Relationships

Every relationship is different, nobody is gonna act the same and nobody’s perfect, right? Me and the guy I’ve been exclusive with have been seeing each other for close to a year now bur we’ve been exclusive for around 5 months. We aren’t official but at the same time we aren’t not. I’m his first proper relationship and he’s really struggling to know what to do and what not to do, and how to balance both our relationship his family relationship and work/collage, which I respect because I’m also struggling, he’s my first official thing. But I keep comparing him to what others say he should be or stuff he should do. Like making me a “priority” or doing this that and the next thing when I’ve had a chat with him about it all and he’s struggling to find time for himself let alone other people so he feels really bad fnag I feel a bit pushed aside when he doesn’t mean to. He makes me so happy he truly does and I’m fine with the way our relationship is rn, I’m in no rush and we are moving at our own pace, not the one people say we should have. Is that okay to do. Recently as well he’s been battling some hard depressive episodes and I’ve been there for him the entire way, as well as that I have been dealing with similar issues as well to which he’s tried his best to be there for me. We can’t meet up during these periods because my family don’t like having people over and I haven’t met his yet, but also he doesn’t drive and I do but the last week my car has been in the garage so it’s been hard to see each other. But we’ve been communicating everyday and talking everyday about everything on text and sending pictures and it’s been really nice. But today I woke up really depressed and I told him to which he asked me why and told me it’ll pass and all will work itself out and the stuff people are saying to me doesn’t matter, the fact I’ve been stressed about not knowing where I’m going he said look that doesn’t matter. He told me to sit back relax watch a film and try to do nothing for a couple days which to me is really nice advice. He made me feel better. But at the same time I feel he ignored some of the message which kinda stressed me out and I’m worried that means something! So for example I said I wish he could be here with me csn we meet up soon, he didn’t say anything to it. Granted he is at a football match so he probably got a bit distracted so s nice message which I got anyway made me feel better. But I keep listening to people and now I feel like I’m noticing changes in him and idk if that’s just because we are now really comfortable with each other and know we both aren’t going anywhere so we don’t feel we have to make as big of a show of things anymore, or if he has just lost interest (to which I’ve asked multiple times and he’s rejected the statement). It’s hard for me to deal with these thoughts. I love him so dearly and k think he does me as well, but we’re both trying to navigate an adult relationship but I feel rushed because other people are rushing me and making me feel bad about him and putting images in my head that I don’t need. I’m having a really rough time with it atm and could do with some help. Idk what I’m doing

Relationship OCD

Anonymous100...

Date posted: 1y

Hi! So I’ve had the exact and let me tell u exact situation, with my boyfriend of over a year now, finding a balance is difficult yes but it’ll eventually even out, as for making you a priority I heard this saying where your partner should be a planet in your solar system not the whole solar system, in the time he finds for himself try to find stuff you like to do I know it’s very difficult to be alone with yourself when you have ocd, I usually will watch smth and crochet or smth don’t let other people rush you, whenever I asked my sister or brother in law they would say oh he should’ve said I love you by now but I knew that when he eventually did he truly meant it, I’m very happy you found someone who is trying their best to be with you it’s hard to be greatful because ocd makes you need an excessive amount of reassurance

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous10000000 Thank you! This resllr did jusr help my overthinking. I’m always worried I’m meant to be his number one and nothing else and that he should be with me 24/7, but the thing is I don’t think that like at all and if he was I’d be worrying why he isn’t out, but people convince me it’s meant to be I’m his main priority. Idk I’m like really stressed out atm and it’s not getting easier

Koalasinpyja...

Date posted: 1y

TV or stereotype relationships are 🐂💩. Why should we fit into this cookie cutter expectation of what a relationship is. All the matters is the two people are on the same page because they are the only two in the relationship. I was thinking this the other day, if we think about sexuality and how diverse and broad it is then why can’t what people call their relationship be any less diverse and unique to them. I think the pressure of trying to be a stereotypical relationship is toxic thinking and unfair to ourselves, as long as the people in the relationship are on the same page then that’s all that matters x❤️‍🩹 I hope that helps a little x ❤️‍🩹 If you want to talk more I’m here but if you don’t feel comfortable to that’s fine x

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@AnonymousMouse🐭 Thank you. I do completely agree with you and I’m trying so hard to not allow myself to listen to people and give into this stereotypical relationship. I am happy with him and I hope he’s happy with me. I guess my issue is the fact he can sometimes be a lil reserved and a lil confusing but always open to talking it through. So like when I asked if we can meet up soon he didn’t reply to it, I’m thinking why and I’m thinking oh this means he now hates me, when in fact he’s out busy with his day, and that’s allowed. People make me think I’m coming up with excuses for him and fnag irs not okay, but it’s reality and I’m finding it hard to juggle reality with everyone’s else’s outside options of our relationship. Of course I’m a lil angry he ignored me, and I made that clear to him so he better not do it again, but this is normal and our own. I’m just worried I’m ignoring all the bad signs, even though in my eyes he has some things he needs to work on and I know that but I don’t wanna give up on him jusr because of these “red flags” society have no made me overthink. But thank you, you did very much help me x

Koalasinpyja...

Date posted: 1y

@Ruminationstation You said he’s “always open to talking it through” that to me is a green flag 💚. I get that too with friends even for example if they don’t reply straight away or miss something out I feel they hate me and I’ve done something terrible so I can relate to that x It’s good you made it clear to him that you didn’t like that he ignored your question because communication is key and you can tell a lot about a person through how you resolve problems together. What are the ‘red flags’ everyone keeps pestering you about? (If you don’t want to share that’s fine x)

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@AnonymousMouse🐭 Yes that’s definitely a major green flag for me and the majority of what he does is and he doesn’t have red flags really, it’s more like stuff happens that I usually wouldn’t care about but because society now have these expectations about how someone is meant to act I read into things he does way too much. So for example he used to message really flirty before we became exclusive and it felt like he was idk like his messages felt fuller back then, but even though when we meet up it’s all of those things it’s perfect I feel so loved, his messages sound a bit dull and a bit sad. And the thing is I know he’s going through a lot and he’s finding it really hard to find any time for himself like he’s ridiculously busy but that’s another thing. When people say “if he wanted to he would” that’s not actually how life works when we’re 2 full time working adults and we struggle to make time or he’s exhausted as he’s a manual labourer. It keeps feeling like I’m making excuses but this is what’s happening I don’t know how else to explain things. Like for instance he’s out rn drinking with his football team and my dad went “well why aren’t you with him” well because we both have different friendship groups. And then I was messaging him about the fact I’ve just had a breakthrough with my family saying he’s allowed to come over (sorry the age must seem really weird as I’ve just called us adults I’m 22 he’s 19 and we both still live at home) so I told him and he was excited but then said “idk when I’m gonna be free mind” and then I said well as long as you still want to we’ll make time and he said “yeah ofc we will” ans then I said “I like knowing you still want to” ans he went “yeah” like I feel like I’m reading into things tok much I’m worried as hell he isn’t bothered but realit is he’s just out. Right??

Koalasinpyja...

Date posted: 1y

@Ruminationstation Ignore society and focus on you two that’s all that counts. I wouldn’t read too much into texting focus on the actions of him and how he acts in person. Maybe he’s just not that good a texter and I hate that phrase too “if he wanted to he would”. If ocd or just life didn’t get in the way I would do more and be a ‘better’ person but it’s unrealistic. People get tired and anxious and like you said he’s going through tough times too then it’s even harder to push and make time so don’t worry too much about that silly phrase it’s emotional manipulation. Doesn’t mean someone likes you more or less because everyone is going through their own 💩 and therefore the phrase is unfair. Hope this helps abit x❤️‍🩹 I’m still here if you want to talk more x

stuckonathought

Date posted: 1y

@AnonymousMouse🐭 Ignoring society is definitely something I’ve been trying to do and recently I did manage to do jusr that but the last couple of days I’ve been in the worst mood possible so now all I’m doing is listening to society. I’m watching TikToks telling me “If you do this you’re slowly destroying your relationship” and now I’m beyond worried that’s what I’ve done! Like when I was having my episode he helped me through it but what if that’s destroyed our connection. Me being unable to be okay. Just keep reading into his words too much, he feels weird and it might be because he’s hungover but he’s stopped sayinf studd like “I miss you” and “it’s okay darling” when he was drunk. So now I’m a lil freaking out. He feels off and I think it might just be me thinking it’s me and actually he’s going through a lot rn and I need it be there for him and be able to tell myself it’s not me but it’s so hard. But honestly yes your advice and words are helping me so much I’m sorry I’m renting again 😂 x

Koalasinpyja...

Date posted: 1y

@Ruminationstation No worries. I’m glad I could help abit 😊❤️‍🩹 I hope things get easier and I understand how hard ocd can get so don’t be too harsh on yourself either ❤️‍🩹

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Gmoki

Date posted: 22w

Relationship

I feel so bad I overthink abt everything my bf says and does. I think that if he doesn’t say x y z when I want reassurance then he must’ve stopped caring or is tired of me. I know it’s not the truth and he gives me NO reason to think this way. This is my first healthy relationship and I want to be in each others lives forever. I love him so much and I’m trying my hardest to manage these thoughts but I’m so anxious. It’s so draining I feel helpless and like I can’t go a day without checking his social medias. I want us to be the best versions of ourselves for eachother but idk where to start or how to manage this feeling.

Doopydoowa

Date posted: 10w

Please help-relationship advice

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.

Relationship OCD

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