Big crisis

Mornings are usually the worst for me. Today Im supposed to meet a person who Im getting to know (in my house) and the harm thoughts were unbearable in bed. It seems like i purposely want to think about it. And it is a horrible thought about killing. And then I start rrading Reddit and other posts. I start to imagine scenarios where I think “today is the day you do it” and I can see myself doing it. I read that psycopaths plan their actions and now i cant stop picturing myself planning these actions. And When I imagine myself planning it it feels so real. Then I cant cry and When I have tears in thinkmy eyes i feel like its fake. And When I to myself “i Will act on it”, I can actually see myself doing it. I can never distinguish if Im anxious or not. I could see the “checking feelings” compulsion in other thoughts. But not this time. It seems like I agreed with the scenario and I could actually do it. Please please help.

Harm OCD

mrmicsd

Date posted: 1y

And now I have to go to work. I cant function.

mrmicsd

Date posted: 1y

It is so hard, though. Because it seems like Im on the verge of acting. I have a history with ocd ( Ive had contamination episodes and rocd before), but harm is the worst and this time it seems like Im the real evil.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

One of the most, if not the most, effective therapy for this is ERP. I deal with harm thoughts, too, and ERP has been a Godsend for me. If you don't have a trained OCD therapist please get one. NOCD has many good ones, and trained OCD therapists know how to use ERP. Hope this helps.

mrmicsd

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! Thank you for the reply. I contacted an OCD specialist here now.

mrmicsd

Date posted: 1y

@Steven55! I really hope he can help me. Because I feel so bad. And I have to pretend Im not having Hugo guilt during the day. Its horrible. The therapy is a bit expensive, but I have to try it.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@mrmicsd Be sure he uses ERP I'm his practice. If he doesn't, he may not truly trained in ODC therapy. There are a lot who claim they know how to trwt it , but the don't. If he doesn't use it, the International OCD Foundation has a directory of qualified therapists, or you can go to the NOCD site and request a free consultation. All their therapists are trained. Hope thos helps.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

lu22

Date posted: 23w

Suffering a lot, need advice, have no therapy 🙁🙁

I feel like this time I can’t pick myself back up. It felt too real like I don’t even belive it wasn’t real I fully feel like it was my own feeling and I genuinely felt that. I had stabbing intrusive thoughts, I imaginined it on purpose to test my reaction and then it felt like I know how it feels to physically do that action (stab someone) and I like how it feels then I was getting these urge feelings and it felt like I wanted it and then I was imagining the thoughts again about stabbing someoneI care about multiple times and then It suddenly felt like I was really happy about the thought and almost like I really enjoyed it and realised why evil people enjoy doing these things like I felt what they felt like I’ve discovered a ‘thrill’ feeling of doing that evil thing and I can’t get over it I can’t figure out why it felt like that and now I’m thinking because it felt like I liked it and it felt good I will be curious about being evil or want to be evil to feel that feeling again and it’s really messed up and I don’t know what to do everytime I think about it it feels like there is actually something wrong with me I no longer have anxiety or feel really worried about the thoughts I feel numb and that feeling is really making me feel bad like I can’t live normally now it feels like I am actually evil now and I don’t even know if I have morals or if i would be evil or not. Normally with my thoughts no matter how real it’s felt I’ve managed to convince myself why I had a certain feeling and why it’s not real and why I’m a good person but this time it actually feels like that feeling was from me and I actually felt really happy and enjoyed or got a thrill from the idea of doing that horrible thing like I can’t even say it feels real because I’m thinking it is real I don’t know what to do 🙁🙁I’ve had ocd for a few years but don’t get anxious anymore and this feels like I’m actually bad or would want to do it because of that feeling

AJ Rose

Date posted: 22w

I’m having really bad thoughts of harm ocd

Im sleeping over my boys house and im having bad thoughts to hurt him and it’s like I can see myself acting on it. I never want to hurt anyone… I hope someone can comment or give me advice as I lie in bed watching crime documentary. It messes with my OCD creates false fantasies

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