Worrying my boyfriend doesn’t care about me

I keep worrying my boyfriend doesn’t care about me. When I’m upset sometimes it feels like it takes him a while to reply and he knows that when I feel really bad I like to hear his voice but he’s never offered that to me so it makes me feel like he doesn’t care enough about my needs. He told me that he takes a while to reply because when he’s gaming it’s online and he has to find a safe space to talk to me first, and then he will focus on me but I keep worrying he’s lying about it and that he doesn’t care about me and just continues playing when he’s told me this isn’t the case. I just worry he doesn’t care about me enough. He likes a lot of alone time but I also need attention and I said both are equally important and he went quiet and he didn’t even try to think of a compromise I was the one that suggested that he can be alone for as long as he needs and then he will give me attention when he’s done. I was feeling really sad this morning and I told him being in call would help and to be fair he did call me immediately but I was crying and it felt like he didn’t care he just said that everything will be ok and I love you, I don’t know maybe he expresses his emotions a lot different to mine. It’s just difficult because I don’t understand when someone isn’t exactly like me and it makes me worry that they don’t care about me.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

i totally understand where you’re coming from. I used to feel exactly like this in my old relationship. i think what helped me is to realize that although my partner is there to support me, its not his job to SOLVE my emotional distress or all the negative feelings i was feeling. that was something i had to figure out internally because it seemed like he never had the right answer for me. only YOU are going to know how to soothe yourself and get yourself back to a happy place, and his role should be to be your support system. That being said, you can always be honest with him about the way you’re feeling and how his actions (or lack of actions) make you doubt his love for you. But this seems like a reassurance issue and trust me its hard to overcome. Only you can give yourself the reassurance that he loves you by using evidence of the ways that he shows you love.

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

The challenge here is to recognize what's OCD distortion and what's a valid concern. All relationships take work at every level, and all too often young people give way to much, way too soon. I'm hoping you find peace in your mind and emotions. We're always here for you in this community.

AlwaysWorried

Date posted: 1y

@Mike in PA It’s really difficult sometimes. If I’m constantly asking my boyfriend for reassurance is it more likely to be ocd than a valid concern?

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@AlwaysWorried Seeking reassurance is certainly an OCD trait. We don't like uncertainty. ERP therapy teaches us to accept uncertainty. I have a long story I could share about how this very thing affects me too. Are you counseling for OCD at all?

AlwaysWorried

Date posted: 1y

@Mike in PA No, not at the moment. I’m on the waiting list but I’m not sure if they’ll have much knowledge about ocd

Someone99

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@AlwaysWorried Ok. Hopefully they do. And also, I know with me my insecurities in relationships stem from some other stuff, like a need for nurture, and some childhood issues as well. And that all feeds the OCD. So some inner reflection and healing may be needed to. :-)

.Anonymous.1

Date posted: 24w

My Partner

Recently she has told me she will be calling a lot less and stuff, this bothers me because well I’m scared, as I’m writing this I sent messages from 1pm to 7pm and tried calling her, no reply or anything, as a man it’s not good to be left alone with my mind, I’ve had “those” thoughts because of everything else going on, I told her how I felt and she said she’s sorry but she’s uncomfortable calling a lot, granted I’ve been doing good not calling her but when I really need her or call her she doesn’t pick up, this entire situation has screwed me up, it doesn’t help I have a overthinking problem, I’m scared to lose her, I’m scared to share my feelings fully without it being a burden or emotionally wearing her down, well that’s life, god do I hate it.

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

cam123

Date posted: 22w

Stressing about my relationship

Me and my boyfriend have only been together for a short period of time....and he's head over heels for me...at least he says so. All the time I'm so scared he's going to break up with me or any time something is uncomfortable I shut down and think I did something or he's thinking about me in a negative way and I don't know how to stop it. He doesn't do anything to seem like he wants to break up with me, but any time he does something a little different then normal I immediately think of the worst. If he's being really quiet I'll be thinking *is he going to break up with me* *does he not want to be with me* *is he just hanging out with me right now because he wants a girlfriend to pass the time* all of that stuff. And honestly I'm so scared..... because what if my thoughts are true?

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Worrying my boyfriend doesn’t care about me

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