- Date posted
- 2y
Just take one day at the time...
Hello everyone, I wanted to share something that for me felt like a step towards searching and finding healing on this OCD I suffer from. The day before yesterday after I got very disappointed and hurt both my mom and my husband (by very ugly things they said to me). I went to bed thinking: "I can't let myself to fall apart", it feels no one understands me, they don't take me seriously, they just ignore me (specially my husband), so I thought I will then trust in myself I will be more compassionate and kind to myself, for me and my daughter. So yesterday, when I woke up, every morning when I'm up, before I dare to touch my little toddler, I must wash my hands at least 7 times, so yesterday I did just 1. Almost immediately after it came to my mind that thought who always makes me doubt if I did or not something, if I did good or not, if I did it good enough or not, something like this: " have you washed your hands enough?" Theb I answered to myself inside my mind YES I HAVE! Then almost instantly another thought, "what IF you didn't do it good enough?" (Wash my hands) I again told to myself, OH YES! I DID IT ENOUGH, IF I DIDNT THEN, WE WILL SEE WHAT MAY HAPPEN. Almost immediately the anxiety reduced so much that I got like a sudden feeling of happiness and relief. I also didn't do all the rituals with cleaning before i can offer food to my daughter. Then I did something bigger I decided to go out and take a walk with my baby, even if very scared about dust and dirty streets because they are building something in my block so it looks not so nice, I also fear a lot the bird droppings since I read for 2 months ago there's bird influenza in many lasts in Europe including Sweden (where I live) but just in wild gulls, and other birds, so I'm very scared to walk close to those, it's hard not to do so. Still after all, I went out I didn't feel super good I could feel strange smells in the ambient, feeling threatened by possible contamination agents, but still ai stayed out longer than I expected, because my girl looked so happy. I even dare to pass by the daycare and talk to a teacher about taking my daughter there as soon as we make the application. It stills scares me to be close to people because I fear they will sneeze or cough on my face. Obviously I came home and took a shower and give one to my girl also. But I made it! ๐๐๐ผ๐ฅบ๐ฅบ๐๐โจ๏ธ๐my husband didn't congratulate me anything, didn't recognize my effort, I felt very sad, I cried, but after all, I didn't care, because I'm doing this for me and my daughter. If some other people doesn't cheer up and congratulates me because they think it's absurd or stupid, I don't care, they don't know and clearly don't want to know or learn about contamination abd health concerns OCD. All the best for you all, specially for those beautiful and sweet people here who has been so kind to me๐ฅบ๐โจ๏ธ๐๐โค๏ธ๐๐๐ฉท๐ญ

