Hey y'all I'm new here.... so....

Hey everyone, I have seen therapists and been on medication. Neither helped me. Sadly. So I have a weird OCD. I have the typical contamination and health OCD. However, I have a huge fear of hemeroids. It's so odd and I haven't been able to find any information about it. Some say it's a eating disorder because it controls what I eat, how much I eat. I use do have a fear of bad food, you know you eat the wrong food and your Ill the next day. So there were many times I wouldn't eat. Or I'd eat my "safe" food which used to be bread. But now my fear of hemeroids, I can't eat pizza, without putting veggies on it and sour cream. I don't really go a day without eating some type of veggie or fruit. It started when I stopped taking Imodium. Which is odd because it used to constipate me like none other. I was really constipated which never worried me. But after quitting it... I worried and I had rituals. Bath every night. Stuff like that. I used to have wipes id use. Anyways fast forward I got over it a bit and it wasn't a worry. I used to work out 5 days a week. Drink protein shakes. Etc. Then did beauty school. It wasn't a big worry. Then I met my husband and we had our first child. Sadly we lost him at 16 weeks and after that I completely changed. I got obsessed again. But then got pregnant with my second child and I didn't have worries, had her and learned that I had a grape sized hem or skin tag. Once I was able to feel again it was there and wouldn't go away. Granted I was cut with no numbing and lost half my blood. It was rather traumatic. Then had my second child. Almost died while pregnant with her. Blew out discs. Broke ribs. It was bad. After them... I've been pretty bad. I can't even do anything with my husband in fear of hemeroids. I used to take photos of down there. I don't anymore. Now I just check. Which makes it worse because if I have no swelling I'll have swelling after checking so often. :( I haven't read anything about this type of OCD but it consumes my life. It consumes what I eat. How my day goes. If it's good or bad. It makes me stressed about any photo jobs I have, or any jobs I do. I used to barrel race and I loved life. Now I'm stressed and feel worthless because if I feel something there.... I worry. I worry it'll be a hem and be strangled and get bad. I'm worried it'll get a cut on it. I'm worried I'll sit wrong and irritate it. I'm worried I'll get constipated and have issues. My husband gets them with his IBS and he's just like whatever. But me, it ruins my life! I want to get over it. I want to be normal again. I just dunno how to. Because it's a physical sensation that even if it's not there it is. I don't know what to do anymore.

Shrlztmpl

Date posted: 1y

Im so sorry that you are going through this. I know exactly how you feel with having something happen that feels like it literally ruins your life. I am the same way but with cold sores it so hard to cope and I’m constantly trying to avoid any triggers. I’m so afraid of it happening because I just can not deal with that. Does anything help you? At the moment I am trying to just fight my head and live. I tell myself that no matter how careful I am what will happen will happen sometimes I’m okay but most of the time I do freak out and it’s so hard :(

Rebelraven87

Date posted: 1y

I totally understand. My pops gets cold sores. :( He says it's a whole body feeling something you can't ignore. Kinda like the hemeroids feeling :( I havent figured out anything. I wish I did. Some days I'm good. Some times I can go a few weeks with no issues. But then I get bad. It's always around my monthly so no matter how good my month is the minute I'm close to starting I'm obsessive and freaking out :( the sensations is the worst part.

Shrlztmpl

Date posted: 1y

@Rebelraven87 Yes it literally sucks I went years without one and when it happened I felt like my whole life was ruined I couldn’t live. And I did so much to avoid it but no matter what I did it happened again. After that I kinda just told myself that I can’t continue to live in fear and avoid doing certain thing in fear that it will happen because even when I tried my best to stay safe it happened. So no matter what I try to tell myself what will happen, happen. It has helped but I do get some days where I freak out and constantly looking at peoples lips in fear I’ll come across someone with one. I start to freak out if I feel any type of feeling near my lip and sometimes I’ll constantly look at them. So I totally get the sensation part. It’s so hard to live like that :(

Rebelraven87

Date posted: 1y

@Shrlztmpl Have you gotten them before? Or are you worried you'll get it?

Shrlztmpl

Date posted: 1y

@Rebelraven87 I have gotten them I think that’s what it was. I thought it was a sun burn on my lip because it was a couple years ago during summer but the dr said it was that. All I remember is the sensation and now I’m so afraid to feel that or get one again. I felt like my whole world was falling apart so for a while I would avoid going to certain places in fear people would have one and I would touch something they did and would get one. I would always stare at peoples lips It sucked and I still have that fear. I try to not think about it but some days it’s hard

Rebelraven87

Date posted: 1y

@Shrlztmpl I'm sorry Hun. I know the feeling. I wish I could help you. But my obsession is the same. I can't stop thinking of it. I'm slowly getting better but still bad

Shrlztmpl

Date posted: 1y

@Rebelraven87 I totally get it. I wish I could help you too. Just know you’re not alone. It’s hard and it’s hard because a lot of times people don’t understand. I hope you find something that’s works for you and I hope you don’t have to deal with hemorrhoids again :(

Rebelraven87

Date posted: 1y

@Shrlztmpl I eat a lot of veggies. But even when I do that it messes me up. :( So I dunno. I've tried meds but that made me so much worse. :(

Shrlztmpl

Date posted: 1y

@Rebelraven87 Im so sorry. Sometimes it helps when I think about the fact we only have one life and how anything can happen at any given moment so I might as well enjoy and do what I want instead of being afraid but it only helps so much there’s good and bad days :(

Rebelraven87

Date posted: 1y

@Shrlztmpl Not a bad way of looking at it.

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 17w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

Niamh182

Date posted: 16w

Bowel / colon cancer fear

Hi all, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here but i have thankfully been getting better with my Health OCD and haven’t felt the need to come on here, however I’ve fallen back into the trap and can’t even function without panicking and worrying at the minute! I was very stressed a few weeks ago over life scenarios when I started seeing a lot of signs and symptoms of colon cancer in young people on social media, I didn’t think too much of it. However of course a few days later I start having the symptoms! Sore stomachs, constipation etc. I have been so worried, I went to my doctor and got constipation medication for a week which I took but since stopping I have the same symptoms and more and I am worried so much everyday I’ve been hyper aware of my bowel movements! I have even been trying to force myself to go when I feel like I don’t really need to which in turn has caused haemorrhoids and some blood, which has made me even more anxious!! (Note: my partner actually thinks I’m going to the bathroom a normal amount and am not even really constipated anymore but I’m convinced I am) I feel like I’m going crazy and no one seems to think my worries are rational - can OCD/ anxiety impact your bowel movements and stomach? I’ve never really had this and I’m petrified of it, I hope someone else has had this scenario before and has came out the other side (edited)

L0ng16aelak

Date posted: 11w

Unsure if I even have OCD

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.

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