Question?

I hope you are all doing well! In December, I’m getting ready to move in with my boyfriend, whom I adore more than anything in this world. In 2021, I moved out with my ex and the relationship was toxic. When I mean toxic, I mean verbally and mentally abusive. When I started having and ROCD flare up, I started feeling scared to move in with my boyfriend in December. I’m scared that it’ll be the same routine as it was with my ex, even though my boyfriend now is nothing like my ex. Is this ROCD that’s causing this much anxiety and questioning? Or maybe some slight form of PTSD? Or what do you think is going on?

Relationship OCD

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

I would say a lot of the feelings you are getting are normal considering the last time you lived with a bf it went badly. Are you spending long periods of you day ruminating and worrying about this to the point where you're feeling really anxious, uncomfortable and can't think or feel anything else? Do you do any physical complusions to try and neutralise the anxiety or is just mental rumination? Remember that living with someone is a big step from just being in a relationship with them but you should congratulate yourself for wanting to take that step again. Was your previous relationship toxic before you lived together or after you moved in?

EmilyNichole

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 I spend a lot of time ruminating and try to calm myself down. I didn’t have this issue until I started having my ROCD issue. It doesn’t help whatsoever but i feel it’s a habit. Toxic is an understatement to my past relationship. He cheated and mishandled money so I was stuck with all the bills. I cooked and cleaned. He was a man-child until I had enough. That’s the tip of the iceberg. My boyfriend now is nothing like him. Maybe that sheds some light on this situation that I have some form of PTSD.

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

@Emily2703! Was your previous relationship bad and toxic before you lived with your ex partner or did it become toxic after you moved in together?

EmilyNichole

Date posted: 2y

@Joe87 It was so toxic before and after. So both. It just got worse when we moved in.

ps13

Date posted: 2y

You’re scared, it’s understandable. Just take the time to ensure that your current bf is someone you know won’t hurt you the same way. Men of good honor would still try to take care of the situation cordially if for some reason y’all were to break up during ur lease. If you want to live with him, u have to try it. Just try to watch for any patterns you might not like, or ones you do like and make the decision!

Joe87

Date posted: 2y

Okay I asked because if it was okay before you moved in together it could further explain why you're experiencing high levels of anxiety over this relationship going the same way but it sounds like this one is good. The facts remain though that you are feeling anxious about this and its making you ruminate and feel uncomfortable. I think that is purely because of your previous experience and it is normal to feel that as anyone would. Can I ask if you have forgiven your ex partner for his behaviour towards you and by that I don't necessarily mean that you have communicated to him that you have forgiven him. I mean forgiven him within yourself in order for you to be able to move on and live happily? Also have you been diagnosed with ocd?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond