OCD Relapse (Schiz OCD)

Just wanted to share a little bit about my journey on here. Started having fears that I was developing schizophrenia about a year and a half ago. This lead to complete panic in my life. I couldn’t work,sleep,socialize,etc. My core fears were hearing voices internal or external,visual hallucinations, developing delusions,losing insight, and many more I can’t think of right now. My brain started to mimic all of those things. My anxiety was so bad I was seeing my talk therapist almost 3-4 times a week, asking him if he thinks I have schizophrenia and searching for reassurance. It was hell. I was afraid to bring specific things that were going on in my head because I automatically thought that my psychiatrist would think I have schizophrenia and diagnose me right away. That wasn’t the case. She said this was classic OCD. All that gave me was temporary relief and then the need for certainty came right back. After that i was recommended NOCD and it changed my life. I started doing ERP, reacting to these thoughts and fears differently, learning more about how to not give in to compulsions. After 2 months I felt the best I’ve ever felt in my life. Feeling stable and strong. Changed my life forever. Then we come to today. I’m back into my old ways of thinking and it feels worse. The thoughts feel realer. I’m having panic attacks. Questioning what I believe, worried about voices in my head and questioning if I’m delusional. I even question if this is OCD anymore, everything that’s happening feels different this time and more real. I completely question if I’m currently in psychosis right now. I’m spending my days sitting analyzing,mentally reviewing, and testing every thought. Trying to figure out the thoughts to give me relief. Checking to make sure I’m not delusional and that I’m in control of my thoughts in my head and in control of the inner monologue in my head. Everything feels so real and different then what I did last time. Feels that this is now triggering schizophrenia. Terrified, confused, sad, and hopeless at this point. Now I feel alone and lost. Not sure what to do moving forward. Anyway if you feel that your alone, I want to tell you you’re not. Keep fighting. Resist compulsions. Sit with the fear. Accept uncertainty. Have some self compassion.

rainlover

Date posted: 2y

Had this exactly myself. It was intense!!! Symptoms of schizophrenia manifested in my brain and then it was super believable. I remember the scariest moment for me was after I had forced myself to visit a family member. I was so anxious to go home. On the drive back the sounds of the city sounded like there were directly in my ear playing on headphones and echoing. The cars and the sound of air. I started depersonalizing and it intensified the sounds. I panicked all day everyday for months. YOU are not alone. You’re not schizophrenic. You’re not going insane. Feel every sensation and symptom and tell shout that they can’t hurt you. You can do it again. You got this.

hen7

Date posted: 2y

So sorry to hear you’re feeling so low. But you’re doing amazing! Setbacks are part of recovery and your OCD is just trying to keep their hold on you by throwing new things at you. 2 months is not too long a time for treatment so you’re far from hopeless. Are you still seeing your NOCD therapist? If you can, try and cut out one of the compulsions. For example the thought testing. The compulsions not helping you anyway. If you had schizophrenia then the checking, reviewing and analyzing won’t change anything. It would just be what it is. Nothing changes about your current situation whether you have certainty or not. Hang in there. You’ve defeated it once, so you can absolutely do it again! 💪

galina

Date posted: 22w

New here and want to connect

I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!

cait1299

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16w

Really struggling!

Hi guys! I had really bad harm ocd about 2 years ago and I went through therapy and eventually got really good at handling it when it would pop up. The other day, I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a girl talking about a guy who was presenting a lot of schizophrenic symptoms but no one paid attention and got him help, he was having a lot of delusions, hallucinating, thinking everyone was out to get him, thought he was Jesus and his dad was the president and ended up doing horrific things. The day after that, I was dealing with some work drama and had the thought of “what if all my coworkers are against me and trying to get me fired”. That really stressed me out, cause I don’t normally think about them like that and I went down a rabbit hole of thinking that was the beginning of me developing schizophrenia, ended up googling stuff all night, taking tests, crying and seeking reassurance. I had a thought the other day “your dad is the president”, this one didn’t stress me out as bad as I knew it was just the video I had seen and it was an intrusive thought about it, and I also didn’t believe it. Today I was with some friends and I got a prize at a place we went and it said “lonely” on it. I do have my moments of feeling lonely and this week has been specifically trying so I had a thought like “oh someone’s out to get me cause I got this”. I know this isn’t logical and it wouldn’t make sense to just randomly get it if someone was truly after me and it was just a stupid prize at a random place, anyone could’ve gotten it. Im just struggling a lot with schizophrenic OCD and thinking I’m in the pre stages of it. In my good moments, I don’t think I am at all and it was all just sparked from the video I watched but in my bad moments, these thoughts feel real!! They really stress me out and make me feel like I’m going to lose my mind causing me to lose my job/ end up in a psych hospital/ never live a normal life/ end up alone, never see me my loved ones/ hurt my loved ones. I just want to feel normal and not like I’m about to lose my mind and everything I care about. Please help!!! Anyone else going through something similar and can help me get through this!

summerloveru...

Date posted: 14w

So...

I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!

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OCD Relapse (Schiz OCD)

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