Can I talk to someone?

Hello! I'm having a rough time with my OCD, but how are you?

@Anonymous I’m coping :)Thankyou, what’s up? What do you want to talk about

@LiIac I'm glad go hear that! And around five days ago when I was recovering from another theme of mine, I had began to notice the early setbacks of an old theme beginning to reer their heads and soon enough I got the intrusive thought of what if you liked your brother? And it sent me back into a severe spiral, I hate myself for having these thoughts, and my mind has been making it feel as real as possible to the point I can't even attend school or I want to avoid being around them out of fear that I'll act on my thoughts. I even get intrusive urges, it's been hell ☹️

@Anonymous I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this you don’t deserve this at all I have had extremely similar experiences, are you working with a Therapist? Or do you have one right now?

@LiIac I have a therapist with NOCD, but she's unfortunately on holiday until the 25th and then our appointment is on the 28th ☹️ It's gotten so bad that it's beginning to invade my dreams

@Anonymous Oh no when it invades your dreams it’s the worst 😭I go to sleep to escape it but even then there’s no escape :( you have to try your best not to engage with your OCD. Why don’t you name it?call it Bob and whenever it’s nagging at you say “ok Bob whatever, maybe maybe not” and do something to distract yourself, what’s your fav thing to do?

@LiIac I used to call it Tim, but I feel like it only gave it more strength, so I'll be using Bob from now on 😅👍 I used to love to walk my dog, draw, and play video games with my online friends but ever since then. I've stopped doing all of them due to my previous theme and now this 😓

@Anonymous It’s so important to carry on with those things I know it’s so hard because I’ve stopped doing some things but at first when you do those things you might feel down but when I do it I find that afterwards I do feel better and it helps,what games do you play?

@LiIac All kinds, but I specifically played role-playing games if thats embarrassing enough 😅 But it's a lot of fun or was before all this happened

@Anonymous Aw no that’s not embarrassing I used to roleplay on roblox and things like that 😭

@LiIac Yooo, me too! It's still a lot of fun, but I guess what makes this more difficult is that I get these intrusive urges? Like of me wanting to ACT on these thoughts even though I really don't want to ☹️

@Anonymous I know I have them too and it can be very scary but as soon as you begin to feel like that Acknowledge that the urge is a result of your OCD. Understanding that it's a symptom can help you, and you can go and distract yourself with an activity, it could be anything, for example if your out in public and you get these feeling you could go sit down somewhere, take some deep breaths and what I do is play subway surfers I know that’s very specific 😭but it could be any game or you could put some music on if you have headphones, I don’t know if this will help you but I’d try it because I know it helps me :)

@LiIac I guess what makes this difficult is that I'm both undiagnosed, even though my mother has OCD as well, and I've been told by my last therapist that I have a high chance of having OCD, but she couldn't diagnosis me as she was a counselor. Then the second problem is that I feel like I WANT the thoughts whenever I'm not anxious or fighting against them, I don't wanna do them ☹️

@LiIac And that's not specific at all, it's what you do to calm down! 😉

@Anonymous I know I have that to, it feels like I want the thoughts and this is extremely common within OCD, I promise you I’ve seen hundreds of post with the same thing,OCD will mimic anything, don’t underestimate how real it can feel if it didn’t feel extremely real then OCD wouldn’t exist,it will feel as real as it can get

@LiIac I guess what makes it so hard is that there's some brief moments where I can see that it IS OCD, but then I'm pulled back into the cyclea of ruminating, reassurance seeking, ect. It's so hard especially when you're undiagnosed

@Anonymous I know I’m undiagnosed aswell and I’m always terrified that I don’t actually have OCD, logic won’t work with OCD if you tell yourself it’s just OCD it won’t work because OCD doesn’t care about logic, if we could just tell ourselves that and we would be fine then OCD wouldn’t be much of a disorder, it’s the doubting disorder!it will cling to anything that’s important to you and will attach itself to your morals and values and the more you feed it the more the cycle continues that’s why cutting out compulsions and ruminating is so so important I know it’s so difficult :(but it’s the only way, I’d also recommend following ocdrecoverycom on Instagram, they have helped me so so much their posts are amazing

@LiIac If you don't mind me asking, what was your experience like?

@Anonymous Do you mean with my OCD?

@LiIac You mentioned earlier about how you experienced a theme similar to this? I was wondering if you'd be willing to share with me

@Anonymous Ohhh, like having intrusive thoughts around people?

@LiIac Yes! Or something similar to my theme?

@Anonymous Oh yes, being around close family I will get intrusive thoughts about being around family and I was terrified that I was attracted to my sister and my dad and it sent me into a spiral and I avoided them at all costs

@LiIac Wow! How'd you manage if you don't mind me asking?

@Anonymous I distracted myself a lot and I still get it a tiny bit now but it switched to a new theme but I did exposures to help it go away and I tried to cut out compulsions and when I stopped ruminating the anxiety was gone around it and it kind of faded away

@LiIac Wow! That's amazing! How long did it take?

@Anonymous I’m not exactly sure but probably around 1-2 months ?

@LiIac Awh jeez, that sounds awful! I can't imagine how painful that was and here I am laid in bed and unable to get out of bed because of my thoughts 😓 I wish I had your strength

@Anonymous You can do it :) you will get there a promise, maybe you could try get out your bed, even if it’s just sitting up, you could go and make yourself a cup of tea and draw a picture,why don’t you draw a picture of a pretty garden?and put some music on? And might a candle

@LiIac I think I can try that!

@Anonymous Update me :)

@LiIac Hey! Would you be willing to talk on Tiktok?

@Anonymous Ofc :) my tiktok is e.rosxe

Struggling, but trying to yknow just survive through the day

@Anonymous igy :( any coping techniques or things to distract yourself that you’ve tried today?

@clove444 Not much, I've mostly only been able to lay in bed and watch an anime to distract me. That's as much as it can get

@Anonymous what anime are you watching?

@clove444 One Piece! I just started 😁

@Anonymous oooooo i’ve heard a lot about it but i’ve never seen it. is it any good?

@clove444 It's definitely really good! I was always put off by the large amount of episodes though, over a 1000, it's shocking, but so far, 100 episodes in, it's really good!

@Anonymous what’s it about? maybe i’ll give it a go

@clove444 It's about this boy called Luffy who wants to be the next Pirate King and in his pursuit of it, he gathers others to join his crew as they go on their adventure to become the Pirate King. That's about the most simplified version of it I can tell as it's a lot of information 😅

@Anonymous yeah i can imagine it’s probs a lot to explain with it being that long😭😭 that sounds cool though i might give it a chance! i’ll have to finish AOT first though cos i haven’t finished it yet lol

@clove444 Oo yeah, AOT is a lot of fun!

@Anonymous it’s sooooo scary to me but i love it sm