Guys how on earth am I meant to accept uncertainty. I have false memories about cheating on my boyfriend and I keep having visions of feeling this way forever and having this immense guilt. I feel like it’s impossible to want to accept uncertainty. It feels like my two options are either break up with my boyfriend or live in guilt and fear for the rest of my life
Do the facts vs. your brain, it helps me be in my logical mind
@sureitsher But everywhere I’ve seen has been ‘you will never get 100% uncertainty’ like this makes me almost have a panic attack
@Nopecd everyone is different yk, that’s the hardest thing not attaching it to you
What bothers you the most about accepting uncertainty? Also, the uncertainty is caused by the OCD. If you actually cheated on him…you would have felt guilt right away and I won right away what you did. Right now the OCD is causing you to think “did I?” And you obviously care if you did or not because you feel guilty and you don’t even know. If you would have cheated you would have known and felt guilt instantly. Because even if you are uncertain you did it doesn’t mean you did. I could question every task of my daily life just because I can. And even if I don’t know it doesn’t mean it happened or not. So let’s say you 100% found out you did not cheat (I 100% believe you didn’t) you still could just question it because you could.
@JordTheNord This actually really helped - I was was struggling because I couldnt handle not knowing if I cheated and just carry on being with my partner holding that guilt. The memory I have I have never questioned before at all but it’s telling me things like ‘but you were drunk’ and ‘you can’t remember every moment of the night’ and it’s spiralling me
@Nopecd Understand the spiral! And fill in the gaps! But you’ve been drunk and during your drunkenness you wold be coherent for the time being. It’s the short term memory drunk ppl struggle with which makes them very coherent but can’t remember things from the past night. And I completely get the “well if I cheated I want to tell my partner because I want them to see me for who I am or what I did and they deserve transparency. Dealt with it for years myself. You’re only questioning it now because of OCD. Things just pop up randomly or a possible trigger. It’s maddening lol. You have to be ok with your initial thoughts of the event when they happened and trust your past self. If you cheated even if you were drunk you would have known and the fact you can’t even prove it there’s no need to start a panic with your partner because you literally could be sharing theories that never have happened or will. You’re worried because you’re a good honest person. The OCD makes us doubt our core beliefs. Also, remembering past events gets fuzzy for everyone anyways. It’s hard. Trusting your past self especially how you felt fine at the time is basically certainly that you didn’t cheat because how you’re reacting right now by a theory you would have 100% flipped out or have told him already in the moment of the act or later that night/next day.
@JordTheNord Can I just say this has been more helpful than anything I’ve read before. Simply hearing ‘be okay with uncertainty’ has never been helpful to me because I didn’t understand it. You’re right that I basically do have certainty based on all of the facts
@Nopecd I’m happy i could help! I still believe being ok with uncertainty is extremely helpful but if it’s just a simple “be ok with it” it’s hard for some ppl to grasp. Trusting yourself is technically about 90% certain and 10% knowing at the end of the day you could be wrong but damn I’m still betting on 90 percent. So look at it as playing your odds. That’s also a way to look on how to accept uncertainty. I placed my bet on a hand I have 90% chance of winning and 10% losing. There is a chance a might lose but I will always bet on this. I would never bet on the 10%. Idc even if I lose. I went with the best odds. Can’t win em all. But I can sure play the odds
@JordTheNord How did you cope with the feeling of guilt with your partner? Like I feel like I have to break up with them because I’m feeling like I’m being dishonest
@Nopecd I suggested to break up with them because I felt so bad. Even though my thoughts weren’t true I told them and they didn’t handle it well. However we got back together and I figured out concretely what my partner was worried about. I worked as a server/ bartender so I was around a lot of females. I think most women are walking pieces of art. You guys are just a blessing for me. However that does not mean to me I want to date all of you. My gf was Insecure I was hitting on everyone at work because I’m very friendly. Also, this stemmed from me messaging girls( some which I hooked up with in the last) when we first started dating. Now I was only messaging them to say hi and see how they were doing. I also, told my partner this not because I felt guilty but I wanted her to know what I was doing and nothing to hide. I even gave her the passcode to my phone. However after our first year I stopped doing that because even though I wasn’t flirting or trying to be sneaky or shady I completely understand why that would worry her and how it didn’t help my relationship even though I was super transparent and literally did not say a word to these women inappropriately. I just cared and wanted to be friendly. (I’m an odd guy lol). Anyways so that didn’t help her insecurity even though I stopped doing that. However she met all my females friends from work. And I did not hook up with any of them. However my gf would ask do I like them or think about them. I did t want to lie and felt guilty because she thinks it’s cheating to have someone pop in my head or have a crush even though I never pursued it or actually wanted anyone else so my compulsion was yelling her private thoughts that made me feel guilty on top of how she felt because basically my gf did not help my OCD. So anyways I feel so bad for the thoughts and the crush we break up for 3 months. Now during that time I hung out with the crush. Not to date to her, not to be cozy but just as a friend because I wanted to show that’s all I wanted was a friend. Just if I was actually single and never met my gf she could have been a possible dating prospect but I never wanted to pursue her I just wanted my gf. So between my gfs ideal ohh and my OCD I felt guilty. So during this time however the girl really liked me and she tried to come back to my place 3 times for sex. Told her no every time that’s not what I want. I just got out of a relationship. Mind you I never tried holding her hand cuddling or anything it was strictly friends. Eventually I had to push her away because she wasn’t respecting my boundaries and just thought that I would just go for her. (We connected very well). Eventually me and my gf get back together. That entire time proved that my OCD was just making me feel guilty for no reason and I completely disagree about how a crush is cheating. Because I had multiple times to hook up with her in the clear being single even if it was a short time and I didn’t want that. I wanted my gf back. So actually I got certainty from my true nature because when pushed came to shove I didn’t care about the thoughts. I cared about my partner and that’s it. That propelled me to believing in myself and knowing it’s the OCD (and outside factors like my gfs opinions) that sent me on a confusing route when I did not need to question myself. Even when my gf made me feel so guilty that I was flirting with everyone at work I felt so bad I asked literally every female worked with if I was an embarrassment to my gf and if I disrespected them or made them feel uncomfortable. This was the responses “you are the most respectful guy and it’s always easy to be comfortable around you because your enti hitting on me, I wish my husband was more like you, when I first met you since I didn’t know you I thought you were hitting on me but I found out you just genuinely cared about what I was doing and polite”. I’ve had dudes even say “when guy A sees w girl and is like she’s hot it just sounds sleezy but when you say look at that attractive girl it’s like oh wow what a beautiful human being and no sexual dirtiness attached to it”.
@Nopecd So I got my confidence the hard way. Which is why I’m saying to you.. you do not need to feel guilty of an unknown especially you initially felt good and ok about it. You have to trust yourself. Otherwise we will be dictated by our endless doubt and other ppls opinions. Stand up for yourself. You owe it to you. I hope this helped and thanks for listening. If by any means you disagree with me I accept that. I know it was a lot.
@Nopecd Do not break up with him. Stand In Your light. Not everyone can handle our thoughts because they are meant to be just ours. Non OCD ppl have thoughts like us but they dismiss them and aren’t compilers to share or feel guilty because they know it’s not them.
Hey everyone I know I’ve mentioned this before but, I wanted to share again just in case if anyone new sees this. I deal with cheating ocd really bad, like I always have thoughts about the past and such and get worried about things. I know my morals and values and I know id never ever cheat, but my mind always loves to play the “What if” game. It really sucks. My boyfriend is the sweetest and a god sent to me and he is always there for me but ugh this ocd dealing with cheating and false memory/real events kills me, anyone else relate? I dont know how to put up with it anymore, Just today I remembered I had an old twitter account which is now X, but I remembered I deleted my account a long long time ago but ugh I used to be on twitter so much awhile ago and my ocd acted up and was like “You better go check to make sure you didn’t do anything.” And I remembered I sat with myself and said “I know my morals I would never do that to him.” And then my ocd was like “Are you sure? What if you did?” Etc and my anxiety is now so bad about it now :(
How do you guys handle uncertainty? I keep having so many what if thoughts and I feel so bad. The worst ones are what if I act on my intrusive thoughts or actually want them and I can’t tell if they’re me or not. It just feels so real and at this point I don’t even know if they’re intrusive thoughts anymore. I just want to not be a bad person and not feel like this anymore.
TW. hii, ive been dealing with horrible thoughts as of lately. its gotten to a point where as of recently, ive been starting to eat less, sleep more, and cry a whole lot. i dont know whats wrong with me, i have confusing memories. im in a relationship, and as a highschool girl who loves hard since this is my first relationship, ive been having confusing thoughts about whether or not if i found attraction to a boy last year on a cruise. the first time i met this boy, my boyfriend knew about him because i made sure to update my boyfriend on everything. me and the boy were only friends & thats how i thought my intentions were before. but i dont know why now, a whole year later… ive been having confusing, yet convincing thoughts that i found attraction to the boy and i cheated on my boyfriend. everything seems so convincing, yet makes no sense, but i want to know the answer, did i find that boy attractive, and i try to look back into my memory to remember how i felt, but nothing works, i dont know how i felt or feel anymore. i dont know if these are false memories or theyre real memories. how do i know if they are real, concrete memories & how do i genuinely get rid of these thoughts?
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