POCD & Real Event OCD

Well, OCD strikes again. When I got diagnosed with OCD I was like “man this blows but at least I don’t have pocd” Guess it was only a matter of time. Here is my story. When I was about 19 I found this person online who I thought was cute. I really liked their aesthetic and just thought they were attractive. I think we had some mutuals online but I think I reached out first I don’t remember its been awhile. When I found out their age which was anywhere from 14-16 (I don’t remember much especially with trying so hard to figure it out ocd can twist your memories). Something that eats me alive is if I said they were cute after I found out their age. I don’t think I said any sexual thats not really in my nature but just that one question above has me in shambles. Anytime i’m around teen boys I get so much anxiety and really uncomfortable. I have constant thoughts that I should 🪦 myself because i’m a ped*phile and don’t deserve to live. I am absolutely miserable. I don’t want to be one but i’m afraid that I am. I feel super alone in all of this i’ve tried looking up others stories and none really have my experience per say. I hesitated writing this but I figured if anyone would be able to understand its the people in the OCD community.

"Pure" OCD

drak4

Date posted: 1y

you are not alone...many people with ocd go also trought pocd theme...you deserve to live happily... you say you deserve die for having some thoughts, but even people who are really p* and dont do criminal acts dont deserve sentencing in legal system, but treatment... you are not p*, you are a good person who fear her thoughts and has OCD... you even more deserve understanding, compassion and therapy... I had this theme and therapist reacted normal - it is standart OCD theme...yes it is really disgusting a horrific for us and that show how much we are diagusted by these thoughts and dont want them...these are intrusive...not voluntary...but you can get rid of them, but not paying them so much attention with fear...with therapy ERP, CBT, ACT and MCT...these all are helpfull

Cortina

Date posted: 1y

My treatment was soo helpful. I learned to make a list of my fears, the worst being 1 and the least being 10. 1-10 Starting with #10.. write out the fear.. and its consequences.. like “ I fear that I am _____, and because of that I fear that I am going to _______. Record this on a 3 minute loop tape. Lie down, in a relaxed state, put headphones on and listen to that loop for 1 hour.. until your anxiety levels drop.. do this several times a day.. when you notice that your anxiety from that subsides down.. from level 10.. to a 1.. then start working on #9 This was one of the most effective methods of treatment for me.. it was private and I could do as much treatment as I needed . Everyday was a better day, in my worse episodes of OCD because of this method. I hope this helps

Anomynous

Date posted: 49w

I will try this ! Thank you so much you are so helpful right now, I suffer with the same ocd subject it has been like living in hell to say the least. I am very tired, I've been having constant stress and anxiety lately, and it has made my symptoms skyrocketed they are so convincing they make me want to cry. I want to get through this and start a family, have a beautiful wife and kids, love them and take care of them as best as I could id give my heart out for my family but with those thoughts I'm so scared I don't want to hurt anyone.

Lulu~

Date posted: 17w

False memories + real events (TW: POCD)

Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT

POCD

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and gut feelimg

Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

Givenup

Date posted: 13w

Pocd and my situation

Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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POCD & Real Event OCD

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