Questioning if I’m wrong.

I posted on here before about a man who had been emotionally abusing me, I stood up to him and brought up the things that bothered me and he said “I don’t know what you’re talking about, did we have this conversation on the phone? Well you know I can only use what YOU tell me right??” And then talked over me the rest of the conversation. I got up, held my head up high and walked out despite there being tears rolling down my face. I cried silently, and made sure no one ESPECIALLY him saw it. I didn’t want to give him that power. We had other people in the room to help with the conversation, and most of them laughed and said “well she IS growing you know” as if this was nothing more than a teenage girl throwing a tantrum. He had been talked to about it before, and he came and apologized to me and backed off which at first I assumed he was actually sorry. However I overheard him yelling to his group of people saying “I’ve had trouble ever since I’ve been here! I had to apologize and take the blame for something I knew wasn’t my fault! Do you know how hard that is?? I didn’t even do anything wrong!” (He was referring to being reprimanded for the things he was saying to me, and this also comes after i set a boundary with him.) then during the conversation he said “I’ll take the blame I’ll apologize I’ll do this and that even though I didn’t do anything.” Which just confirmed that the apology he had given me was fake, because he never saw a problem with his behavior in the first place. I tried to speak up and advocate for myself, I even put it gently as to not make him think I was attacking him, and it still was my fault on everything. Now I’ve been wondering if I’m really the one who’s the problem, this isn’t a new thing either. For months ever since I met him I’ve been wondering if I’m a narcissist, and my OCD likes to replay that argument and make me wonder if he really was the innocent one and I was the one wrong. He’s admitted to talking to other people that I know, and said that they all thing I’m weak and not capable of something. When I brought that up, he said “I was trying to push you to be the best you can be, but clearly you’re not ready for that.” I just don’t know anymore. I’m so close to just slamming the door on not only him but also the rest of the people who side with him. Can anyone tell me what’s going on? Im not looking for reassurance, I would just like someone who maybe understands why he would do these things. He’s way older than me, I’m 17.

scutodragon

Date posted: 1y ago

The reason I hate my (not just my) ocd brain so so much is it’s always trying to work against you my real event ocd and just my ocd took away so much from me and those who have ocd I’ve spend my YEARS with envy at those who had the bliss of not having this hellish menace of a disorder ocd will always be the menace it Is and create terror in the mind

Ross Lyn

Date posted: 1y ago

I need help with a similar situation as well. My ex was and still is emotionally/psychologically abusive. But he’s so charismatic and easygoing on the outside that so many people don’t realize what he’s really like. I have to see him all the time and I have a panic attack every time I see him. It’s horrible. I wish everyone knew how awful he is. I feel like I’ve gotten so much more shy now because I can’t talk around him without being afraid he’ll shit talk me to everyone. It feels like a tremendous amount of pressure.

halc

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I also struggle trying to understand whether I'm in the right or wrong - am I being gaslighted or is my OCD gaslighting me? It's a very hard thing to work through and understand. Without knowing your situation or relationship it's hard to weigh in, but I'll give you a tidbit from my experience. I was with an emotionally abusive guy for 1.5 years. He would always call me names and tell me I'm not worthwhile. Eventually he started telling me what others thought about me - "they think you're weak, this friend thinks you're a major bitch, etc." I was devastated because I thought these people were also my friends. Then one day I decided to look at a text he just got from that friend (yes I know, snooping is no good!) and in that text chain it was my partner calling me a bitch to that friend trying to convince him that I am (trying to make himself feel better or right), not the friend saying that. This is a tactic for the emotional abusers to get you isolated from friends and family so that you can only rely on them. So although I can't tell you whether you're in the right or wrong in this situation, I would say I wouldn't tolerate your partner telling you what bad things OTHER people are saying about you. Don't believe him until you hear it from others. To me, it sounds like he is manipulating you. If this is the same guy you posted about in the "Tired of people assuming" post, I can say with all certainty he is not good to have in your life. Praising one second and putting you down the next is classic manipulation; the praises seem to make the low points worth it. But they're not and you deserve better. He seems like he just wants to keep you down to make himself feel better. And like you said, he's much older and you're 17. He could be targeting you because you're young and still figuring yourself out, the perfect recipe to manipulate. If you're unhappy around him most of the time, that might be a sign it might be a good idea to take time on your own without him in your life. It might be difficult and lonely at first, but that goes away once you see how much better you feel without him in a few months or years from now. And I understand not wanting to hurt his feelings (as you mentioned in the other post), but right now your feelings and wellbeing are the most important for you to focus on. Take care of you <3

halc

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y ago

I will also add, from your last post you said he had almost convinced you that you have no empathy and deserve the emotional abuse. You will NEVER deserve abuse, of any form. I have felt the same way before, "maybe this is what I deserve, maybe he's right to treat me this way". But I promise that is never the case. Please don't let him convince you anything of the sort. What you really deserve is a life of happiness and friendships/relationships that support you and make you feel like your best self. That will take time to understand as you get older and get more experience in different relationships, but you should feel good the majority of the time with the people you surround yourself with. And also remember, even if you want him to change and treat you better, he probably won't. Please take care of yourself and give yourself more grace.

Ellie.

Date posted: 25w ago

I’m not sure what to do some advice would be nice

I remembered something I did a couple of months ago that has changed me completely from trusting myself it was a conversation I had with my cousin and something they said unrelated made me remember this happening, I went into a full blown identity crisis i couldn’t walk out of my room or get out of my bed for months paranoid and scared of everything I’m still scared and feel like I don’t even deserve to shower I’m working on it slowly each day but I knew I had to get a therapist and I was diagnosed with ocd because of this event I remembered, and I just don’t know what to do…. I read online that it doesn’t matter how little or bad the event is it’s still ocd regardless when diagnosed but I know I have a compulsion to see others real events and it is nothing compared to mine which I shouldn’t compare but it’s difficult because no matter what I have to come to terms that it’s undeniably bad legally and morally what I did and it’s just so confusing how it’s something I JUST learned about months ago I’m literally in my mid 20s, and I went years without even realizing how troubled my childhood was and yes my real event happened during that time but I was still a teen and old enough to know better but I didn’t understand the magnitude of what I did at the time still no excuse though, this is where I don’t know what To do because 1. I already know what I did was awful and there’s no excuse for it 2. I can’t apologize in my situation that I don’t feel comfortable sharing specifics yet3. Yes I know I changed so much obviously I’m a grown adult now I know what’s appropriate and what’s not that’s why I’m so troubled over this and I never did anything like that again, I’m literally in the happiest relationship and seeing a therapist to also help me understand all this trauma, this event involved my cousin but even they are cool with me and very close as well hasn’t said anything I don’t know if they remember or not but it’s not something I can talk about with them at least not yet (again just don’t want to go in to specifics) but this is why is so confusing and has caused me to have intrusive thoughts about everything EVERYTHING the what ifs what if they remember what if I go to jail what if they hate me what if I’m denying who I have been and I’m this horrible person this whole time without even realizing and everything is a lie my relationship my joy for things what if I’m a ped, what if I can’t love or care what if I’m a person who just harms others manipulates I even spiraled thinking I was going to physically harm someone… it’s very bizarre to me because before my OCD my biggest anxiety was just having to learn how to drive…I’m in my 20s just to mention that again😭 I have probably almost all intrusive ocd categories, These thoughts never existed in my head until I remembered my event it has completely traumatized me but do I even deserve to feel better do I deserve to get help if I did something unforgivable do I move on or don’t? Should I even be living life I just feel guilty even breathing stepping outside I know for a fact if people knew they would never trust me they would feel like I probably should go to jail but do I go on to what others feel or myself? I know I wouldn’t harm anyone regardless of what my ocd tells me I never did anything like that again and wouldn’t but if it’s something that even legally I could be punished for does all of that not matter? I’m sorry I’m just trying to figure out what the right thing to do is , I’m continuing therapy and getting the help but obviously my therapist cannot say if I should be punished legally but even my boyfriend said that if I turned myself in they wouldn’t even take me seriously because I don’t even remember everything fully it was so long ago, but from what I do remember it’s still bad enough mainly just of me being a teen, I don’t want to make that event my identity but I just am so freaked out I feel awful what if I caused trauma to another person and all these years I didn’t even know, this event only happened once that I remember, there were things that happened to me as a child that would explain why it happened but it’s still not an excuse, I did a compulsion and googled what would it be called or the charges for it and the words that popped up triggered me to my core as anyone would feel if they were as stupid as me those words I googled are what monsters are so it’s hard not to think of myself as that it’s hard to not make that my identity if that IS what happened, is living with this guilt my punishment?I don’t want to give up on life I want to love and care and just love life I know this is complicated and a lot not much I can do but I’m just so lost.

Real Events OCD

GuiltyGrapes

Date posted: 23w ago

Why am I still here?

My life has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on. I (15M) did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect. I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. How can I ever move on?Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.

kelsey46

Date posted: 20w ago

Does anyone have narcissism OCD?

I am really scared of being a narcissist.. I’ve been in therapy and I feel like my therapist isn’t taking it seriously:( like if I am a narcissist I want to work on it I’m just really scared of harming people.. including my partner:( I don’t want be the reason he needs therapy and I don’t want to ruin his life. I’m scared I’m manipulating him somehow to want to be with me and I just don’t know what to do. I NEED to get this fixed before our relationship progresses but I just feel like I’m not being heard by therapists/psychiatrists We want to get married and have children but I don’t even know if I will be a good partner or mom. If I do have narcissism I just think it would be best if I left him alone :( I don’t know what to do I know that people will say that narcissists don’t care about hurting other people or things like that but I just don’t know how true that is. I also have really mean judgmental, cruel, and hateful thoughts about people and I feel like that means I’m a narcissist

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Questioning if I’m wrong.

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community