BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

Real event intrusive thoughts coming back TW 18+

So my thoughts are getting a little tied to my mind. An event that happened a year ago that involved me being in school still. As class was ending I zipped up my bag and everything was going about the usual way. I was in a tight space in a right corner so as everyone was making their way to the door. I was zipping up my bag and I knew someone was coming from behind me. They were planning to pass by while I was zipping up my bag. I got thoughts saying that I should tuck my arm so I don't make contact with them, but I tried to tell myself that even if we do have contact, it shouldn't matter and it won't be a bad thing. But then it got so much worse when it did happen: This person passed through and faced themselves to where they were facing the left so my elbow made contact with her behind... She noticed this and it got awkward. I wanted to say sorry but it was too awkward.. I left class and as soon as I got to the stairs, my heart sank, my thoughts kicked in, and I started worrying extremely about the thought that I just sexually assaulted or harassed this woman and it tore me apart. I hated this day because I was doing so good prior to this and I didn't want to go through something like this. A year later, this still bothers me greatly when I get triggers in regards to harassment or assault of any kind. I see it in workplaces at times and it makes me very unsettled. I feel like I should have just listened to my thoughts because if I don't bad things happen. And this bad thing did happen.. This is the one time a compulsion could have saved me potential trouble.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 1y ago

This is gonna sound weird to you maybe, but you did the right thing resisting compulsions. Even if it didn't go the way you expected, that's just it. You accepted uncertainty and even though something awkward happened, you survived it. Chances are she doesn't even remember this happened and it was an accident on your end, you didn't assault anyone. I say this to say try and reframe your memory. An awkward accident happened. It happens to everyone. Thats for from sexual assault; but you also resisted a compulsion and you should be proud of yourself for that. Refraining really helps with my OCD obsessions sometimes. I'd say try it everytime something like this happens.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

It is a little surprising to see you say that but I know why you said it. Resisting compulsions will be the way to get out of this horrible loop, but I still wish I just listened to the thoughts and tucked my arm. You and someone else said there's a chance she doesn't remember but I just hate thinking about that event and replaying it in my head. It bothers me greatly every single time. For a while I've refrained from thinking about the event but there's times like these where it comes back. I just can't stand the thoughts that say I wanted this and I got off on it when that's horribly disgusting and sick.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 1y ago

@BigGyro09 That's just OCD for you, unfortunately. It'll make you remember things in the form of intrusive thoughts and reframe them in the worst way possible. I know you feel guilty for it but your best bet is to accept it and move on. You don't have to accept that it was good or bad, just that it happened. Don't feed into OCD whenever it reminded you it happened. Have you ever seen Avengers endgame? You know that scene where captain America is fighting his past self, and when his past self says his catchphrase, future cap says, 'I know, I know.' 😂 it's a bit silly , but sometimes I do that to my OCD when I get intrusive thoughts of the past. You'd be surprised by how acting nonchalant can help.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

@Northern_Downpour I have accepted that it happened and I just try not to think about it. Sometimes it just comes back on days like this. Same for my addiction. So many bad things and regrettable things come from there but I just try not to think about it too much. I usually don't try to be like "yeah whatever" to my thoughts because they really do bother me. That's something I have to work on when it comes to ERP. What has acting nonchalant or perhaps sarcastic felt like in terms of helping you out? I'd like to know. Thanks for being here.

lily_07

Date posted: 1y ago

I’ve had similar experiences, you are not alone

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

I'm really sorry to hear that. ;( I hope you're doing better than before or whenever this happened. It really can be stressful.

lily_07

Date posted: 1y ago

@BigGyro09 Thankyou :) please remember that there Is so many people who have had very similar experiences and remember how you don’t think they have done anything and reflect that back on yourself, I’ve found this to be very difficult when I’m walking in crowds,it’s honestly terrifying so I avoid them and when I do get caught in a crowd I feel as if I could pass out

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

@LiIac If it were someone else I would be sympathetic and believe that it is their OCD and not them but for me I just can't. I guess that's how it works with OCD. I honestly don't like crowds myself because I'm worried of the contact I'll make with people and they move slowly.

lily_07

Date posted: 1y ago

@BigGyro09 I know that’s the same with me,like I can’t forgive myself or anything I hate it, and I hate it when people push in crowds it’s my worst fear and also because I’m 5 foot it’s so much worse because I get pushed into peoples behinds, it makes my anxiety though the roof 😭 to the point I feel black go over my eyes

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

@LiIac I'm really sorry to hear that. I'm much taller and it's still a problem. I suppose I can see where I'm going, but I just don't like to be in tight spaces. Not after what happened here with my post and with how things can go in those situations. I'm sorry you get so anxious with crowds. Is there anyway ERP would work with that? You shouldn't blame yourself for that all. It's not in your control. Most times you just get lost in crowds in very populated places.

lily_07

Date posted: 1y ago

@BigGyro09 I’m working with a therapist right now for over a year and I’m doing much better than before but it’s difficult to fully coming when you feel you don’t deserve to get better

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

@LiIac You do deserve to get better!! No matter what your OCD says about this, you do deserve to get better from this. I'm very happy that you're working with a therapist and it's great to hear that it's effective. I'm planning to get one of my own soon and I hope it goes well

lily_07

Date posted: 1y ago

@BigGyro09 Thankyou,I’d recommend getting a therapist that has lived with OCD becuase both of the therapist I went to didn’t have OCD and I found that they didn’t understand it that much :(

Mauro 2.0

Date posted: 1y ago

Hey man, I hope you find a therapist that understands obsessive compulsive disorder to work with you. Maybe you can sit with the discomfort of it for a little bit and cool down, I know it is not easy when your brain sends you feelings of guilt and maybe shame for a simple meaningless accident that involved another person at that moment. Try to forgive yourself for allowing that part of the brain to cause you so much anxiety for a whole year. You deserve to be treated better than that. You are a good human being with good intentions. Practice self compassion and move forward on your journey to recovery from OCD. Thank you for sharing

Agent K

Date posted: 24w ago

Real Event Ocd

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

rea7

Date posted: 23w ago

what if the thoughts don’t cause anxiety anymore?

I’ve had sexual thoughts that get so bad I used to cry daily. Today I tried to sit down and let the thoughts be there and I didn’t really feel anxiety? Does this mean I acted on the thoughts or I wanted the thoughts? There was a specific event like two days ago that I’ve been constantly having anxiety about because after the event I started getting sexual images and then I wondered if I actually did that. For the past two days life has been so bad. Today I woke up and I replayed the events step by step and I couldn’t find when I could’ve acted on the thoughts, so that gave me relief. Then I tried sitting with the thoughts, and the thoughts that once made me cry and feel so bad didn’t really feel like anything. Am I in denial? Just yesterday I was thinking the worst and that I couldn’t handle any of this anymore. I know replying events is a bad thing too but I needed to know for sure if I acted on my thoughts. My thoughts are so bad and the thing is if I did act on them I’d never be able to forgive myself. I notice in the moment I didn’t really feel anxiety like I did but I got so much anxiety the day after everything happened and then I wondered if I did something bad. Can someone please help?

andrea_sam730

Date posted: 10w ago

Intrusive thoughts during self pleasuring :/

I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/

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Real event intrusive thoughts coming back TW 18+

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