Help

I’ve been crying since last night because im afraid to talk to a therapist, im not diagnosed and I’m scared I’m lying to myself, sometimes when I notice I’m not anxious and my brain isn’t throwing the thoughts at me, I’ll start getting anxious abt the fact I’m not anxious and that im in denial, im so scared and im scared to voice my thoughts. Last night I was with my friends out @ a restaurant and I couldn’t even focus I kept shaking and shaking and I got so anxious I started puking I nearly cried and I’m scared to go to school or work now, because my brain feels like it’s screaming at me sometimes I’ll see images of me harming myself because I’m scared I’m running away from the truth, I WAS LITERALLY FINE 3-4 weeks ago, but now I’m throwing up I’m not sleeping and I’m constantly checking my thoughts or my body for any feelings and I’m scared to let things just BE because I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m in denial and I don’t want to be I’m scared i have this fear that if I don’t get over this I’m going to reincarnate into the next life with this same issue and I’m feeling like I’m mentally tortured i constantly have chills or goosebumps and I just want to cry my eyes out. I lost so much weight, I miss when I used to eat food but now I go the entire day without eating AT ALL and I’ll only drink water to feel full, I miss who I was before I suffered so much, I constantly have a headache, im scared this will haunt me forever or it’s going to come back years later and I’ll have to face things and I don’t want to, I want to live in the present not the future i hate this sonmuch i was in class and i started plucking at my hair and pulling it because I was so anxious, I don’t want to say it’s OCD bc im afraid it’s not, fuck this is so hard im so scared to seek help, I tried to do ERP and I feel immediate relief or I feel more at peace because I feel like I can breathe and the fact that I felt better worries me because what if that means I don’t have OCD and im just lying to myself? I’m stressing my poor mom out she had to go to the hospital and I STILL couldn’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking about this problem and I hate that so much, I want to fucking cry and I’m scared that I only wanna cry because I’m running away, not because i actually feel stressed. Sometimes I will claw at my arms or my body because im so anxious, just the fact that I’m in class right now and the thoughts aren’t triggering me like before is triggering me because idk if I got used to them and I’m letting them pass or bc im running away from the truth. I feel like taking medicine is wrong too because I feel like I’m running away, im on antidepressants at 5mg and I feel like it’s not worth it to be on medicine because before this, I was fine-ish, I was miserable about something else but I wasn’t as bad as I am now

Young adults with OCD

Stephen Breig

Date posted: 1y

First things first, take a deep breathe. In and out. Your mind is running at a million miles an hour right now and you just need to hit the breaks. I can guarantee you that this ocd and anxiety is in fact very real and is affecting you, you are not lying. If you haven’t read Psalm 23, I really recommend it. Just try to sit and meditate and each line and what it means to you specifically.

nae nae

Date posted: 24w

Afraid I won't recover

I'm going through a rough time. I used to think medication would brighten my world, but if anything, it's muted it. The physical anxiety is less, and I felt okay(ish) for a while, but things are getting bad again. I'm so afraid I'll never get to a point where I feel safe in my body and in my mind. Today is the first day I've cried in... I don't know how long. But I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. Initially, I did, but it morphed into dread, and now I'm sitting by myself, trying not to panic. I really want to begin seeing a therapist for OCD, but I don't know how much my insurance covers. There's just so much on my mind right now. A whole bunch of old themes are resurfacing. I wish I could've been given a different path in life. I'm trying to stay strong. It's just really difficult. I feel like I'm being sent back to square one :(

Adi7

Date posted: 17w

Advice please ❤️

Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️‍🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️‍🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 17w

Anxious

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

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