And I think I was always wrong about who I thought I was. I don't see how it's possible these feelings can only be OCD and not me resisting my real self. Heart stuff, real like arousal, false attraction but feels like a pull at times so I don't know how OCD can cause that, fear of not being able to perform or be hard enough for a woman.
Man for me it feels so real too. Like it feels at this point i’m in denial and that I’m doing everything I can to disprove what OCD tells me
@My OCD Academia Literally!!
@AyseTetik It's genuinely pretty close to an awakening that I'm rejecting at this point and I hate feeling that way.
@jdd Like at what point is this not just intuition
Right.. But I'm pretty much at a point of I have nothing tangible left to cling to that really truly shows I'm straight though so it's so much harder. When everyone else is like "I know I'm not really attracted but what if" and "I know I still get hard for women and nothing for men"
If it helps: Women have scared themselves into being infertile on thoughts alone. Ppl have made themselves sick by thoughts alone. Our bodies can do things our mind says. Even if it’s “don’t do this, don’t feel that, dont think that” you’re picturing what you don’t want to happen so that’s what you’re focused on. That is possible what’s going on which is why it feels so real and feels like it is you. If I was so worried about performing with a woman and other thoughts floating around in my head i know it would feel impossible and forced. I’ve had these feelings about other things when my mind was occupied with every worry and not focused on what I’m doing. I hope this gives some insight my friend. Also, I know I might have assumed so sorry if I assumed incorrectly.
Assumed what? You're fine
@jdd And it is helpful but I know it will not last
@jdd Why do you think it won’t last?
@JordTheNord Because it'll be used as some level of reassurance
@jdd The issue would be constantly looking for reassurance but you assuring yourself of the facts you already have all the knowledge of OCD tips is what you need to put into practice more and literally practice them more. Easier said than done of course! Right now you are already setting yourself up to fail with that mindset “it won’t last”. It will get more consistent the more you practice what you already know. I used to think that way too. So I understand even if you don’t want to listen or give yourself hope or any kind of strength right now. It sucks and scary. I’m just saying that you can do this and we all can we just have to apply what we already know. Healing isn’t linear so yea it might not last as long as we like it but doesn’t mean the overcoming of OCD is unobtainable. It’s a journey like any disorder, trial and tribulation of life, and any goal we set. Don’t despair. You got this. Just remember to practice what you know during these dark times. Heroes aren’t made in peaceful times. They’re made in the dark.
I get you. I fear that once i have sex with a man I’ll “realise” that i dont like it something. 😞. Keep going. You are not your thoughts. It will feel as real as it gets. Keep going x
I'm also the only person I know of who seems to have a hard time remembering day to day interaction and memory when it comes to women. And visualizing said interactions is very difficult too. And my libido for them is either very low or always forced when I have had sex. But that last time was 5 years ago at this point.
@jdd Correction** I wonder if it was forced
Inferential confusion is a meta-cognitive state of confusion that becomes pathological when an individual fails to interpret reality correctly and considers an obsessional belief or subjective reality as an actual probability. Confusing imagination with reality.
Honestly yes that is something I've been aware of since I think I've seen you and possibly others bring it up on here before. I've had some intrusive doubt that this imagination is the opposite though in that I'm imagining my straight life as a hope that doesn't really exist. It's a nightmare because that's the thing I want the most in the world and I would do anything to continue to live as such.
@jdd Hmm do you ever have a moment when ocd isnt present ? Like little spot of where you are you?
@Mr.ocd Hard to say really especially of late. I've had the theme for about 8 years but it wasn't always strong despite the groinals and false attraction happening, although I don't think they were always as I see them currently but my memory could be skewed on that too.
@jdd And even in moments where I think I have clarity recently it's possible that was just from testing too. But the thing is I still function for the most part as me and don't necessarily feel all that different except the sexual stuff.
@jdd Yeah tough, im close to 5 years since mine has really ramped up. But only have known I've had ocd for 3 years. I hate how it plays with memory. I get you tho there's moments where all the sexual stuff I'm still pretty vulnerable in, in terms of like it getting to me to ruminate and what not but i just embrace the other parts of me in those moments cooking video games etc like doing things i enjoy that make me feel like me. Slowly the other stuff false into place it takes a while but it happens for me... and yeah i know what you mean by the clarity after testing that temporary relief and things make sense but then the doubt hits. I'm in the process of trying to do the uncomfortable things like not fighting back with my ocd or trying to figure it out i 4/10 times i can do it but the rest i slip up. But I'm trying its tough for sure but I'll save myself one day.
@Mr.ocd Ahh so it has a name. Wild
The day to day thing is the same with me too with men. My libido feels non existent and trying to think of scenarios, whether they are sexual or not just doesnt do anything for me. We kinda force it on ourselves not cos we are not straight but cos we want it back. Ur not alone x
Guys this is going to sound annoying, but the moment I stopped posting and reading so many posts on this app. My symptoms started to improve. I realized that posting how I feel and posting that I relate to people is a form of confessing and reassurance seeking. It doesn’t help, I swear. Although, it is good to vent every once in a while, but don’t get into a habit of it!
Not annoying but I'm not sure if it really makes as much difference for me tbh.
For sure not annoying brother! You are right anything in excess can be bad.
@jdd It does bro, I promise. Cuz by posting you’re constantly looking for reassurance, and it makes you think even more about your thoughts. I’m in the same boat as you bro, I’m not gonna lie to you guys. I know how bad this shit gets, I want y’all to succeed🙏🏾
@Mr. Solo Dolo I said that because I have went periods of skipping and while it feels different to a point, I don't think the physical symptoms go away
@jdd Oh okay you might just have bad anxiety. At the start, my anxiety was really bad too.
@Mr. Solo Dolo This isn't really the start for me, however. It's been 8-9 years at least and my current spike as it were has been at least since the early spring time.
@jdd And it's never really went away per-se
@jdd I haven’t even finished it yet, but, this might help you. I got this book called “Overcoming Unwanted intrusive thoughts”. It’s super educational, and may help you out.
@Mr. Solo Dolo It has a blue cover
@Mr. Solo Dolo I have a different book that even has exercises but I haven't really gotten much into it yet. From Mark Freeman
Just tired af... Anyone else feels like everything is a lie all the time and there is no "before the OCD I was boy crazy" just the OCD since forever... or denial because of that aspect? Really struggeling with the physical aspect of SOOCD : looking at a women's body and really feeling something and getting turned on and looking at a man's and not feeling anything... I just dont understand! I asked my friends and many of them said they dont feel anything looking at a man's body as well (they're straight) but also looking at a women's doesnt feel like much. I just dont understand ughhhh
I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??
I’m struggling with something I’m afraid to even admit out loud. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with someone I love deeply. He’s kind, safe, and emotionally close to me — and we’ve built a life together. But I keep obsessing over the fact that I don’t feel much sexual attraction anymore. Or maybe… I never truly did? At the beginning, I felt butterflies, excitement, connection — and I assumed that meant I was also attracted to him physically. But now, after reading so much and reflecting more deeply, I’m starting to wonder if I ever truly felt sexual desire in the way I was “supposed to.” Maybe my feelings were more about emotional longing, comfort, and romantic closeness — but not sexual chemistry. And now I don’t know what that means. OCD makes it so much worse. It constantly tells me: – “If you really loved him, you’d want him.” – “You’re leading him on.” – “What if you’re lying to yourself?” – “If you try to fix this and fail, you’ll have to leave.” I feel stuck between wanting to fight for this relationship — and being terrified that trying will just prove it’s hopeless. Has anyone experienced something like this? Can OCD really make you question something so deeply personal? And how do you move forward when even trying feels terrifying? Any thoughts or support would mean the world right now.
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