- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 1y
Turning my Hard Day as Hope for Others💚
Well today was a typical Thursday for me. Working both jobs from morning to night. As I'm walking out to my car to head to my other job, I notice this man across the street. He was standing near this step where I've seen this girl sitting from time to time. I've already assumed this girl is underage because I just associate people sitting outside their door with kids who are underage. So as I'm walking to my car, opening my door, BAM! I am hit with an intrusive thought, where "what if that girl was there and you said whatever and went up to talk to her anyways." When I tell you I froze, I literally froze up. My one leg was in the door, one arm still on the door.. what happened in a split second felt like forever. I could sense my mind preparing to start ruminating, "what if this, or what if that?", and feeling the need to confess. Idk how else but God helped me into my car to head to my work and do my job. What I want you all to see is I kept going with my day. To be honest, I wanted to ruminate and panic. I wanted to hide and seek reassurance. We've all been taught, or hear that we have to learn to sit with that uncomfortability. I remembered that the practice of not ruminating should feel effortless. Not easy to resist but shouldn't require a tin of effort to stop ruminating. Like being told to stop solving a math problem. We wouldn't question it, we'd just agree and move on. So I remembered that as I was on my way to work. I did my best to not direct attention towards it, or away from it. I just went to work and did my job. I can still feel the intrusive thought from this evening lingering in the back of my mind but I'm deciding to do anything else BUT get back on that "treadmill" (going back to ruminating). Matter fact, when I got Home, I decided to go to the gym. Now after showering and prayer, I am here. I ramble on a lot but my whole point is that WE can continue on with our days despite a "barricade" popping up out of nowhere. This metaphor just came to mind, so it may not make any sense but think of road construction that you don't see till last minute. We don't just sit there till the work is completed? No, we follow the detour to continue to where we were heading. Not letting that random construction prevent us from going to do what we want. Guys, I cannot lie and make it seem like this is all easy and I never struggle. To be transparent I hate my OCD. I'll spare the very expletive words I gave for the OCD but I'm sure you can relate lol. It's hard to not let the OCD consume you and to not let it paint you as the monster it tries to portray you as. I have to remind myself constantly to stop playing "tug-of-war" with the OCD trying to tell the OCD I'm not a pedophile, or whatever else it wants to make me think. But I catch myself when I notice I'm starting to slip into rumination and give into the "maybe I really am xyz.." Living a life with OCD is hard. The hardest thing I've ever had to encounter. I can promise that we can still enjoy our life. We can still laugh and enjoy the little things as long as we dig deep. Almost like when a bully is trying to be like, "your ears are like an elephant". Wanting us to get upset and freak out. Instead, we choose to laugh and go along with it. There's hope for us, guys. We are not alone here. In a way, I consider us all family because we all deal with the beast we call OCD. Let's enjoy the little things this weekend and all of time. Find something that makes you laugh. I'm talking where tears are coming out you're laughing so hard. Thank you for reading my novel😂. I tend to go overboard with typing and rambling...as you can see. Anyways, have a great weekend. 💚