does anyone else relate

so growing up i always had a ton of male celebrity crushes. I’ve always been the type of person to like obsessively ga girl over these people lol. But i feel like I have celebrity crushes now that i didn’t have a couple of years ago before this ocd theme, and I’m worried that I just forced my self to think i’m attracted to them even if i’m not. Like for example when I watched season 1 of this show (before this ocd theme), I don’t think I was attracted to one of the characters. Then when i was watching season 2 I’m suddenly attracted to him and he like became another one of my celeb crushes that i obsessed about (this was after this ocd theme started) I feel like that has happened with many shows and I just feel like my attraction is forced. I have had a lot of celeb crushes before i had this theme, so I shouldn’t worry about those being forced. However, with my two biggest celeb crushes I feel like there were point before i had this theme where I was worried that i wasn’t attracted to them. So maybe it was forced all along too? My biggest celeb crush has always been dylan obrien (atleast when he was younger) But i remember watching a movie he was in a few years ago (before i had this theme) and there was a shirtless scene he was in and i was not attracted to him. I can’t remember how much it stresses me out at the time but i remember being like why am i not attracted to him in this. So I feel like I’m not attracted to him shirtless. Same thing happened with another one of my biggest celeb crushes. There was a specific picture i remember seeing before the theme and being like why am i not attracted to him shirtless. I know maybe it wasn’t a big deal at the time and ocd is just making it seem like it was. But i’m just worried. And i just watched a new show and I love one of guys in it but now i’m worried that that attraction was fake. Like maybe I just forced myself to think i’m attracted to him so that I had “proof” that i am attracted to boys. Idk i feel like i’m going crazy

Sexual Orientation OCD

girlanon

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y

This is pretty relatable

hannah

Date posted: 2y

@girlanon It’s just so confusing I don’t know what to feel anymore

Mak46

Date posted: 2y

Oh yeah I can definitely relate. I never used to worry that I was forcing my attraction but now I either worry about my lack of reaction to guys and them being shirtless, etc, or I do have some reaction and my brain usually automatically makes me worry that it's not real and I am forcing myself.

hannah

Date posted: 2y

@Mak46 exactly :( Did you used to be attracted to guys shirtless before this ocd theme? I think what i’m worried about is that I don’t think I was ever necessarily attracted to shirtless guys and it just never bothered me until now. Obviously i know that doesn’t mean I can’t still be attracted to men but it is just so scary

Mak46

Date posted: 2y

@hannah I don't remember ever having a huge reaction to when guys were shirtless and exactly didn't worry about "what that meant" until after so-ocd showed up.

hannah

Date posted: 2y

@Mak46 exactly! Like it didn’t bother me before this theme, and it didn’t have an effect on me. But now looking back on it it’s like I can’t remember if i felt stressed about it or not. And if I didn’t feel stressed about it, i feel like it was just denial. Idk it’s just so confusing

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 2y

Same- I still have a lot of celebrity crushes (all are males) but its like I really do love them but my brain is like “you’re forcing yourself”

ijustwannali...

Date posted: 2y

Sameeee

violettag6

Date posted: 24w

so-ocd

So I identify as a lesbian and I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful girl. But i’m stressing that I have crushes on boys I go to school with. I get anxious around them, which I think I mistake for excitement. I obsess over it in my head which confuses me a lot. Idk I also never think about them sexually or romantically but I think about them often which is scaring me. Any advice?

Shaodidi

Date posted: 13w

How do I truly know if it’s ocd or not?

So how would I know if it’s truly ocd or not? Like by accepting uncertainty, will I eventually realize if it was false or true attraction and if it was actually ocd or not? For example I was out today, right after my therapy appointment, I saw a kid that looked exactly like this girl my age that I was into. I felt a sense of attraction and I immediately went into the restroom to hide or smth I don’t remember, but when I came out I think I avoided looking at the kid. Idk if it was false attraction or not, I hope it was but I’m not sure. I can’t really tell. FYI I was never formally diagnosed with pocd before, but my therapist said that I have it but I still don’t believe it. I still feel like it’s not pocd because of the attraction feelings, I can’t tell if I like the feelings or not. I don’t feel any of panic, worry, distress, guilt or shame after any of those feelings. I did start crying when I got home tho idk why or what for, but I went to take a nap for a while and when I woke up it kind of became clearer if it was real or false attraction, but it’s still really unclear, I don’t get why I would feel that way towards a literal child, is it bc she looked like this girl my age that I was into? I hope it was false attraction, still can’t tell.

Pogoshow

Date posted: 12w

SOOCD

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

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does anyone else relate

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