Hey

@JordTheNord I dont understand and that rainbow scares me hahahahaha

@Anonymous I think it's in reference to the spongebob meme where he says 'imagination' and makes a rainbow with his hands. Try not to overthink it!

Very true! People with OCD usually have very good imagination :)

@Caesarsalad Really? I used to think I had limited imagination because of OCD and aphantasia but now I'm not sure I even have the latter.

@overthehill1 @Anonymous it is a reference to SpongeBob. Didn’t mean to frighten ya lol. If we attach to our thoughts hardcore (reason why we have OCD) it correlates strong emotions which makes everything feel real even if it’s just in our head. We imagine things very vividly which makes it feel like we are projecting our thoughts to reality. Hope that is a little more clear

@jdd The constant questioning of OCD is the imagining of multiple scenarios and imagining if it’s real or if we can trust ourselves. It’s all very vivid thoughts

@JordTheNord Any idea how to know if it's "not wanting" vs "not want to want"

@jdd The constant questioning and the constant dread of the questioning (ppl can change of course but very very rarely is it so quickly into the complete opposite direction that they’re not even sure about). Those are usually indicators that it is not the “us” we refer to of our actual wants/desires but the imaginary “us” our OCD pattern creates. Which is also kind of based off on belief. Are we going to believe these random (intrusive) thoughts that pop up or we going to take a stand and believe in ourselves? Also, for the argument of how do we again know which one to believe, if it could be either one go with the righteous thoughts of peace and being calm whatever that is in our minds.

@JordTheNord Frankly I don't think I can feel calm with either answer. But I'll work on it

@jdd Keep moving forward (which you are). Why do you think you can’t with either?

@JordTheNord Because doubt and the cycle always returns

@jdd Plus I just really do not want the same sex to be my future at all

@jdd Understood. Honestly if you don’t want the same sex you are doubting your identity. And then you doubt your doubts. So yes it is a cycle but it’s a cycle we all have allowed ourselves to form. Not on purpose of course. Just need to be trained better and practice things to break us out of the cycle. Also, if you already believe that you won’t feel calm about the future decision you’re setting yourself up for a terrible answer either way because that’s what you think. Let’s just take the easier route and say the answer will be heterosexual. Why would you be not calm if that is the answer? If you think you don’t know if that’s the truth even when you arrive on it that’s actually most likely the reason you’re in the predicament now. Also, if you come to the truth that you do like the same sex it seems the only answer you have is that you don’t want that. It’s not the same rule you applied to the outcome you want which was doubt and this is pure dislike. OCD only wants to doubt things that make us feel good. Unless you’d doubt that if you’re into the same sex once you choose that it’s not fair that the positive gets the doubt but the negative isn’t even resisted by doubt. OCD is the doubt. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself and set yourself up for failure or success.

@JordTheNord Oh I mean I am calm and happy with me being straight but the obsessive thoughts saying otherwise usually returns hence calm isn't permanent.

@jdd That’s why we are all working on keeping our inner peace and knowing the thoughts aren’t us. You got this. Also, you just admitted that you know what you want. Remember this when the thoughts come and let them pass.

@JordTheNord I know what i want but im scared what if im only faking it because of others

@Anonymous Understand. Been there, ruminated that. It’s the doubt again. Ppl that lie don’t feel bad for lying. Ppl that are morally worried if they’re doing something wrong don’t do the wrong. They question if they have already or will. The doubt is attacking your identity so you cannot truly enjoy who you are. This is all of us OCD sufferers. Even non OCD ppl who have these thoughts and maybe ruminate about it (not as much or as intense as we do/have) have doubt about themselves. Doubt is a human thing that connects all of us. We are on the spectrum of where it happens to us a lot. It’s ok for us to doubt, be scared/nervous about anything but the issue is when it doesn’t allow us to live because we do it so much. We must all face our fear and believe in ourselves.

@JordTheNord Could this mean hyper awareness too? Or did I get that all wrong

@Emmnala Nope! Same thing. Well… Hyper awareness OCD deals with bodily functions. Hyper vigilance is the “correct” term apparently. I knew what you meant by hyper awareness because that’s what I would say. However, I recently learned hyper awareness is the body hyper vigilance is what we are talking about. Sorry lol, anyways, yes it’s a symptom of a variety of mental health conditions. Usually affects ppl who are on edge, nervous, or worried about something in particular (all of us OCD peeps). It amplifies our surroundings because we are in a state of fight, flight, freeze response.

@Emmnala Oh and to make sure I was clear, the nope was to you getting it wrong because you absolutely did not! OCD and hyper awareness/hyper vigilance are very correlated.

@JordTheNord Haha no problem. Thanks !