Jokes about sexual abuse.

He's not in the slightest, I just have a lot of doubts and trust issues because I was abused as a child. He is an incredibly jokey person and wouldn't harm our daughter. I'm triggered by every little thing at the moment and put it on here as part of a checking compulsion. I googled it afterwards as well and it's something a lot of people joke about I'm just sensitive to it. Same way I'm sensitive if someone jokes about OCD too, I take it seriously.

@RedPanda89 Oh gosh, I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. Also, I'm thankful the speculation in the previous comment get to you. It's out of line to introduce additional doubt about your partner when your OCD is already causing problems for you. It's wildly inappropriate to question whether you're sure he isn't harming your child and to introduce the unlikely scenario that he is a narcissist intending to cause harm by making that off the cuff comment. While I hope no harm was intended, I strongly encourage people to be cautious they're not projecting their own OCD onto others when drafting a response. Please be mindful of generating doubt for people who already battle this disorder.

@ReadyForImprovement Thank you, unfortunately since, it has got to me and I've spiralled a little. Not sure if it's a red flag or just a joke. Since questioned my husband if he is harming our daughter and he's said that's an awful thing to and I gross thing to accuse him of but I'm terrified of something happening to her.

@RedPanda89 Oh no... I'm so sorry. OCD is absolutely the worst. Are you in therapy and/or doing ERP? My heart goes out to you. I've struggled with POCD in the past and continue to struggle with harm & scrupulosity... not just mine, but the intentions & scrupulosity of the people in my life, so I relate to your struggle. Please try to interrupt your rumination and use non-engagement responses for your intrusive thoughts. I know it's so hard when the stakes feel so high and the OCD makes things feel so real. Your hormones are probably not making this easy for you. Please be kind to yourself - you're doing the best you can 🩷

@ReadyForImprovement Thank you. I've sat with the anxiety and knew it was an OCD response when I reached out to check and have been ruminating on it. I know in my heart he's a safe and doting father but this illness takes everything.

@ReadyForImprovement NO HARM WAS INTENDED OF COURSE 🙄 Its not appropriate cause some People actually are narcissists and pedophiles for real and how could I know? If someones askes a question like that if is a normal reaction to say that thing and I myself would not joke about a thing like that (its very sarcastic humour) but I said that if its normal for him to joke about ALL THINGS than thats in his personlity 🙄 So I didn't blame him. I don't know him. I just ASKED??? Don't judge me ONLY cause I am honest and also 25% of population has narcissistic traits and 8% has the diagnos NPD and they also loves to provoke and that could be case I may thought. Thats why I tried to understand the scenario more and in the worst case "get rid of the red flags!" And get answers for herself. THEN we can talk about the POCD that I also have but not that strong but sometimes 🙄 RedPanda wanted to get clearity and cofirmation and insuinated that something was wrong. I just wanted to help her. Of course I assumed this was an OCD thought to 70% but you never know from just a post how other people and relationships are and therfore if someone's asked questions, then to understand better, I must be able to ask questions back to understand everything, to be able to help? It wasn't my intention to make her feel bad and ruminate more. But it was also a leading question "Thats a strange reaction right" And yes I agree with her that it sounded strange but when she now described him more. It's seems like he is a good person and normal. I didn't blame him, just answered her question. And no I don't project my OCD into her 🤨 Just by asking a question???😒 So what is this forum for otherwise? Should we just confirm each other and have rosy sunglasses on? And act as relief for each other and make the OCD stronger? I have had OCD since I was 14 and am now over 40 so I know how much confirmation and mental compultions in form of relief thoughts ones want and we should not really calm the OCD for others and it also says in the settings. Then the OCD grows stronger! This is not a forum for confirmation and relief of the OCD but community and tips for different ways of calming down without compulsions. EXPOSURE WITH RESPONS PREVENTATION IS THE BEST! 👌

@Rumination and control OCD I appreciate your perspective. I wasn't suggesting we should give reassurance and I didn't provide that. That said, creating more doubt isnt helpful when someone is already in that state of mind. Encouraging ERP and response prevention is the right thing to do, and I'm glad you communicated that. I don't take issue with everything, just concerned with introducing more doubt. I've had OCD all my life and am also over 40 so I'm with you on the experience and understanding of what we need to do to get better.

@RedPanda89 It was not my intention take make you feel worse 🫤 So Sorry for that if it triggered the thougt 😔 I was hesitating a bit when I wrote the comment but I just wanted to make sure that your man is good for you so it wasn't anything outside the OCD. Your man seem to be a good person after what you described and some People joke alot about almost everything and that is normal 👌 And I like to joke myself and can have a sarcastic humour but I just wanted to make sure you and your child were OK and safe. This is actually a complex OCD compared to symmetric or magical thinking (like I also have) cause it's much more frightening and can trigger anger and disgust so that's why we get those kind of thought to really harm ourselves and give ourselves a "challenge to conquer" the thought and make us relaxed again! And think logic and get "proof" etc. And the more we calm ourselves, the more the thought comes back later again 🙄 But this kind of harm thoughts are much harder I think that controlling the oven and lights and doors etc. But the best is just to say something like "I don't know and it may be true and I am not gonna do anything to calm myself now" And then also doing something else like start cleaning or training and just let the thought be there if its intrusive. 🤗

@ReadyForImprovement Thanks for your response too 👍 You are right that we should not create more doubt and that wasn't my intention even if it sounded harsh. I just wanted to help 🙄 This is a hard topic also and not like a symmetric or magical thinking OCD that you can more easily talk yourself out with logic 🤔 I have also those types and many different OCD. If the blame was directed for the same person that has the thought. Then I would absolutely not even think that was a real thought because of the POSC. It's also hard when people including myself want to get answers and relief and we shouldn't either make it worse via saying "you should actually think "worst case scenario" (ERP) and not either get to calm each other. Cause that's makes the OCD worse. So it's hard to comment at all, except from saying "I get you, I have that too" But that can make a relief to hear instead of compulsion relief 😌