I had a good week. Intrusive thoughts down. Then in zoom meeting a participant messaged me that it may be back door spikes. Now I'm doubting my progress and the thoughts are back. I felt I was doing so well and now I'm just not sure. How can someone else's opinion affect so bad?
I can see what your saying. So I don't need to avoid the trigger, I just need to sit with the uncertainty? My intrusive thought is that God will/ has abandoned me. This week I would say that thought was down tremendously. But now it's moved back up. Like I said I'm new to therapy. I've had OCD since I was 8. I'm 56 and I just discovered what I had a few years ago but didn't know what to do about. I've been doing ERP for several hours now and anxiety is down but thoughts are just racing. But I do thank you for responding. Life goes on.....
@JordTheNord Thank you
Don't let a blip make you think you've lost any progress. Everything you've learned and the progress you've made are still there! Recovery isn't linear, you'll have some times where it feels like things are rough again and it can feel discouraging in the moment. This happens to all of us and we all feel that it's here to stay every time... but then you resume doing some ERP, using your non-engagement responses to intrusive thoughts, interrupt rumination, etc. And your brain picks up where you left off! Hang in there, OCD is a stubborn jerk. Every time you push back, you win. Tell OCD that you're in charge and don't have to listen to it anymore. Redirect your attention to something you were doing or want to do.
Thank you ReadyForImprovement. I don't know what non-engagement responses are or how to interrupt rumination. I just know ERP and sitting with the anxiety and uncertainty.
@R Byrd The article I sent should have some tips on the non engagement response. One example I have for myself during the rumination is “ok here are the thoughts again, just be chill, it sucks, continue what I’m doing (work, cleaning, hanging with ppl) and don’t FUEL them. They’ll eventually go away. They have before”. Fueling them would be for your intrusive thought example: God abandoned me or will….because of this or that or what if I never get in his graces again? Basically more what ifs.
@R Byrd Also, I usually laugh at the thoughts in my head now. Like just say haha oh I’m doing this again. To kind of help “separate ” the attachment to them
@JordTheNord I understand. I do appreciate everyone's help. I hate saying God may abandon me or He may not. I'm not sure. But I say it multiple times a day. I will attempt to laugh. Heh heh(nervous laugh)
@R Byrd That’s the spirit! Lmao. Remember it’s the thoughts and you/we are not them. 🙏🏻
@JordTheNord Thank you.
@R Byrd Let me know if you have other questions or need to vent!
@JordTheNord I sure will!
A back door spike is natural in recovery! If it is all that means is you’re healing. OCD is chronic so it might never go away however how we manage it will greatly affect us. The back door spike is evident of your progress. Now back door spikes usually mean that you are doubting your progress because you are more comfortable with your thoughts. That is the spike. This person’s statement made you doubt yourself. OCD looks for new ways and if courses uses old one to doubt ourselves. You have now experienced this which is good knowledge to have in The future that will probably lighten this trigger for you. People’s opinions can affect everyone. Even ppl with OCD.
Thank you. My therapist doesn't believe it was a backdoor spike but he can't know for sure. All I know is when that person messaged me that it messed me up. I've only been doing ERP for a month but I felt like I had made some progress. Now I'm like ugh, here we go again. I think I'm going to stop the zoom groups. I guess they may trigger me. Thank you for your knowledge about all this.
@R Byrd My pleasure. Like I said a back door spike is when we questions the comfortability of our intrusive thoughts. An example would be “I’m comfortable/not bothered by my intrusive thoughts that must mean I want to actually do or feel this way”. That is the back door spike. The person that made the comment just probably triggered your OCD based on a new thought that would undermine your progression and you immediately went to “what if? What if I’m not getting better and this is all it is”. OCD can also be looked at and apparently is also called the doubting disorder. And we usually doubt what is good about ourselves or hold dear in our core values/beliefs. Also, I personally believe avoidance in some circumstances is ok but you do not (and it’s not recommended by OCD therapists) want to avoid your triggers. Because then that becomes the compulsion/habit and routine of dealing with OCD. Kind of like rest and healing is good from life and work but are just going to rest all the time now and avoid getting back into the celebration of life?
So I have GAD and OCD, harm and POCD. Up until a month or so ago I had been spike free for 2 years. I was so happy and free. The best I’ve ever felt. I was able to go off my meds and really enjoy life again. I guess a month or so ago I could feel my anxiety creeping in due to being stuck at home from Covid. Things just began spiraling and here I am back in another POCD spike. Same theme different worries every day. I’m back on new meds but it’s only been 3 weeks so Idk how well they’re working. I guess I’m posting because I’m really upset I spiraled after doing so well and I’m really upset it’s the same theme. That makes me feel like more of a bad person. Like what if it’s not OCD? Yes I know that’s the OCD talking. Ugh why can’t I just be worry free??? Have any of you been doing well and spiked with the same theme?
I feel like over a week ago I had about 4 really GOOD days in a row which I’ve never had before! I was able to concentrate a lot more I still had the thoughts but it was usually just the same one that popped up every now and again, no new ones and I really felt like this was the start of getting better. Well fast forward to now im on day 3 of really bad days!!! My awful intrusive thoughts are on loop again I can’t seem to concentrate, im constantly ruminating!!! I feel like I’m constantly creating new thoughts in my head that are awful!! I’ve started mindfulness again which I feel just have been what helped me have the good days because that’s the only thing I’ve stopped really. Anyone who else gone through this??????
So a few months ago my ocd was okay and kinda maintainable, well my sisters dad passed away and it got me into my emotions a bit and then I had a huge panic attack in march and a huge panic attack in April, and until a few days ago I was struggling horribly with harm ocd, real event ocd, false memory, and some zoophilia ocd, having constant panic attacks daily up to 20 huge panic attacks a day. Well I was looking on Reddit and NOCD to see if I could find anything about it bc the past week I have still had intrusive thoughts, not as many but still have a lot but no panic attacks, but I’m still feeling pretty anxious on the part of “why am I not having a panic attack, this isn’t a good thought and it’s a thought you would have freaked out abt last week, why aren’t you doing it now” Well I found something abt back door spike but I can’t find really what it is, some are saying it’s like how I feel and some are saying where it’s a huge spike in the panic like I had for a few months. Don’t get me wrong I hate the panic but when the panic isn’t there I feel like my brain switched and that maybe I’m not ocd and I’m just crazy. What do yall think it could be?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
