If I don’t confess to my mom now I can’t sleep at all and then can’t function the next day. I overcame all of this and was on medication but I lost my job and just got out of a bad relationship with a guy who made my ocd much worse, so I’m back to confessing all the bad things I’ve done to my mom. She was a perfectionist when I was growing up and would think any small thing was the end of the world (and I think that contributed to my ocd developing). Now I bring up embarrassing things I’ve done for reassurance that nothing bad will come from it but it’s stuff too embarrassing to tell your mother. I don’t have insurance now for medication and I try to meditate and use cbd oil or vitamins but nothing works and I resort to wine and cigarettes to calm my stress.

Ever since my OCD started when I was 14 (I’m 26 now), I get the biggest relief from confessing to my mother. It is getting harder as the years pass to resist the urge. I always feel like confessing all of my past mistakes and sins, even though a lot of it will upset her. But I always get a wave of calm across my body every time I get reassurance or a reaction from her. Idk why at 26 I feel guilty not telling my mom everything. I don’t even know anymore when it is appropriate to vent to her like a daughter and when it’s my OCD telling me to seek reassurance for the wrong reasons. I think of my past mistakes and feel so guilty around my mother.

Ugh some days I’m 100% sure I did it….others im 80% then It’s 50% then it’s 20%…then it’s back to 100% the urge to confess is so huge I can’t just sit with it….I kinda told my mom somewhat….and she didn’t wanna hear because she knows about confessing with ocd and that people shouldn’t give in to it or give reassurance but I really think I did this awful thing….my brain is convinced I need to type of consequence….as if having ocd isn’t a bad thing already 😒

Please , please… someone give me some advice who is or has been in similar situation?? I need to stop confessing to my partner. I know it hurts him, he said he knows I cannot control that I have a mental illness, or that I have these thoughts in my head but not to put them in his head, he doesn’t want to think about them which is understandable it’s not just random thoughts it’s intrusive thoughts revolved around ROCD, SOCD mostly are my ocd themes that I confess to him… we have spilt up over this before and he gave me another chance and just continues to do that, because I just keep doing it, I know what I’m doing, I know it’s wrong, but the anxiety ocd gives me nothing else will calm me until I confess either to him or if it’s not him it’s my mum, either way I’m still confessing the difference is it doesn’t hurt my mum when I confess, she can handle it, my partner cannot. I hate myself for doing this, I don’t know how to get out of the OCD haze… best way I can describe when I feel anxious over ocd is a feeling of DOOM. 😔😭 please pray for me… please pray for my partner, my daughter, mother, everyone who is affected because of my mental illness… 🤎