- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 2y
Little children (Movie)
Today I decided to not limit myself because I was uncomfortable with my POCD so I decided that I was going to be open. I went to church and there’s a bunch of kids at church and I was trying to be normal and I saw this adorable kid and I told my sister she’s adorable and she agreed and to be kind. I said to the kid “you’re so adorable”. She said thank you and that was the exchange but I couldn’t help but feel like I creeped her out or I was being creepy and I didn’t mean it that way so it’s kind of tearing me me up right now I don’t ever know if I’m going to be normal I don’t understand my feelings and my emotions I don’t know if I am a pedophile or it’s just the OCD I’ve been dealing with this for four years and it just won’t go away Another kid also came in today at church, and he looked like he was in my age group, but I don’t think he was by the way he acted, and I can’t explain the feelings that I was feeling at the time when he came in because he came out of nowhere and I couldn’t understand it I didn’t know if what I was feeling was wrong or the OCD, and he kept staring at me which was making it worse and I kind of thought. Well I’m a pedophile then because I felt like I liked him for some reason and I didn’t feel that way four years ago. So I remembered this movie I watched as a kid called little children, and there was a pedophile in the movie named Ronnie and he really did some crazy stuff in the movie but his story was basically saying you can be a pedophile in still not want to be a pedophile and I think that’s why I kind of lost it and now I’m thinking just because I feel bad or I feel guilty does not mean I’m not a pedophile because all the feelings that I’m feeling when that little boy came in to church must be true and I just don’t wanna believe it so now I’m hurt and I just want to be normal like when I was 14.