Mistake

But it feels so real! The anxiety is gone and I feel like I'm going to act on it or that I wanna or that I've been lying to myself about it! I miss my anxiety ☹️

@Anonymous Understand! Back door spiking is very common in OCD. It’s when we feel confrtbwke with our thoughts to where OCD says I want it because I’m so comfortable . Plus ask yourself if you really want it just do it. But you won’t because you really don’t want to do it. You’re not arguing “I really want this but I can’t” you’re arguing “I might want this but idk because I don’t really want this but what if I do?”. Very different things

@JordTheNord Is it okay if I tell you my thoughts or my current theme? ☹️

@Anonymous Of course

@JordTheNord It's a taboo topic regarding what if I was attracted to someone in my family and it disgusts me so much ☹️

@Anonymous Just so you know you’re not alone. I’ve heard other ppl on here with the same Issue.

@Anonymous Also, it’s ok to find someone objectively attractive just so we are clear

@JordTheNord I'm aware of that and it's honestly such a reassuring thing to know that I'm not like insane or something, but the anxiety was a sense of reassurance for me that my thoughts weren't true especially when I was suffering from false attraction

@JordTheNord I guess that's true, but when you're aro/ace, it kinda goes against your morals and values. It started off as a what if thought and it spiraled from there

@Anonymous Hmm all those signs point to it’s just OCD latching on to a family member. Which still is super distressing and painful. You even said it it was just what if (we are curious creature) and then went downhill. Classic OCD. There’s nothing with with objective attraction and admiration and even being super close. It’s most likely you’re hyper fixating on the family members, your thoughts and feelings around them which amplifies everything. Have you talked to a therapist about this?

@JordTheNord I'd like to clear something too that I've only had these thoughts for about five days and this was about the biggest exposure I did this week because of these thoughts, but this was actually a previous theme as well around 2 years back for me so I don't know why it's so hard now to face it when I faced it before 😵‍💫

@JordTheNord Unfortunately my OCD therapist won't be seeing me until the 28th 😓

@Anonymous I feel ya on that! It is weird how our minds work! But man are you making progress! You conquered it before. You did your own ERP. Progress is progress. Now you have to sit waiting for your therapist (trust me you’ll make it). So if you feel like you need reassurance or to do a compulsion during this time while you wait, space it out. If you feel you need to post to help relieve wait a few hours or post the next day. Do your best not to give in to the compulsions at least not right away. This will help train your mind to not be so on edge and maybe later when you reached the time you allowed to do the compulsion the feeling might have passed.

@JordTheNord Thank you so much 👍

@Anonymous My pleasure. Glad I could help and happy to hear of your progress! Shit ain’t no joke lol

@JordTheNord How long did it take you to recover if you don't mind me asking?

@Anonymous Majority of my life. However that’s because I wasn’t diagnosed with OCD til the very end of my recovery and all the things they say to help OCD and be aware and do ERP I figured out on my own without therapy. I was doing things and had no idea they had names. I just came up with them myself and of course from reading philosophy, ppl supporting me throughout life, learning about psychology and sociology. I put in a lot of time of undertakings the world and myself. I owe a lot to one of my best friends. He truly gave me the understanding and patience I was looking for. So when I went to therapy to even see if I had OCD (I had talked to so many ppl throughout my life and nobody shared what ppl do on here and nobody ever even mentioned I might have it) and all techniques OCD uses I was doing on my own. So I recovered the hard way unfortunately. That’s why it took so long on top of dealing with traumatic life events. Because let’s face it no matter what disorder anyone has they don’t help lol

@JordTheNord I see, unfortunately I am undiagnosed at the moment which only makes this harder for me, but I don't think any person would be having these sorta of intrusive thoughts, feelings, etc everyday on a sick loop

@Anonymous For sure! There’s a very very high chance you have OCD. And I didn’t want my story to discourage you. This app is great, the community and therapy and ERP. All great things I wish I had instead of learning and finding it out on my own with no direction. Nobody else understood me. So it took a lot longer. Of course I had periods of peace but it always came back. I’m just saying since you have all these tools at your disposal I’m sure your recovery will be waaayyy faster than mine was lol. I know you’ll feel a lot better talking to a therapist when it happens too.

@JordTheNord Thank you, thank you! I feel like crying so much right now, I hate how my brain makes me feel like I'm in denial or that these thoughts are what I want and I dispise it so much

@Anonymous Been there my friend. It’s exhausting. There is an end to the darkness. Promise. Just takes time. Plus we do have to put in the effort and apply the knowledge and awareness we have. Easier said than done of course.

@JordTheNord You're a great friend, thank you

@Anonymous That means a lot. Thank you so much 🙏🏻