Would someone with a fear of being gay ever be a willing participant in a gay relationship and feel reassured by having gay thoughts, fantasies, or urges? Am I just confusing genuine attraction with OCD?
Generally speaking, although it can affect any orientation (gay, straight, bi, ace or pan) HOCD or SO-OCD usually involves ego-dystonic thoughts about becoming something you don’t want to be. ie, a straight person may have fears of becoming gay, secretly being gay, or having intrusive thoughts about whom they’re attracted to. I haven’t heard anyone suffering with it say they’d like to be in a gay relationship or feel happy with the thoughts. I’m not speaking for everyone but typically it’s an unwanted thing.
Then it sounds like I have a fear of having a fear of being gay which is ironic but makes total sense to me. Rhetorically speaking, why would I be in a relationship with another man and have unwanted intrusive thoughts, fears, and urges around members of the same sex if I'm afraid of all of those?
I don't know how much Id enjoy it but speaking with another gentleman who can relate with everything I feel, at this point it seems like the only way forward...to have some sort of experience to say yes or no in the end
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Well when I ruminate like you describe I know I would be happy with a man unlike a woman. I legit just want to know that my feelings for men are valid and not the result of a mental illness
I've never been officially diagnosed with this subtype and I'm unsure if my thoughts are intrusive or not; if they are then why do I like them and the validation that comes from them considering I questioned my sexuality without an irrational fear before learning what HOCD even was.
I’m in the same boat . I feel like I enjoy the thoughts , and I actually do feel aroused . It’s making me feel like my true self is gay . As if I have a gay dude or a girl voice in my head . I’ve actually considered experimenting with a man but I’m just so scared to do so . I’m scared I might like it . But then I also want to try it to confirm I won’t like it . But I just don’t see myself going through with that anytime soon . Also I hear that makes ocd worse .
It's opposite me, I want to confirm I do like it...
@Elliott Earle So you want to be homosexual ?
I have a boyfriend too so yeah I find men physically attractive and have accompanying thoughts, fantasies, feelings, etc. Unless everything I've learned about myself through questioning was all just HOCD ruining my life. I don't even avoid men. I'd be wonderful to knew that I'm not going crazy at least
@Elliott Earle Okay good for you ! So you don’t think it’s false attraction?
@Anonymous I would certainly hope it's not that
How did you know for sure you would enjoy being with a man ?
I've actually slept with my boyfriend and it turns out it feels good and I'm comfortable cuddling in bed with him and making out and such... We've known eachother for almost two years now so could I really be experiencing false attraction to him? I feel like I'm having to always defend what I feel about him
@Elliott Earle I feel you . Good for you . So you’ve never felt that way around women ? How do you feel around women ?
@Anonymous Well many women are beautiful to look at, but I don't find myself fixating on the idea of kissing them or having sex with them whenever I'm around them, plus I have slept with women before and I always felt icky afterwards. Furthermore I hardly ever catch myself staring at women with 'exciting' thoughts that feel good to me.
Women and I feel like two negative poles of a magnet pushing eachother away whenever I stand close. Men and I feel like positive and negative poles of a magnet pulling myself closer
@Elliott Earle I feel that way too which makes me wonder if I’m gay
@Anonymous Well maybe we both are, maybe this belief that there's something wrong with us keeps us in an endless cycle of questioning if it's OCD or our sexual orientation. It could be meta ocd obsessions where we obsess about obsessing over our orientation
Have you always fixated on the idea with men? I know for sure I haven’t . However when I see a beautiful woman I don’t really remember it I actually fixated on the intimacy part . But I know yet I did know I wanted to do so, but not really imaging it . But I have never thought of a man in that aspect
@Anonymous It *if Yet * that
I have occasionally fixated on men in the past but thought nothing of it, and also had some earlier experiences with a cartain man (lots of shame behind that story though) to the point where I concluded and I labeled myself as bi-curious with no problems. I mightve also fixated on the idea of being intimate with females but I think that I was only attracted to the idea and not the actual act of it if that makes sense. Nowadays the thought and act of being with a man just feels better and more in line with who I am. Or I'm just crazy.
@Elliott Earle Is there anyway I can contact you please?
Phone number so you can text?
@Elliott Earle 7736214674
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
Can sexual orientation ocd make you act on your fears and make you have same sex experiences ever and then after the experience realize that’s not what you are or want?
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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