I can’t stop confessing past mistakes to my mother. This has been an on and off problem for years. I’m currently not on medication because I just moved back to the US and have no insurance, so I’m stressed with full flared up ocd. Once I confess one thing and get relief, I think of other things to confess even if it will upset my mother. She was a controlling perfectionist mother so even as an adult I feel like I wasn’t able to have my own individuality and I never got to trust myself making my own decisions and opinions, because my mom would brainwash me that she knows best and she used to flip out a lot when I grew up if things didn’t go perfectly. Now she is more calm and is somewhat self aware of what she does so some things I tell her don’t surprise her anymore, but I always think of something new and saying “what if this time she will react differently and I don’t get the reassurance I need”. So I lose sleep over it and cant even function the next day. The past few years I confessed here and there but after my traumatic breakup recently my ocd is in full swing and I can’t stop.

I relate so much to this. I did this a lot as a kid and now as an adult it feels very unhealthy. I'm not doing it to my parents anymore, but to my friends. Sometimes I stop myself from apologizing for minor things that 'normal' people wouldnt even think about, but in the end I usually apologize anyway because of the anxiety that comes from resisting it.

Thanks for your responses! Yes on top of my mother I just got out of a narcissistic abusive relationship. I was lovebombed then devalued and gaslighted. He drove me to insanity and I lashed out drunk in front of his friends. I lost my job so I was living and dependent on him. He made my life hell comparing me to his ex and hating everything I did. He also got jealous of my past and asked me specific questions. Then he would tell me that if I didn’t tell him and he ever found out he would leave me. It really made my ocd worse and I worked hard before I met him to overcome such things. My mom loves my ex and they acted the same. I’ve really gone back to square one.

I was confessing to friends and my boyfriend, but now that I went through a breakup and I’m lonely I’m turning to my mom again. It’s almost like I feel guilty because she raised me to be a perfect moral daughter, and I went through such a rebellious stage in college. My mom used to yell and react as if things were the end of the world when I was growing up so now I’ve adopted such thinking. I just wish I had peace of mind. I feel like I’m watching too much television because of all the shows I see blackmailing and scandals emerging. You are right. It’s not healthy at all.