Hey everyone.. i’m a 19 year old girl and this is really hard for me to type out and i’m also really scared I did something genuinely wrong, but I can’t remember if I actually did it, but I think I did do at least some of what I remember, so like around a couple years ago, I was on this internet chatsite cause I was bored, and I talked to people, but I know I had said some “inappropriate “ things to some adults, and “cammed” if you know what i’m talking about lmaoo (ihatemyself)-anyway, on this site there were occasionally children, and sometimes I would just talk to them shortly too, but then when I think back, I can’t remember if I also did something bad or said anything bad to a freaking child... like if I think hard enough about it i’m like,, what if I said inappropriate things to a child??? what if I said I wanted to come get this child or something, but I really don’t remember doing THAT, but I still worry i’m just not remembering it, and I have been miserable about this for so long, I even went to the ER because I was suicidal because of this doubt, and I told a nurse about it, but I was really scared and crying cause I thought now she’ll tell the authorities or something, and then she just said, no, we couldn’t do that just because some girl “thinks” she might have done that, but I still feel paranoid, like maybe I manipulated her to think that, by seeming distressed about it, like basically Idk what to do because I feel like if I just forget about it, what If i actually did it, and it also makes me scared to make new friends or even try dating, cause I feel like if they knew the “real” me, everyone would leave me because they would rightfully be disgusted with me, and sometimes I just don’t know what to do.. sometimes i kinda learn to live with the doubt, I even told my sister and my friend, and they said that they still love me EVEN if I did it, but i’m afraid there’s always more I didn’t recall and if people knew the truth they would all hate me and leave me. And I feel like I can’t get help because I almost don’t even think it’s ocd, I think I really did do something terrible.. Im sorry if this post is a mess, I just don’t know what to do anymore..

POCD

FernandoV

Date posted: 6y

I went through something super similar to yours. I almost ended in the ER too. --- For me it took almost 3 therapist to finally open up about it. ---- I had to go to an intensive outpatient program and reas a lot on perfectionism. --- Here is the deal - and this is the only time I will say it, I hope you don't keep posting after this asking for reassurance. --- Here's the thing: You are a human and you are not perfect. You will NEVER know whether you did anything inappropriate- NEVER. Why? Because your "real event" has been hijacked by OCD. Now it's pure fiction mixed with garbage. Second - In the case that you did something inappropriate" by society's standards, you are a human with the right to make mistakes. Let alone a teenager. Yes - many would judge you - yes many would shake their head but who the f... Carea what other think. The people who love you unconditionally would never stop loving you. You were doing the best you could with the knowledge you had at the moment.

allllll

Date posted: 6y

Hi there! I’m 21 and went through something similar. I had this feeling, or obsession, that I had done something terrible. And I was so worried about what my boyfriend would think when he found out or my parents or anyone! I could barely live with the guilt that I was feeling.....i kept telling myself I could never do that or that didn’t happen because x, y and z. I’m learning through therapy that you have to be okay with the uncertainty. Obviously much easier said than done....but really, what is worrying going to do about it? I saw a good quote today. “No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future” Allow yourself to be okay with the uncertainty that MAYBE you did do something bad, but MAYBE you didn’t. Hope this helps girl. Feel better <3

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I had pretty much the same experience. I called 988, told my family about it, tried to explain to anyone who would listen. Each time they said they understood and knew that I would never intentionally hurt or harass someone. It never felt like I could accept them at their word. It felt so fake. But through ERP I’m getting better now I and I hope you are too

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