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Hello. I joined this app because I realised my experiences might be due to OCD. I often have these really disgusting and terrible pictures of me becoming someone horrible, doing horrible things to others. These ideas really disturb me, and often in my mind, and physically sometimes, I literally scream quitely to myself, "Shut up!" Over and over until the image goes away, but unless I distract myself with something else immediately after, it comes back and gets worse. I also end up looking back on these thoughts, and being terrified that maybe I am thinking of this because it is what I truly want, so I end up desperately trying to filter my thoughts, and this ends up carrying into something like SO-OCD, even though I am confident that I am a straight male, and there is no evidence that I am not, I keep trying to prove to myself that I am straight to make the thought go away. I also get the fear that after I maybe do something and say something I know I maybe shouldn't have to someone, that when they leave, or I can't find them for a bit, they have gone to commit suicide. Likewise, I also get intrusive thoughts of me killing myself, even though I have no desire to, and this scares me a lot as well. I used to occasionally get these thoughts in chunks like maybe for 2 weeks and then I wouldn't for another few weeks, but they have gotten worse and more frequent this past semester. They are still not bad enough to actively effect my daily life and routine, but they definitely come frequently enough to distract me, disrupt what I'm doing and make me take a break, and it has dramatically effected my mood and mental state lately. Do you guys recommend any ways to deal with this, is this really severe enough to even call OCD? Would love to hear, thanks! ❤️

Can harm ocd give you thoughts like when you’re in front of a trigger “why don’t you do it” and sometimes I either freeze don’t know what to do with myself and then an urge to throw the item away. Is this something else? And sometimes I get thoughts like “what if I’m lying to myself” and “do you think you’re lying to yourself”

I’m having an OCD flare right now, and my brain is telling me “you don’t have a sense of self.” A few days ago, I felt confident and grounded. But today, my brain is looping on every reason why I must be “unstable.” For me, the things that trigger this fear are: • Looking back at past versions of myself and feeling like they don’t fit who I am now. • Cycling through different interests and worrying that means I’m just trying to “be someone.” • Feeling doubtful when my mood shifts (like going from confident one day to grumpy the next). Questioning my treatment choices: one day thinking I need OCD residential, the next deciding I’m fine sticking with my therapist. OCD tells me this back-and-forth means I’m unstable. • OCD telling me, “See? This must mean you have BPD.” Logically, I know people change interests, grow out of past phases, and feel differently depending on context. I also know I have consistent themes (music (specifically metal, electronic, rap (but of course my OCD makes me question if I really like it), horses, fairness, sensuality, authenticity, health, art, certain aesthetics… etc.). But when OCD flares, it makes me doubt everything and convinces me I have no solid identity. I’m also PMSing, tired, and hungry right now, which makes the OCD voice louder. It feels real, even though I can recognize it’s probably just OCD doing its thing. Note I also have ADHD + OCPD + BDD I have been told by four therapists and one psych that I do not have BPD. But of course “what if they’re wrong.” “What if they’re not telling me.”