I’m not sure if that’s how it went…

Look, I know this is probably a bad idea to ask for some reassurance, but lately my OCD has been getting pretty good at being anxious about things that seem logically possible. But I dated this guy like a year and a half ago, we used to make out and stuff but I decided to stop doing that with him because it just wasn’t working out for us. Well, I remember telling him something like “can we keep the sexual stuff online and not in-person”, well, I thought I was being clear about it. I also remember this one point in time when we agreed to stop doing that stuff, one night he texted me asking if we could do that stuff again (this was before I was getting upset at him for not listening to me) and I agreed to it, and it didn’t work out so I officially said no to it. But then, I remember all those other times of making out with him a little more (I think it was after I kept on saying no.) But I remember there was this one time we were at a friends house where I let him touch my butt and then at one point I told him to stop (I don’t remember the timeline of that day specifically) but then I remember constantly telling him to keep the sexual stuff online instead of in-person and he always kept on saying “yeah sure” or like “got it.” He did stop those times, but then there were times on rare occasions where he would try to do that stuff on me and I would just tell him to stop and he would listen in the moment and not do it again for a while. One time while we were doing other stuff, he accidentally almost touched my butt and he immediately moved his hand up and that’s when I got the idea that he listened to me. I don’t want to ruminate about the timeline of this stuff, and I used to feel violated those other times when I felt like he wasn’t listening to me, and when I was dating him I used to have memory problems due to stress and anxiety, and after the breakup I had a nightmare about it, but now that I see it, it’s probably not sexual assault or anything related to that matter. I used to think it was, and I never felt that confident to talk about it or even think about it because it always made me feel uncomfortable. I feel like this is just some false memory stuff cause something seems mixed up and I feel like I probably gave him the wrong impression because when we started making out again we used to do other stuff…

ark37

Date posted: 1y

I understand how you feel. When you draw a boundary with a guy and they seem to understand in the moment but then try to push it later when there wasn’t a discussion beforehand it can be so infuriating. It can feel violating because it seems like they weren’t ACTUALLY listening before. I get the impression you are pretty young (if I misjudged then sorry!) and when it is the first time doing things like that it is especially nerve racking, so I understand the appeal of keeping things online. It is almost like a safety net where you can be open about things without the pressure of actually “performing.” Don’t beat yourself up about it or worry about the timeline/if you were sending mixed signals. While you may not consider it “assault,” it doesn’t mean you can’t feel uncomfortable about it. It’s completely valid to think back to situations like that and think “ugh that was actually really uncomfortable for me.” So again, try not to worry too much. I hope things improve and I’m sorry you are feeling this way!

kiteo

Date posted: 1y

@ark37 Well is it considered assault in this case?

ark37

Date posted: 1y

@Ssahar Because you are unclear about the timeline of events when it comes to consent and the changing nature of your relationship I’m not sure, I’m sorry :( however if there was an instance/instances where he continued to touch you repeatedly despite you telling him no then yes I would certainly say so! Regardless of the timeline of events, it is clear that the relationship was no good and I’m glad you are no longer with him. Sorry I couldn’t give a clearer answer, I just don’t want to lead you astray or cause you additional stress/trigger your OCD.

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

He sounds like a disrespectful jerk. Consent is key and he wasn’t listening to you because he didn’t want to. It’s a good thing you broke up with him, you deserve better.

dee012

Date posted: 25w

False memory ocd Help Please

Any advice? I just got triggered by false memory OCD. There is no indicator or memory of me doing anything bad, only the what if. So how can I deal with uncertainty because if I did do the false memory it would go against my morals?? Not something extremely unforgivable just like not ideal and against my morals… I don’t know if it happened. I have no memory of my false memory happen only the “what if” which is enough to scare me FOR CONTEXT: I was in the mental hospital when I was 16, and made a few friends. Some just a grade below me, so 14-15. I remember bringing up in convo someone I met previously at the mental hospital earlier in that year a different time I was hospitalized , to which a boy responded he knew her, and they did (seggsual) stuff at their school. The girl I was talking about at that time was 14. So im assuming the boy was 14 as well. 13 and up is together in the hospital, so he couldn’t be younger than 13. I have no memories of him flirting with me or me flirting with him. Or anything bad happening. Literally just “what if”.. or what if he wasn’t 14 but 13 and u said something inappropriate or flirted with him. I will never be able to know what happened and I’m sick thinking about this. 13 and 16 is NOT WITHIN MY MORALS. I am worried because the only inappropriate I guess convo had is when he was telling me what happened between him and that girl I knew. I also remember him having a bulge down there and it freaked me out and made me feel weird at the time because I noticed it. (At this time I was already diagnosed with OCD and experienced POCD) I try to tell myself maybe maybe not. But the what if it did happen makes me feel like a p33do, and me thinking it didn’t happen doesn’t satisfy me because I don’t have 100 percent certainty

dee012

Date posted: 25w

false memory ocd :(

TW// MENTION OF DR8GS, SXUAL CONTENT false memory ocd is targeting my earlier teen years, around 16, I had a friend and we both did droogs (spelled it like that for a reason) one time together. I was scared to do the other stuff we had so she did it. but I remember us like touching eachothers chest as like girl stuff I guess idk it was weird lol… like about our sizes but then later on I had asked her smthng about ohh “would u ever wanna do stuff? or would u feel like that’s weird” something along those lines… and I remember her saying “ohhh I mean idk I would but I wouldn’t want it to make things weird between us”.. now here’s my thing. I remember just agreeing and accepting it and moving on, but obviously feeling weird cus that was sortve rejection. But my brain is saying what if u kept asking? Or questioned her? (We never did anything but likeee my ocd is like what if u tried to push it) and my brain is like what if u wanted to do it just bc she was under influence? I wanted us both to do it while under influence 1. Because we wouldn’t be anxious 2. I thought it would be fun at the time 3. I felt like it would be less weird if we were high. I did not PLAN for us to do these substances just for this reason but it was in my head that maybe we would do stuff if we had a sleepover or something plus I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy and I also like girls. All im thinking is what if she said yes? MY high wore off before hers and hers was lasting longer so she would’ve been under the influence and that would’ve been super bad I would’ve felt like I 🍇 her or something… that’s why im scared right now. Idk if these what ifs are true and I literally am sick with uncertainty. If it’s true that would make me feel so terrible, like a predator (like I tried to coerce her or something) but idk what’s true and what’s not. I just remember this false memory being triggered by the fact that I asked when we were on stuff but my stuff had already wore off is what’s bothering me. (We took different things) I remember worrying about this false memory before, and was able to move on. Also me and that girl were friends for a couple years after that until we fell out over stupidity. And we also had sleepovers after that and idk if I already asked her for reassurance like ohhh are u sure I didn’t make u uncomfortable.. but idk if I did. I want to ask but I can’t because I guess she is not around right now. Like MIA.(her own personal stuff im assuming) Any advice would help :(

🧡🍁🎃

Date posted: 23w

False memory ocd

Hey everyone, I’m still struggling a bit with false memory ocd. Mine revolves around my relationship. There are some things I have remembered that occurred early on in the relationship, whether someone texted me on Snapchat or TikTok etc. and it was old friends of mine from a friend group. In the friend group it was me and about couple guys and girls. I remember there being an instance where one of the guys had messaged me on Snapchat after I had posted something about a tv show or I had posted a picture of me and my mom and they reached out to me saying something and I honestly can’t remember at all what they had said to me but I’m pretty sure i remember I responded with “Lol” or “Thank you” , and I think the reason I’m really struggling right now is that I can’t remember hardly anything about the text at all. And of course, my ocd is trying to convince me that it was either a flirty chat, or something else. I also want to mention that I unadded a lot of people off my snap, mostly guys on TikTok etc after dating my boyfriend because I felt like that was respectful. And even after doing that, my OCD was trying to convince me that I un added them because I was hiding something or I was on adding them because I didn’t want my boyfriend to see that they were on my Snapchat, which was not the case at all. I think I’m just really struggling because I think about past events that have happened in my mind is trying to convince me that something else happened, rather than allowing me to remember what actually went on. I just wanted to come on here and ask if anyone else struggles with something like this because it’s been really bothering me the past couple days and I know I would never do anything to hurt my boyfriend because I love him so much it’s just I freak out constantly, and it bothers me a lot.

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