MY OCD

I remember one day waking up from what I thought was my worst nightmare or bad dream I remember feeling scared and anxious and so sad I didn’t have a clue why and just out of the blue I had intrusive horrible thoughts of harming my daughter who’s just 1 years old it scared the life out of me as I’m writing this today I still can’t believe I’m here I feel like I’m a failure to my daughter I’m a single mother and it’s hard doing it all along I’m not asking for pity but support my mental health is not good right now I’m scared I’m really scared sometimes my intrusive thoughts will turn into intrusive bad urges like I need to act now and just get it over with and just hurt my daughter it tries to confuse me into believing I wanna actually hurt the person I love the most but I know deep down I don’t want too that’s why it’s called the “doubting disorder right it makes you doubt everything you value and love even about yourself I know I love ky daughter I’m sick and tired of OCD trying to target her like she’s my worst enemy it really sucks feeling this way I wish I had thoughts about just harming myself but I know I can’t think like that I’ll just make things worse I know I need learn and sit with this discomfort and go thru it I wish there was a magic potion or cure to make it all go away but right now I feel weak like I can’t just sit with the discomfort like I wanna give up and go to a hospital forever but I know I wouldn’t belong there because I done nothing wrong and boom My OCD will say you done nothing wrong just yet every time I try a positive outcome positive words it’s like I’m forcing myself to turn it into something negative again or ocd is trying ti make everything in my life that’s suppose to be positive, negative ocd got me on a tight hook I’m so confused on what ny thoughts might mean I’m terrified that this is all me I just hope sharing my experience with you all dosent land me in the hands of someone who’s gonna criticize me I don’t know who else can relate to this but I hope you know as well if you do your not alone

POCD

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

I can tell you’re a very caring mother and a sweet person. I’m very sorry to hear of your struggles. You can do this though. I promise. I have not been in your situation but I can feel the despair and exhaustion through your message. I also can feel the love you have for your daughter. You are already making progress acknowledging all that is OCD and what to do and what not to do. It is just hard sometimes constantly processing emotions and sitting with discomfort especially if we are so tired from it and just tired of just life for the moment. As fellow OCDemon Slayers we all have just thoughts that are weird or just go against our morals or anyone’s really and it can be frightening at times. Just remember they are thoughts but not your own. Think of it as a river in your mind and all the thoughts (crazy, good, bad, weird, joyous, irrelevant, irrational) are just flowing down. We use a ladle and scoop what we want out from the river and that is us. The other thoughts just keep flowing. And that’s ok they’re there. Doesn’t mean we scooped them out. And if we have to think about it and worried about it that’s definitely not us. You’re just noticing the thoughts in the river. You didn’t scoop em out.

Lovely2000

Date posted: 1y

@JordTheNord Thank you honestly you have no idea how much I needed to hear this it’s really hard dealing with this and everyone around me expects me to act as if I don’t have a mental illness I’m tired of trying to be different to pleasure everyone else

JordTheNord

Date posted: 1y

@Lovely2000 My pleasure! There is a line that we must draw. The fact that we have priories and responsibilities to do and self care and being human. The individual has to be the one to draw the line not outside looking in. Ex: someone is in a toxic relationship and they vent, you give advice say objectively that the relationship isn’t healthy at all, however the person continues to be with them for logical reasons even if it is hurting them. One big reason is they have hope or want to continue working to improve the relationship. That is the line drawn. You want to tolerate and put up with it ok I hear ya. Ppl have gotten through it before BUT I don’t want to hear constant consoling of your partner in a relationship we both agreed isn’t healthy for neither one of you so if you’re going to be in it, be in it and own it. Plus constant talking shit about a partner (toxic or not) is disrespectful. Why be with someone even if they are shitty if you’re just going to bad mouth them? Sorry got off topic lol but my point is it’s the individual who has to draw the line and say enough is enough, I need self care, I need to be responsible in this moment, I need to be soft, and I need to be firm. Outside looking in can have all opinions they want but WE are in charge of our life and need to own our choices and or seek help to deal with our choices and to heal from them. It is disrespectful when ppl force their ideas and beliefs on others even if they’re right. It’s not going to help the individual at all. Most likely will push them in the opposite direction. If digging into ppl worked everyone would be perfect. Clearly it doesn’t.

BiancaIsGrowing

Date posted: 18w

I know your post is old, but I'm going through this right now and it's so damn scary! OCD tells me to look up ways to get rid of my kids and it scares me and makes me think I don't need to be around them because how can I say Iove them but have thoughts of hurting them. I'm disgusted with myself. I want out of this disease so bad.

Lovely2000

Date posted: 1y

Sorry for my spelling

your strong

Date posted: 22w

Can you relate?

Hi this my first time ever hearing about this app n i downloaded it because lately my ocd been really bad and I feel I can’t have control over it it scares me because I sometimes hurt people around me when I don’t mean to for example my bf everytime something goes well my head just starts spinning in circles with bad thoughts n wanting to ruin stuff with him lowkey I messed up big times bc I let this time my thoughts win me over n took everything off on him without thinking n realizing how bad I had affected him it kills me because everytime I think im jus a weak person bc I always let everything get to me I’m jus so scared because now my head jus tells me your not good enough your gonna lose him this literally jus happens when something positive comes in my head or something good happens always jus wanna ruin it I hate it because I always believe my thoughts instead of him not because I don’t want to but because also of my past n trauma jus fucks it even more from the deep of my heart i believe him but my head reacts differently n lets it out n now am in the situation of knowing I can lose him any minute now even tho am putting my faith in god n trying my hardest to think positive n be better everyday I’m really trying but w ocd it’s so hard n jus get scared n let my thoughts get to me😞 idk what to do anymore

Aprilshowers...

Date posted: 17w

My OCD

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

Anony1314

Date posted: 13w

Someone help me please

Please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

MY OCD

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community