- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
OCD Relapse (Schiz OCD)
Just wanted to share a little bit about my journey on here. Started having fears that I was developing schizophrenia about a year and a half ago. This lead to complete panic in my life. I couldn’t work,sleep,socialize,etc. My core fears were hearing voices internal or external,visual hallucinations, developing delusions,losing insight, and many more I can’t think of right now. My brain started to mimic all of those things. My anxiety was so bad I was seeing my talk therapist almost 3-4 times a week, asking him if he thinks I have schizophrenia and searching for reassurance. It was hell. I was afraid to bring specific things that were going on in my head because I automatically thought that my psychiatrist would think I have schizophrenia and diagnose me right away. That wasn’t the case. She said this was classic OCD. All that gave me was temporary relief and then the need for certainty came right back. After that i was recommended NOCD and it changed my life. I started doing ERP, reacting to these thoughts and fears differently, learning more about how to not give in to compulsions. After 2 months I felt the best I’ve ever felt in my life. Feeling stable and strong. Changed my life forever. Then we come to today. I’m back into my old ways of thinking and it feels worse. The thoughts feel realer. I’m having panic attacks. Questioning what I believe, worried about voices in my head and questioning if I’m delusional. I even question if this is OCD anymore, everything that’s happening feels different this time and more real. I completely question if I’m currently in psychosis right now. I’m spending my days sitting analyzing,mentally reviewing, and testing every thought. Trying to figure out the thoughts to give me relief. Checking to make sure I’m not delusional and that I’m in control of my thoughts in my head and in control of the inner monologue in my head. Everything feels so real and different then what I did last time. Feels that this is now triggering schizophrenia. Terrified, confused, sad, and hopeless at this point. Now I feel alone and lost. Not sure what to do moving forward. Anyway if you feel that your alone, I want to tell you you’re not. Keep fighting. Resist compulsions. Sit with the fear. Accept uncertainty. Have some self compassion.