Would someone with a fear of being gay ever be a willing participant in a gay relationship and feel reassured by having gay thoughts, fantasies, or urges? Am I just confusing genuine attraction with OCD?
Generally speaking, although it can affect any orientation (gay, straight, bi, ace or pan) HOCD or SO-OCD usually involves ego-dystonic thoughts about becoming something you don’t want to be. ie, a straight person may have fears of becoming gay, secretly being gay, or having intrusive thoughts about whom they’re attracted to. I haven’t heard anyone suffering with it say they’d like to be in a gay relationship or feel happy with the thoughts. I’m not speaking for everyone but typically it’s an unwanted thing.
Then it sounds like I have a fear of having a fear of being gay which is ironic but makes total sense to me. Rhetorically speaking, why would I be in a relationship with another man and have unwanted intrusive thoughts, fears, and urges around members of the same sex if I'm afraid of all of those?
I don't know how much Id enjoy it but speaking with another gentleman who can relate with everything I feel, at this point it seems like the only way forward...to have some sort of experience to say yes or no in the end
I've never been officially diagnosed with this subtype and I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or not; if they are then why do I like them and the validation that comes from them considering I questioned my sexuality without an irrational fear before learning what HOCD even was.
I’m in the same boat . I feel like I enjoy the thoughts , and I actually do feel aroused . It’s making me feel like my true self is gay . As if I have a gay dude or a girl voice in my head . I’ve actually considered experimenting with a man but I’m just so scared to do so . I’m scared I might like it . But then I also want to try it to confirm I won’t like it . But I just don’t see myself going through with that anytime soon . Also I hear that makes ocd worse .
It's opposite me, I want to confirm I do like it...
@Elliott Earle So you want to be homosexual ?
I have a boyfriend too so yeah I find men physically attractive and have accompanying thoughts, fantasies, feelings, etc. Unless everything I've learned about myself through questioning was all just HOCD ruining my life. I don't even avoid men. I'd be wonderful to knew that I'm not going crazy at least
@Elliott Earle Okay good for you ! So you don’t think it’s false attraction?
@Anonymous I would certainly hope it's not that
How did you know for sure you would enjoy being with a man ?
I've actually slept with my boyfriend and it turns out it feels good and I'm comfortable cuddling in bed with him and making out and such... We've known eachother for almost two years now so could I really be experiencing false attraction to him? I feel like I'm having to always defend what I feel about him
@Elliott Earle I feel you . Good for you . So you’ve never felt that way around women ? How do you feel around women ?
@Anonymous Well many women are beautiful to look at, but I don't find myself fixating on the idea of kissing them or having sex with them whenever I'm around them, plus I have slept with women before and I always felt icky afterwards. Furthermore I hardly ever catch myself staring at women with 'exciting' thoughts that feel good to me.
Women and I feel like two negative poles of a magnet pushing eachother away whenever I stand close. Men and I feel like positive and negative poles of a magnet pulling myself closer
@Elliott Earle I feel that way too which makes me wonder if I’m gay
@Anonymous Well maybe we both are, maybe this belief that there's something wrong with us keeps us in an endless cycle of questioning if it's OCD or our sexual orientation. It could be meta ocd obsessions where we obsess about obsessing over our orientation
Have you always fixated on the idea with men? I know for sure I haven’t . However when I see a beautiful woman I don’t really remember it I actually fixated on the intimacy part . But I know yet I did know I wanted to do so, but not really imaging it . But I have never thought of a man in that aspect
@Anonymous It *if Yet * that
I have occasionally fixated on men in the past but thought nothing of it, and also had some earlier experiences with a cartain man (lots of shame behind that story though) to the point where I concluded and I labeled myself as bi-curious with no problems. I mightve also fixated on the idea of being intimate with females but I think that I was only attracted to the idea and not the actual act of it if that makes sense. Nowadays the thought and act of being with a man just feels better and more in line with who I am. Or I'm just crazy.
@Elliott Earle Is there anyway I can contact you please?
Phone number so you can text?
@Elliott Earle 7736214674
Even after ocd has calmed down. Scared that when my ocd goes away, I’ll still have “attraction” and groinals to girls. I don’t want to be lesbian. It’s like I don’t want my ocd to go away now? Anxiety and intrusive thoughts have gone down but my false attraction still feels real? And now it feels like I’ve always had this. And my real attraction is still missing? Has this happened to anyone ?
It feels like my boyfriend is ‘another compulsion” because he makes me happy and that is what ocd does, but when he is gone, my mind can go everywhere. Mostly thinking im not attracted to men (im bi and for some reason i feel like i have to choose 1 gender, and that that would be women) even though i know that i dont have to choose and can just be happy with my bf. But then my mind can go “but are you happy” or “youre not aroused right now or aroused enough so your gay or you dont like bf” Thats really hard, because my one of my biggest fears is being with a man all my life (having a family etc) and then falling in love with a woman and throw it all away. I really really love my boyfriend, but it can feel like this is not my real identity and im doing the wrong thing. Like when im not thinking about it, if thats maybe my ocd and not the overthinking. Does anyone understand?
I just want to know the difference of someone who is gay vs someone who is just questioning bc of ocd. Like would you hear I’m gay im gay over and over and over again in your head but it didn’t feel right? But when I say this is a waste of my time im of course straight it feels like im lying but I know im not attracted to women at all I am certain of that. But picking a label is what i can’t settle on so this is my ocd or not
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