flight or flight trying to give me something to feel guilty about and I just think about how nothing from my past has any weight or influence on my current relationship, and how it really is not a factor in anything I do in my life right now, and it makes me feel better.

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Rocd -feeling like relief would be to breakup

So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.

Mariabae

Date posted: 19w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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