Blasphemous thoughts

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. Scrupulosity is one of my scariest subtypes of OCD because it produces the strongest negative emotions. I’ve also had those intrusive thoughts around the unforgivable sin. What’s helped me is knowing that it’s not of God but rather of OCD and it’s helped me understand his Grace better. Hang in there. I’m rooting for you!

God is such a good and gracious god and he knows your heart and that you really don’t mean those things even when you don’t know for yourself. He loves you and he’s rooting for you

I'm sorry. Yes, I can relate to feeling like the thoughts are yours. When I first realized I had OCD it was because of a really blasphemous thought. It happened during prayer, and I couldn't pray right for probably about a year after the incident. Prayer was a grueling experience... But, after a bunch of ERP, I can pray like nothing ever happened! (I'm a little upset because for the last few years I've been doing ERP for something completely different and I am still really struggling, but IDK... that's unrelated.)

Thinking those things and saying them are different things. You can't stop the thoughts from coming, but you can choose which ones to feed (by speaking them as if you meant them.) It seems you hqve "thought action fusion". This is not the unpardonable sin. Don't worry and read the passage in the gospel that deals with this again, so you can be more clear. It's not about thouts, but about what was said and Jesus explains it clearly.

But also, those people did not believe in Christ. We are in christ, therefore, all our sins are forgiven.

Try out this book Ian Osborn MD Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?: A Psychiatrist Explores the Role of Faith in Treatment - its have a stories of christian heroes of past, who struggeled with OCD... It helped me a lot, to see I am not alone and that it is not a Gods punishment... Wish you lot of blessings.

You’re definitely not alone- I will give you a trigger warning about some of his stuff because I watched/listened in to his podcasts for looking for reassurance BUT (a good “but”) Mark DeJesus has a lot of great stuff about battling ocd as a Christian. He started his journey with ocd wanting to accept Jesus into His heart and feeling like he accidentally accepted evil… he has been through his own version of hell too and he came out so much stronger on the other side!

I also struggle with that and I’ve let myself compulsively say different awful things about God (see I don’t even want to type but whatever) in broken sentences and I’ve had thought action fusion about it too- it can get better. Keep pushing. I’m really struggling with ERP but keep reaching out for help and consider this guy’s resources when you’re in a better mental place:)