Feels like I’ve done something stupid to a women drunk like extremely bad so I bet you can guess what it is, I don’t feel comfortable typing it. I don’t know if it’s OCD or that I actually done it the guilt feels like I’ve done it and causing extreme fear, what do you suggest please? There’s no way of finding out really unless I go to a police station, any help etc or suggestions what I could do next?
hi i struggle with this too, actually reported myself to police with no result. i feel like it's not really talked about so your post made me feel a little less crazy. my therapist has been really helpful in putting things in perspective, our brains can twist and distort memories... ive been told to remember my core values but im still very much beginning therapy. its really horrible, sorry to hear you are going through this.
@Anonymous @Anonymous Hi I kept this in for nearly two months before I finally spoke because I thought I was the only one, every waking minute I would think about it it’s horrific, glad you can resonate with my story too as I believe it helps knowing you are not alone in this, yes I guess if we was evil we wouldn’t care but we do care hugely even though our brains think we’re bad, hope this have helped you too
@Anonymous this is what its important to keep thinking, ocd is egodystonic too - it gets a grip by capitalising on what we fear the most. and generally i think alcohol is a nightmare for this disorder lol
@Anonymous 100% agree I’m trying to limit my alcohol limits too, it causes me to go the opposite to blackout drunk for months, but I’ve lowered my drinking loads, do you mind if I ask do you still drink much alcohol now? Or have you gone sober
@Anonymous after my real event trigger i went fully sober but in hindsight that was probably a compulsion (at the time, i thought i was a criminal and that it wasnt ocd). despite this i havent gone back to drinking just because my lifestyle has improved with sobriety and im much happier sober haha
@Anonymous Totally understandable I’m in the same boat as you I feel a criminal which led me to drink to blackout, yes sobriety is the goal for myself, if your happier then that’s all that matters.
I’ve had similar problems of things I remember on a night out and I can’t properly remember - very horrible You have to just try and focus on your values
@Jonathan123147 @Jonathan123147 Thank you Jonathan, this has helped too glad I’m not alone and your not alone too, sorry to hear your struggling too.
Bad people don’t worry about being bad people
@Jonathan123147 What did you find does help if there is anything please, open to ideas because I’m struggling
Very similar experience w OCD, it’s just so hard. I want to say something encouraging, yet I’m having a bad moment myself wrapped up in fear.
@Ozzieaussie It is difficult but we’re not alone as I thought I was when it first happened, your strong you’ll get past this, I have exactly the same feelings too, is there anything that’s helped you and what’s helped me is this app, reading up about it even though it maybe triggering
Sometimes talking back and o the thoughts help like “that would suck” or “that thought makes you anxious, huh?” Or “I can’t ever know for certain.”
I have this same situation replaying in my head. It has to do with porn so if your young just know this may be a little graphic. I tend to use Twitter for porn and the reason I do this is it’s a lot more direct I can type in what I want to see and it’s there I don’t have to go through unknown websites and hope not to get viruses, and to be a little more specific more amateur/ real sexual experiences come up on Twitter rather than porn pages with staged written scenes. So in my use of Twitter for this there’s been times when questionable material/ illegal material has come up and never did I save it knowing it was 100% illegal or even interact with it if I knew it was 100% illegal. I was 18 or 19 at the time of this and I started to fear that in these moments I would look at these illegal videos/ sketchy videos to long when they would pop up like for example I remember seeing a video that was 100% illegal content and I was so shocked and like confused that I looked at it for a moment and then left and then I went back to look at it again just to confirm that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing I also remember seeing videos that were in a 18+ section but sometimes the girls in the videos looked like they could be 15-17. As we all know 18 year olds can look anywhere from 15-17 or even younger these days so I would be cautious and use my context clues and what I knew when watching videos that I was suspicious about but had no proof of them being illegal aside from my thoughts and the person looking young. So with this and me worrying I got super scared and hyper aware of what I was watching and now I remember me going back on Twitter to look at content that I was intending to be 18+ but all I would think about is what if something illegal would come up what if I see it and I look for to long or what if I feel attracted and I like it. And I just remember going back to Twitter to look at legal porn but it felt like I was there so that something illegal could come up to see how I’d naturally react to it. Never did I go and type in key words or type in anything illegal in fact I remember times I would strictly put 18+ next to whatever I was searching so I could be sure everything was legal but sometimes it would feel like my hope and intention was that I would see something illegal so that I could feel that anxiety rush or just to see how I would react naturally to seeing it and I feel like this would count as me intentionally looking for it so now I feel disgusting and like I committed a crime. Sometimes I just feel like I was only looking at porn because I wanted to feel that anxiety of what if something bad comes up and how would I react. I know deep down I didn’t want to see illegal content and that I was probably just feeling that I wanted to check how id feel if it did come up but now I feel like I was intentionally looking and that my whole objective was for something questionable to come up so I can see how I react. Is this ocd or did I just make a horrible decision?
I think I know what honestly is what caused my OCD. I’ve never told anyone this but I have to if I want help. When I was either 10 or 11, I think 10 I was at my family’s thanksgiving dinner. Around this time I discovered porn and got addicted. I would watch porn and read erotica. Because of this I guess I wanted to experiment. I feel absolutely horrible just thinking about this but I was playing around with my little cousin, he was around 7 I think and I remember we were playing chase or hide and seek, and I grabbed him and hugged him (something I never done before), and got a boner. I did this for pleasure. That’s all I did that was sexual but I feel so horrible. I try to give myself grace as I was only 10 and didn’t know the consequences of something so disgusting. I keep thinking “what if I went farther and hurt him?”. I talk to him sometimes and he seems comfortable with me and I think he doesn’t even remember this ever happened and just thought I hugged him for some reason all those years ago. I am NOT attracted to him at all but I think this incident and remembering it when I was 14 has caused my OCD such as POCD for all these years. I am 18 now but I feel absolutely horrible. And now it’s even worse because I have been invited to his 15th birthday party in Mexico. I’m traveling all the way to another country just to be near him! Obviously I know I won’t touch him or be innopropriate with him. But what if he has felt uncomfortable with me all this time? He seems fine with me and not uncomfortable around me but still. If I feel as if I go to this trip, I am a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Am I a horrible person for what I did and continuing to be around him? I remember reading Reddit and Quora stories of similar people who felt horrible and people told them to not feel bad as they were only children and they learned and now know that was wrong and that to not tell anyone as it could only make things extremely awkward.Please help. I know COCSA is a very serious topic that harms people and I feel like a horrible perpetrator now.
Hey guys, for the past three months I’ve been obsessing over a mistake I made about 6 months ago, I constantly have panic attacks and wake up in fight or flight mode I have convinced myself that someone is gonna find me somehow and punish me. I have endlessly looked up reassurance that what I did wouldn’t get me in trouble or something, I have filled up 5 different ChatGPT chats and it tells me it’s 100% certain nothing will happen. But then I convince myself well everyone says not to trust it and then I just spiral again. The point is I’m just scared, I’ve convinced myself this isn’t OCD because it’s something I actually did wrong. I can’t stop looking for reassurance because that’s the only thing that makes me feel safe anymore. Everyone tells me, just say maybe, maybe not, but my brain has convinced me the stakes are too high. I’m too scared and I don’t know what to do.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
