Existential OCD making me feel so empty

I don't even know how to put this into words, but lately I have been experiencing a lot of anxiety around my existence. How can I know that I'm "real" like how can I know that what I am experiencing is actually me living. The worst part about it is that no answer that I come up with is helpful because it COULD all be "fake". That terrifies me to no end because what does that mean about me and my life. I don't beleive it but it feels so real sometimes. Like almost a false intuition? It's all making me feel so empty and pointless and I really don't like that. I'm usually very optimistic and upbeat. But I don't even know who I am anymore sometimes.

Young adults with OCD

Bremilly

Date posted: 1y

To me my anxiety prevents me from wanting to take this idea too far you know ? Like I had the issue of disconnecting and thinking of everyone as not real and sometimes it was helpful as a defense mechanism for me to not FEEL what was happening around me. That’s my guess to why it started It lead me to a point of depression and not caring where I got suicidal- the thing that stops me now is just a ‘i don’t care if this isn’t real’ Like even if I am a person controlling my body or a simulation or something my brain thing ( cause I know for sure I have thoughts ) picked to play this game and I trust myself to a certain extent. Also like I personally don’t believe in an afterlife so the idea of not being able to think anymore freaks me out so I value the ability to like go outside and pick up a leaf and look at it real close- or to watch highlighters fill up a paper and spread- maybe just grounding yourself could help you too. Like who cares if you’re ‘real’ I can trace my palm and go pet a dog and if I if I’m not real then what is real ??

rdslatten

Date posted: 1y

I know exactly what you mean with your first statement. My anxiety makes me scared to look into what I'm actually feeling. I'm so used to looking into how I feel and having that become a scary thing to obsess about. But every ince in a while I get feeling that same mechanism you talked about. I think the thing that scares me the most is like what if I stop caring about anything. What if I come to the conclusion that nothing matters and I just get more depressed. I have an amazing wife who deserves much better than someone who wouldn't care.

Bremilly

Date posted: 1y

@rdslatten I think that’s a normal fear to have and I have been in the same situation. I did get to the point where in the moment I felt that I was not good enough- that I can’t REALLY feel like other people can and that they shouldn’t even love me because it’s all projections of their real feelings. I honestly still struggle with these thoughts- i think that’s where anxiety and doubt love to sink their hooks. It could even be true that we don’t feel love the way other people do, but why is there even a scale in our heads of how much love has to weigh ? Maybe we care more- to hurt so deeply because we don’t “care like everyone else” when I think we are caring as much as we possibly can. At a point too- a loved one may not know what’s going on in our head but they still know us, and love us. Their love is also important in another way and if we can’t see it we have to try so so (SO) hard to believe we are worth it. Ik it’s cringe and I don’t even believe I’m worth it but I know I should feel that. I think that’s where trying to be content with ourselves comes in

Bremilly

Date posted: 1y

@Bremilly Idk if I’m making sense, but like I do feel like maybe my feelings are not real cause I don’t feel like I feel them, but I mean the sadness and lonely ness may just be misplaced love ? Like I know I would love them if I could, and maybe I do but just not in the normal way ? And like what’s wrong with that ?

Bremilly

Date posted: 1y

@Bremilly Sorry I could totally be projecting if you don’t feel the same ways I do let me know ! I just related to what you were saying

rdslatten

Date posted: 1y

Haha don't worry, I feel you! Alot of this journey for me has been finding out what I'm actually feeling. Maybe it's all the confusing Mish mash of stuff going on in my head that makes me question what is what.

rdslatten

Date posted: 1y

I really appreciate you replying to my post, I was feeling very alone today

imsonocd

Date posted: 24w

Any tips on Existential OCD?

I’m really struggling with this theme because it can make me feel “fake” and it creates doubts that the world around me isn’t real or it’s a simulation? I’m really trying to expose myself but even the possibility makes me incredibly afraid. It even plays into my suicidal ocd as well and makes me afraid that my life would be miserable if this was true. I know how ocd works and I know not to fully believe that. But at the same time, I am trapped in doubt and fear. How could I possibly accept this? Will I ever see the world or life the same again? (Don’t answer that I realize that’s reassurance). Idk this theme is so ass.

iLounge21

Date posted: 16w

ERP for Existential OCD?

Been struggling with existential OCD lately. Very hard to describe the thoughts/feelings, but it is a constant feeling of being stuck in my head. Like what is consciousness and where do I think from? Like I think it’s OCD, maybe it is maybe it isn’t. But if it is, what would be good ERP exercises? Just existing (lol)? And what would be my response prevention? I’m not even sure what mental compulsions I may be doing.

Existential OCD

user23456789

Date posted: 14w

Existential OCD

Hey guys so I’m new here and just recently started struggling with some health ocd and thinking I had a brain tumor but it’s taken a turn for the worse and become this existential ocd where I’m questioning quite literally everything in my life, the purpose of being here and stuff. I just started meds yesterday, which is scary for me cause I’ve never been on them before. I keep having thoughts like, why does everything feel like a blur, what’s the meaning of this and I wake up every day with just existential dread. I’ve been having very vivid dreams that make dreaming and reality confusing I also am scared cause I’m dealing with some DP/DR as well. I just wish my life could go back to a few months ago before I knew all of this was possible. I guess I’m just writing this too get it off my chest and see if any of you all have gone through something similar and made it out okay?

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Existential OCD making me feel so empty

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