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I felt this way a lot of my time with my now wife. I had just always felt like even though those doubts were really strong, I couldn't really trust those intrusive thoughts, so I'd let it go. It's especially hard because I also have some confessional ocd and really want to talk to my wife when doubts like that come up. It gets hard to know when something is a real issue or something intrusive, so the amount of communication for me gets really hard to figure out. Anyway, for me, our relationship is now really great. I still have doubts, but it helped me to make conscious decisions that I wanted to be with her: I wanted to get married, buy a house, have kids. I also try hard to live in the present and not dwell on what has happened in the past because that gets really overwhelming really quickly. Anyway, yeah I know what you're going through is really really tough. And a partner without OCD will have a really hard time understanding what is going on. The best advise I have is to be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, try to live in today and not yesterday. Good luck!!

i understand this completely. you are not alone!!

Hey there, ik its rly scary and challenging! I have struggled with these thoughts before. I was in a crash state like this about a year and a half ago - crying most nights about it. It would be the first thing i thought about waking up and the last thing i thought of while going to bed. I broke it off with my partner because i was tired of being so tired. But that didn’t necessarily make the thoughts about staying or going go away. After working on trusting myself for a couple months and providing myself soo many affirmations and resources.. my nervous system eased up and my attachment system got a chance to reset. We ended up getting back together a year ago, once i was in a sturdier headspace i was able to see my relationship as a supportive space i wanted to be a prt of. While i still struggle with rocd... its not nearly close to where it was during that crunchy period! So what im trying to say is, keep hanging in there! Your experiences will encourage you to become more resourced for urself + those u love if u let them. Dont be afraid to ask for reassurance or space etc. as u navigate ur healing process. You got this!

I feel the exact same way. I am here with you