Username: XPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Today I feel a really disappointed

I have been really struggling with contamination OCD, I'm so afraid of touching things, I fear getting ill or my baby, and the very worst is the insane amount I wash my hands, my psychologist told me I should take note 📝 of every time I wash my hands during the day and also to write what are the thoughts that drives me to wash my hands, past week there was a day I washed them 30 times in just one hour 😓😱😨😰😭 I feel so miserable about it, my mother keeps telling me things like: "OMG that's insane! It's wrong, stop it! Like if it was so easy just to stop. My husband just says: oh just stop washing them so much it's not necessary 😑😒. I feel like no one understands me, I feel like I'm the weirdest person alive like no one else has ever washed their hands so much as me. I'm fighting everyday to wake up early and break the vicious circle of being so down and lazy.

Username: AlexandrawithOCDAlexandrawit...

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi Paulina, I also struggle with handwashing contamination OCD. You are not the weirdest person alive. It’s tough, but keep up with therapy it gets better.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hi Alexandra, I appreciate a lot your kind support thank you so much, it warms my heart and gives me hope. I will try to find a new psychologist the one I have it doesn't seem to help me so much with this matter...

Username: PJ32PJ32

Date posted: 1y ago

The erp will help you with this by having you face your triggers then refraining from the compulsions that normally follow to relieve the anxiety. Eventually you habituate the intrusive thoughts. Washing your hands is only adding fuel to the ocd fire and it can get worse. Don't engage with compulsions. It's difficult.......but so is washing your hands 30x in an hour. Difference is abstaining from compulsions strengthens you, engaging in compulsions weakens you.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello and thousand thanks for your response and to have explained me this so good. I have one problem more, here where I live in the north of Sweden there's no psychologists who know CBT OR ERP, or anything else. I have really tried to find, I'm so desperate. I will ask to chat gpt to give me some examples how to apply the ERP by self also. The irony here it's that I'm a license psychologist, but after this very extremely hard 6 years of my life here in Sweden, I have ended up trapped in this horrible circle of fear.

Username: anaaanaa

Date posted: 1y ago

You are not alone. I also suffer from severe contamination ocd that i wash my hands even after opening or closing doors or whatever i touch. And its not just bcz i will get ill, i am not that afraid of illness but its bcz of inner satisfaction which i dont feel if i dont wash my hands. My life is ruined bcz of this. I dont want to go out of my room bcz i have to wash hands after touching everything. Sometimes i think how can someone be so afraid of contamination that it will give them severe anxiety. For normal people its not a big deal but for me its greater than a monster. I think "CONTAMINATION" is the biggest fear of my life. Sometime i feel like i am about to give up. I cannot live with ocd anymore. My brain is tired of such thoughts😭😭😭

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Dear Anaa, you have been such a sweetheart with me. Thank you so much for sharing this very personal feelings, thoughts and compulsions, k receive them with care and I appreciate you're open to talk. I totally agree with you, I'm so extremely saciedad about CONTAMINATION, I also experience the dame feelings and thoughts as you do, I was avoiding almost to leave the bedroom but as I have a toddler, she is my reason to leave bed abd do things, and if you don't have children, it doesn't matter, you have the most important person, YOURSELF 🩷, take little steps everyday, do it with love to you, we need to try to be more compassionate with outselves. I also have felt like I will give up, like to be alike it's painful, like to live like this is not life at all. But I want to believe there's a reason and this will pass and teach me something. If not, doesn't matter, we need to regain control in our lives. Dear friend, I send you a hug and as I said before in other answers to you, I'm here whenever you need me. 💗

Username: anaaanaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina Thanks dear, that's why i like talking to you. Seems good when someone don't judge you. People who dont have ocd will just tell you dont do these compulsions as simple. But for us avoiding this is not simple. I haven't shared about my ocd with anyone. I just post here sometimes when i feel too much overwhelmed by my thoughts.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@anaa You're welcome dear Anaa, it makes me sad you haven't been able to share this with anyone else. I also like talking to you too. It feels great to not be judged, I found this place as an amazing opportunity to make good friends and get kind and compassionate support from other members here who silently struggle too. It's so heartwarming 💕. You know you just tag me and I will answer. I'm new here I'm not expert in this app yet and also I can see it doesn't really show all the notifications, but I will keep an eye here. I send you a hug and lots of hope for you dear 🫂 🤗

Username: anaaanaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina Wanna hug you back. I also like this platform where we get to hear alot of positive words. And thanks for being here. I am also here if you ever need someone to talk to 🤗🤗

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@anaa Hug received 🤗 💖 I agree there's very kind ans sweet people here, showing support and encouraging others to overcome, that's noting but true LOVE and KINDNESS.

Username: anaaanaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina Yeah i agree, this support is really helpful for everyone who is struggling with ocd

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@anaa It's absolutely a great complement in the road to overcome this.

Username: anaaanaa

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina 100% true

Username: annatonksannatonks

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm so sorry, it sounds like your close circle does not understand at all :( Hang in there. Maybe consider seeing a psychiatrist too, if it doesn't get better for a long time. You are not alone, a lot of us are going through the same thing 🙏

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much for your response 🥺🩷 it's exactly like thar, they don't seem to understand me, even if I have explained them about OCD. That makes me feel weird and alone in this. I have considered it about a psychiatrist, but I'm really no eager to start medications, I want to leave that as my last resource. Thank you once more 🙏🏼

Username: RukaRuka

Date posted: 1y ago

You’re not alone, I have contamination ocd and it’s gotten so bad to the point where sometimes I’m in the shower for 4+ hours.. it’s so exhausting but if you ever need someone to talk to I understand

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello dear Ruka, thank you so much for your repsonse and thank you for sharing your pain with me as well. I understand you completely, it's so painful and debilitating 😓😭 I have also washed my hands or my toddlers hands for 30 minutes without being able to stop, and crying in the meantime (without her noticing) and feeling so miserable and extremely nauseated about myself and those compulsions. I'd would to talk to you also. Best regards and blessings to you ✨️ ❤️

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello dear Ruka thank you so much for your repsonse and thank you for sharing your pain with me as well.I understand you completely, it's so painful and debilitating have also washed my hands or my toddlers hands for 30 minutes without being able to stop, and crying in the meantime (without her noticing) and feeling so miserable and extremely nauseated about myself and those compulsions I'd would to talk to you also. Best regards and blessings to you

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 1y ago

Do you speak Swedish? Well, I continue in English. My first advice: you have to stop blaming yourself, it's just adding more stress to your situation. Self compassion is so, so important. You haven't asked for this disorder!! 2. I live in Sweden. I can recommend "Internetpsykiatri"- online therapy with competent psychologists. I have gone through multiple treatments with bad therapists, but this one was really good!! For everyone in Sweden, no remiss(?) is needed!

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello Estrid, I'm not so good at Swedish when it comes to speaking, I'm from Mexico. I live in Kåge in Skellefteå kommun, so here's nearly impossible to find specialized help like with CBT and ERP. I will now check it your suggestions. Thank you so much for reminding me to ve kind to myself, you're right, I didn't ask to get this disease. Tack så mycket✨️🩷🙏🏼!!!

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello Estrid, I'm not so good at Swedish when it comes to speaking, I'm from Mexico. I live in Kåge in Skellefteå kommun, so here's nearly impossible to find specialized help like with CBT and ERP. I will now check it your suggestions Thank you so much for reminding me to ve kind to myself you're right, I didn't ask to get this disease. Tack så mycket!

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina You are welcome. Yes, it's really difficult to find help here in Sweden, it took me 15 (!) years to find someone trained in ERP. I know the Swedish model "Internetpsykiatri" is used in some part of UK, so maybe you can ask if it's possible for you to have the english version, I don't know. You work with the therapy on your own, but you can ralk to the psychologist if you ask for it, and you can ask questions in emails monday-friday. It give you the basics and you will see progress. To me it was so, SO good! I have used it two times, I have gad severe OCD. Here is a link: https://www.internetpsykiatri.se/behandling/tvangssyndrom-ocd/anmalan/

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@Estrid Hello dear Estrid, thank you so MUCH 😊 I'm so happy to have found someone else here in Sweden. Thank you so much for the link. I went there right away, I'm trying to log in with the bank ID but the website doesn't really load, I will try from another device. I'm also hoping the have an English version. So van I get CBT and or ERP there? This feels like some hope finally! 💗🩷🙏🏼

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina ❤️👍if you have problems you can just call them. This is CBT with focus on ERP, it's a "OCD-mottagning", they are specialists.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@Estrid Thank you Estrid ❤️ I have logged in, but it doesn't show anything for Västerbotten region, so I called to the healthcare center here in my town, I left I voice message. Is there a direct number to this place you have recommended me?

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 1y ago

@XPaulina Telefon 08 123 857 22, kl 8.15-15.30. It doesn't matter where you live in Sweden.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

@Estrid Thank you so much Estrid, I will call again, I called but didn't succeed, I will keep on trying until I can get in touch with them. Thousand thanks for the great help 💖🤗🫂

Username: sigirt3sigirt3

Date posted: 1y ago

You are not the weirdest person alive. There are so many of us that deal with this and it is debilitating. I am in the US and doing exposure therapy with OCD. I did an exposure hierarchy with my therapist so we start with the things that give me a level 2-3 anxiety repetitively unless the anxiety goes down and just keep working your way up the hierarchy.

Username: XPaulinaXPaulina

Date posted: 1y ago

Thank you so much for your kind support and to share with me what's working for you. I wish nothing but ti find therapist close to me, but here where I live there's no one. Also the ones through this app, are located all in the US, so sadly they don't match with my items it would need to be in the middle of the night for me, but I will at least give it a try. Thanks again 🩷🙏🏼

Username: Rochel

Date posted: 2y ago

My therapist is getting on top of the way I wash my hands. Its really challenging. I am struggling with bad contamination OCD. It really takes up so much brain space. I would love to hear from other people how their journey is going.

Contamination OCD

Username: tupperware

Date posted: 1y ago

how do i stop

i don’t know what to do anymore i have to wash my hands 30+ times a day and i have panic attacks if i accidentally touch my face during school bc my hands are dirty and i have to pull out a napkin and wet it with my water bottle in the middle of class it’s so embarrassing and my hands hurt so bad they’re so dry and red and im trying to get myself to limit my hand washing to once when i get home and once before i wash my face at night but it’s so hard cause literally while i wash my hands my brain will be like “it’s just three more washes would you rather do that or face the consequences” and it’s so loud in my head that i can’t do anything but listen i hate my ocd so much

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 43w ago

Contamination OCD driving me insane

My contamination ocd has gotten so bad over the last 6 months. My roommate moved in with his girlfriend and I’m living in my own now, which makes it harder for me to suppress the urge to wash my hands. It makes me not want to do anything but stay at home. I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t even rationalize it anymore. Today for example, my girlfriend got out of the shower before me and wanted to get a new towel so put the towel on the floor. I didn’t have any clean ones except for the one that I use to wipe down my dogs feet after she steps in poop or mud or something. The towel has been run through the wash, but after using it I see that there were some brown streaks still on the towel, making me think that the towel didn’t get fully clean in the wash. It’s completely killed my mood and now I’m sitting here feeling anxious because I can’t do anything about it without feeling weird in front of my girlfriend. She’s very supportive about things like this, but I’m worried she’ll feel bad. Just wanted to vent, hoping it’ll make me feel better until I can go home and shower again

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