Would someone with a fear of being gay ever be a willing participant in a gay relationship and feel reassured by having gay thoughts, fantasies, or urges? Am I just confusing genuine attraction with OCD?
Generally speaking, although it can affect any orientation (gay, straight, bi, ace or pan) HOCD or SO-OCD usually involves ego-dystonic thoughts about becoming something you don’t want to be. ie, a straight person may have fears of becoming gay, secretly being gay, or having intrusive thoughts about whom they’re attracted to. I haven’t heard anyone suffering with it say they’d like to be in a gay relationship or feel happy with the thoughts. I’m not speaking for everyone but typically it’s an unwanted thing.
Then it sounds like I have a fear of having a fear of being gay which is ironic but makes total sense to me. Rhetorically speaking, why would I be in a relationship with another man and have unwanted intrusive thoughts, fears, and urges around members of the same sex if I'm afraid of all of those?
I don't know how much Id enjoy it but speaking with another gentleman who can relate with everything I feel, at this point it seems like the only way forward...to have some sort of experience to say yes or no in the end
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Well when I ruminate like you describe I know I would be happy with a man unlike a woman. I legit just want to know that my feelings for men are valid and not the result of a mental illness
I've never been officially diagnosed with this subtype and I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or not; if they are then why do I like them and the validation that comes from them considering I questioned my sexuality without an irrational fear before learning what HOCD even was.
I’m in the same boat . I feel like I enjoy the thoughts , and I actually do feel aroused . It’s making me feel like my true self is gay . As if I have a gay dude or a girl voice in my head . I’ve actually considered experimenting with a man but I’m just so scared to do so . I’m scared I might like it . But then I also want to try it to confirm I won’t like it . But I just don’t see myself going through with that anytime soon . Also I hear that makes ocd worse .
It's opposite me, I want to confirm I do like it...
@Elliott Earle So you want to be homosexual ?
I have a boyfriend too so yeah I find men physically attractive and have accompanying thoughts, fantasies, feelings, etc. Unless everything I've learned about myself through questioning was all just HOCD ruining my life. I don't even avoid men. I'd be wonderful to knew that I'm not going crazy at least
@Elliott Earle Okay good for you ! So you don’t think it’s false attraction?
@Anonymous I would certainly hope it's not that
How did you know for sure you would enjoy being with a man ?
I've actually slept with my boyfriend and it turns out it feels good and I'm comfortable cuddling in bed with him and making out and such... We've known eachother for almost two years now so could I really be experiencing false attraction to him? I feel like I'm having to always defend what I feel about him
@Elliott Earle I feel you . Good for you . So you’ve never felt that way around women ? How do you feel around women ?
@Anonymous Well many women are beautiful to look at, but I don't find myself fixating on the idea of kissing them or having sex with them whenever I'm around them, plus I have slept with women before and I always felt icky afterwards. Furthermore I hardly ever catch myself staring at women with 'exciting' thoughts that feel good to me.
Women and I feel like two negative poles of a magnet pushing eachother away whenever I stand close. Men and I feel like positive and negative poles of a magnet pulling myself closer
@Elliott Earle I feel that way too which makes me wonder if I’m gay
@Anonymous Well maybe we both are, maybe this belief that there's something wrong with us keeps us in an endless cycle of questioning if it's OCD or our sexual orientation. It could be meta ocd obsessions where we obsess about obsessing over our orientation
Have you always fixated on the idea with men? I know for sure I haven’t . However when I see a beautiful woman I don’t really remember it I actually fixated on the intimacy part . But I know yet I did know I wanted to do so, but not really imaging it . But I have never thought of a man in that aspect
@Anonymous It *if Yet * that
I have occasionally fixated on men in the past but thought nothing of it, and also had some earlier experiences with a cartain man (lots of shame behind that story though) to the point where I concluded and I labeled myself as bi-curious with no problems. I mightve also fixated on the idea of being intimate with females but I think that I was only attracted to the idea and not the actual act of it if that makes sense. Nowadays the thought and act of being with a man just feels better and more in line with who I am. Or I'm just crazy.
@Elliott Earle Is there anyway I can contact you please?
Phone number so you can text?
@Elliott Earle 7736214674
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
I keep getting these groinal responses when I think about kids or see one and it's really distressing, I only just learned that OCD can make you feel that and it's not actually attraction but it's so hard to remember that and I've seen people talking about accepting uncertainty but I'm so scared to think "maybe it's attraction maybe it's not" instead of "no it's not attraction that's disgusting" and idk what to do
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