In need of advice

Hi! I need some advice and can’t see my therapist for a few weeks because I am on vacation. Basically I have ROCD and some other themes and recently I’ve been focused on the need to confess porn I watched as a kid to my partner. Some of it had pretty disturbing themes and I’ve already confessed most of it to him because I haven’t been able to stop the compulsion. I convince myself that he needs to know because it could change how he feels about me and about the relationship. Anyway every time I confess I feel momentary relief and then just remember more stuff I want to tell him. I know I need to stop if I ever want to feel better but I feel like such a disgusting and horrible person. It’s gotten to the point where even relatively normal and common types of porn I came across as a teen I still feel like I have to confess. I know that I don’t expect him to tell me everything he’s watched and I would never judge him for stuff like that that he saw a long time ago especially because I know fantasy and actually wanting to act on stuff aren’t the same but I still can’t convince myself it’s okay not to tell him. Has anyone dealt with something similar and have advice for getting through this. It feels like the only thing I can think about.

Relationship OCD

Ebbisen01

Date posted: 2y

It’s not really the same experience, but I can relate to the compulsion. I feel like I know what you’re going through. For me it was more real event ocd and rocd combined. Me and 2 friends (one of which was my ex, but we remained friends after the breakup) were hanging out at my place, drinking a little bit and just vibing. My boyfriend was fully aware of the fact that we had been in a relationship before. Later, all three were a lil tipsy and just splatted down on my bed (my apartment was tiny back then so it was either chairs or my bed), and my hand accidentally landed in my ex’s… I got reminded of this out of nowhere and absolutely panicked, I NEEDED to confess to my boyfriend right away. So I did, and I did it all over again. When I noticed that my anxiety kept coming back, I decided to just let the urge be there. Don’t act on it. It was really difficult, and I felt like I was going crazy at times. But eventually it got easier to deal with it ❤️

hannahb8

Date posted: 2y

@Ebbisen01 Thank you! I’ve actually had really similar experiences to what you are describing and was finally able to sit with those urges to confess but it’s so difficult when new themes keep popping up

dianasaurusrex

Date posted: 2y

@Ebbisen01 I can relate to you for sure (and you too, OP)! Especially the confessing part. Right now my ROCD is really bad, it’s really making me suffer. I feel like I need to confess to my partner that I don’t know if I’m a good partner. “I don’t know what love is, what if I don’t love him enough? What’s enough? What if he isn’t the right person for me? What if there’s something better?” And I feel like I’m hiding a dirty secret not telling him what Im struggling with. Last night we talked and well, I spiraled. He’s very supportive and didn’t take it personally, but confessing did probably hurt his feelings, didn’t help him or me. I know it’s ROCD because I’m so *afraid* that I don’t love him enough. Or that it “isn’t right”. But I don’t wanna break up and that’s scary to me. If I actually did want to, I would feel that way in some way.

chickenmomma

Date posted: 25w

I struggle with confessing

This is my first post & I’m terrified. I have not been officially diagnosed w ocd yet but in a nutshell - I confessed some things I felt guilty about to my husband about five months ago. ( nothing too major ) but in our past, 20+ years ago I was unfaithful and it caused a LOT of harm, which I told him all of that back when it happened. But in recent months, I started getting consumed by guilt. I couldnt eat or sleep until I finally broke one night and told him all these recent little things I felt guilty about. Acting flirty, etc. And for him it like brought back allll the trauma from 20 years ago which I didn’t know would happen. But it’s so bad. He says he wishes I never told him. But even w that, I still feel like I keep thinking of “new things “ I did in the past, thoughts I had or dreams, or conversation w an ex,things like that. Because I am a Christian I also keep feeling like it’s the Holy Spirit telling me I haven’t told him everything and I need to. But I also know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear .. I clearly need help, but I also want Christian based help so that it’s in line w what I believe ? I can’t eat and my anxiety is so bad again - I know if I confess more things it will keep destroying him, I don’t think he really understands or believes I have ocd. Thanks if you made it this far

truespartan3

Date posted: 25w

Struggling with potential ROCD

Good morning. Anyone struggle with ROCD? When I think about what I have done in the past, I feel immense guilty (I feel the tightness in my chest) and have the urge to tell my partner about it, even if my partner says she doesn’t need to know if it is going to hurt her and that I need to talk to my therapist about it first. Any suggestions on how to manage the urge/urgency? Thanks!

isabellamper...

Date posted: 16w

Ruminating about past porn usage

When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.

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