I feel like I am so deep in this rabbit hole of confessing to my boyfriend about anything regarding cheating or finding people attractive or having thoughts about them. Can anyone please give me tips on how to stop because it’s really starting to affect him
What helped me to stop confessing was to understand that it was a compulsion that was actually making my OCD worse. I wanted so badly to not have these urges to confess, worry, feel bad, that I decided to trust that it was OCD and all the things I was doing to "feel better" were what was making me feel worse. I tried to take it one thing at a time, if an urge came up, I would remind myself "OCD thought" then I would be willing to allow the feelings to come, without trying to get relief. Yes, I would want to confess, it would feel bad, I would feel like I was making a big mistake, taking a risk, etc. But, I knew I had to do these things to get better. Another thing that really helped me was while I was doing this response prevention of not confessing, I worked on what I wanted to build. In my marriage, I wanted to build a great relationship, I knew confessing these types of things to my husband made him feel bad, so instead I worked on building our relationship - planning fun times together, engaging in conversations with him that weren't about my OCD. Truly listening to him, being there for him. The urges to confess didn't go away right away. It took time and I had to practice. But eventually, it really made a difference in how I felt and our relationship. It was so worth the hard work. Wishing you all the best!
@VGH Did you ever feel really panicky and like crying sometimes when you resisted confessing? It literally feels like the worst thing in the world
@Nopecd Absolutely, in the beginning and sometimes even now it can feel terrible. Only now I know the feeling goes away quickly if I don’t engage. But yes in the beginning it felt horrible, like I was making a fatal mistake. I used to tell my therapist it felt like all of the weight of the world on my shoulders, or “that blood sucking feeling”. There were days when I was resisting compulsions where I did cry a lot. But, the important part was, I didn’t do compulsions. It’s ok to feel bad, this is the hard work of recovery. It is so hard, but it does get better. It won’t always be this hard. And it is worth every tear I shed. Hang in there, give it time, you will be so happy you did!
I have had a similar experience very recently where i have overshared information that nearly ended my relationship with my girlfriend, this information to anyone that doesn’t have OCD would be thought of and quickly discarded even if it might have been a little immoral to their partner, a person without OCD can experience a little bit of guilt and not dwell on it and obsess on the guilt till it kills them on the inside and has to confess. The way i deal with it since the event is to just accept and live with these supposedly immoral thoughts i mean everyone has thoughts that can be immoral (like finding another woman/man attractive) but they are just thoughts, thoughts don’t mean that u are going to act on them and do something horrible to your partner, trust me that having thoughts like these is just OCD attacking your morals as a person and making u feel guilty about them when u shouldn’t, thoughts are thoughts not feelings
when ocd makes confessing a compulsion, no amount of confessing will make you feel better. I had slipped down that slope before where I just felt horrible and worried I didn’t say enough to my partner. Wish you best of luck
@Theron_ How did you get out of the confessing compulsion?
@Nopecd same way you get out of any compulsion, just force yourself not to and welcome all the anxiety it may bring. If it’s too overwhelming Find something to do that you enjoy or something menial that will keep you busy so you can process it with more ease.
Anybody else have a major problem with confessions in ROCD? How can I deal with the urge to confess every little thought to my boyfriend? It’s hurtful to him because I’m constantly telling him every minor interaction I’ve had that I can remember with another guy, telling him my doubts about our relationship, and lately I’ve even been telling him hurtful things I don’t even agree with as far as comparing him to people I’ve been with before and people I’m attracted to. It’s really wrong of me to say these things to him for the sole purpose of relieving my anxiety. Any advice?
I confessed to my girlfriend about things I did in the past and I feel like she's disgusted with me and is making her upset. Any tips on how to stop confessing? This is literally hell. Every morning I wake up with anxiety and guilt and feel the need to confess something. Am I not allowed to be happy and move on from my past without feeling the need to let everyone know and them thinking I'm a freak?
It feels like my mind scans for things for me to “confess” to my partner. Things that aren’t even important or necessary come into my mind and I feel so guilty about it and get super stressed and feel like the only way to get rid of that is to confess. I feel like it’s something I have to do. No matter how much I tell myself it’s something that doesn’t need to be said I still have to say it somehow. I don’t know if this is normal, but I just feel like my partner has to know everything. And this is causing arguments and making him upset. I don’t want to hurt my partner anymore as I can tell my OCD is really affecting him. If anyone has any advice that would be great!
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