maybe a trigger for rocd-people: Right now I should be working on an essay I have to hand in but my thoughts drive me insane... for the last hour I‘ve searched the internet about the difference between (r)ocd and general anxiety disorder, because I wasn‘t sure, cuz maybe I do not have ocd and its just anxiety, which would mean that my worries about my boyfriend not being the right partner for me are indeed true... and I couldn‘t stop researching, it was so hard to close the browser because maybe maybe the piece of advice I was searching for would be behind the next link... Now I feel so fucking drained and tired and my head still keeps going: what if you do not have ocd, what if you are just acting that you have ocd, what if you do not love your boyfriend, what if my googeling is not reassurance seeking what if it’s just a way my mind is telling me that I do need to leave my boyfriend, what if rocd is not real ocd and everyone just pretends that it is, what if what if what if... and it‘s so fucking draining and I‘m so tired of it? any advice on what to do? (no reassurance obviously)

I started seeing a therapist since April, but it was a hard process. I had to endure a lot of panic attacks, self doubts, suicidal ideations. It started with observing how I treat myself, and I realized I've been self sabotaging since I was a teenager (due to insecurities etc). You can do it. It's not an easy process, and I still struggle, but the clear and peaceful moments with myself and with my boyfriend are all worth it.

are you religious at all?

@chandlerbrooke nope not at all??‍♀️

I don't know if this will work for you, but it worked for me. I've been noticing that I'm looking a specific feeling from a partner that I can't find from my boyfriend. I always look for certainty that I love him and that hes the one for me. Then I started not to look outside but inwards, I start to love myself. Today is actually the 1st day I felt my love for myself. Like how you love a partner, and it is working. When I feel that I am enough, I do not look for the specific feeling of rightness. I know this is just a part of my symptoms, but it has helped me today. No harm in trying.

@jeanmen thanks for your kind answer and I‘m really happy this worked for you✨ It sounds like a lot of inner work how long have you been practicing?