accepting uncertainty and still caring about life?

How do you accept uncertainty when the "consequences" could be so severe for yourself or people you care about? If I'm convinced that my actions or inactions could lead to me or someone I care about getting hurt or dying, doesn't that mean that accepting uncertainty requires not caring about my own well-being or theirs? How is that different from being suicidal? How do you value your own existence and care about your own life if you have to accept the possibility that intrusive thoughts saying you're going to die are true? I'm really trying to understand this aspect of dealing with OCD. I'm not in therapy yet but I'm trying to get a therapist but in the meantime I'm just trying to understand this stuff better. For example, some years ago on a camping trip I became nearly convinced that my family was going to take me out in the woods and kill me, either because they found out about something bad I did as a kid, or they just thought I was a disappointment and wanted to get rid of me. What's the "correct" way to deal with that kind of intrusive thought? Avoiding the trip would be avoidance, asking people directly if they wanted to kill me would be reassurance seeking, and just accepting that it might happen seems like an unhealthy lack of desire for self preservation. I've been reading a lot about ERP and OCD recovery and it all makes a lot of sense and I can see why it works, but this is a specific hangup that I can't wrap my head around. How can you care about important things if not caring is required to beat OCD? How can you know when something is actually a serious threat worth caring about if seeking that understanding just feels like chasing certainty?

Nica

Date posted: 1y

You can absolutely care about things but there’s a big difference between caring/loving something and obsessing so much, you make yourself sick. Obsession isn’t care and love.

noneuclidean

Date posted: 1y

ERP doesn’t ask you to not care about serious and present threats. It just asks you not to buy into the ocd story and invest yourself in it. You do this already all the time. There are a billion *technically potential* threats to your life that you face daily but never give a second’s thought to. If you ride in a car and you don’t ruminate about getting killed, does that make you suicidal and irresponsible? No. That makes you healthy. If you eat food without worrying if it’s been poisoned, does that mean you don’t desire self preservation? No! It just means you are taking a reasonable risk. Ocd says you can’t take any risks in certain areas of your life. To get better, you have to be willing to risk those areas. It’s incredibly simple as a concept but incredibly hard as a practice. But you can do it. One way I like to think about uncertainty is not saying “maybe this terrible thing will happen, maybe not.” But instead saying, “I’m not going to answer this question.” So in the camping trip example, you don’t have to say, “maybe my family is going to kill me. Maybe not. I’m going to be uncertain.” You could just say, “I’m not answering this question!” Because honestly, that thought didn’t deserve an answer. It was a silly, irrational, intrusive thought.

josh285

Date posted: 1y

That is a helpful way of looking at it thanks! And I do prefer just refusing to try to answer the question as well.

eugeniodepalo

Date posted: 25w

Double standards for certainty?

Do you ever feel like people without OCD have an easy time just saying “you need to accept uncertainty” only because they’re not subject to the same level of fear and anxiety as an OCD sufferer would? I feel like they don’t really accept uncertainty, they’re just naturally more certain about things. For example, if you ask anyone whether they think their loved ones are real or not, they will never answer with “maybe, but I’ll never know for sure”. They’ll just say “of course they are”. Isn’t that what certainty is? For me, as I’ve been suffering from existential OCD most of my adult life, such a question absolutely terrifies me. The mere thought of my loved ones and the world not being real sends me into a spiral of anxiety and depression and never ending certainty-seeking behavior. I just can’t stand the thought of that horrible scenario being true. How can one accept uncertainty about such a thought, when it completely undermines all my values and beliefs and world view? Can non-OCD sufferers really accept those nighmarish scenarios? Am I misunderstanding what ERP and therapy is about?

Dude01

Date posted: 20w

How do you deal with "undefined" things?

So I think what's been so specifically tough for me (idk if this is what others go through with the real event stuff) is that ... Well I basically have this mental system... - Something has been dealt with -- which means it's "ok" it's "acceptable" assessment of ___. Rumination to "problem solve" with the intrusive thought. - CONSTANT inquiries to Challenge that previous assessment conclusion i.e. "no that hasn't actually been deal with, you didn't think about ____ or this other angle or this other new thing related to it" etc. Idk how tf you fix that with ERP? Idk up from down at this point Is the "system" OCD? Should people not try to problem solve (even though it's actually rumination)? Should I not engage with the "challenges?" HOW TF does Peace of Mind actually happen when the answers seem to be "you must be delusional" or "you must leave (significant) things un-dealt with / open ended" Like, what's that actual solution here? Hopefully this made sense. Thanks

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Any tips for leaning in to uncertainty

I need tips on how to really accept the uncertainty the ocd causes, even if it feels so bad like I might get in trouble for something , do I wanna be okay with that?

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