I was better for a while. Always have the thoughts of breaking up, but today is more intense i cant stop crying, and my anxiety is higher. Im so scared i dont want to break up, but then another thought comes up of me not seeing a future with him and it makes me doubt everything. HELP
I get this fear too. What helps me is just reminding and thinking to myself that everything will be ok, just take deep breaths and just take life one step at a time and everything will be okay.
@Feraro I feel like i do struggle with taking it step by step. It’s so hard, i wish i got some clarity on that, like it’s hard to make plans because i doubt of the future, but at the same time i know i dont want to be without him, but something convinces me that the best decision is to break up when i dont want to. Like making plans for vacation etc, moving in together all that it’s hard because i dont want him to go through this and not be happy, because im not sure since im always scared and anxious, i sometimes I sit down and think, how different it would be if i think positive and believe everything will get better. But my mind doesn’t allow me to do that i always get a thought after everything i say or do with my bf
@Anonimo05 Sometimes i feel guilt for making plans because i doubt that things will work out even though i really want them to, and I worry what will happen to those plans. It’s just important to push aside all the thoughts and just doing our best to live in the moment. It’s rly hard. I’ve broken up with my current bf 3 times just because of my ocd and freaking out (we werent officially dating the first 2 times tho). We got back together, i don’t know how he has the patience to deal with my bs and how he managed to gain trust in me. He is deeply religious like me so ig us both praying together and believe everything will work out for good helps. I sometimes just worry what if i make the same mistakes again and people will think our relationship is toxic even though it’s all my fault. He and i have gone through so much i feel like if we don’t end up together for life than what was the point of it all? Like he has to be the right one.
@Feraro Wow, i understand you! Im so scared like sometimes im calm and start thinking that i dont need my bf anymore, and that he’s the one making me anxious. I often have everything mixed, for example my anxiety of being in closed spaces, my fear of death, fear of us breaking up, and the fear of what if im lying to myself, but i dont want to lose my bf, and i start to think what if im just using him, or something else. So it’s like i dont get a chance to have some rest in my mind. I try to be happy but it’s hard. I’ve also made bad decisions in the relationship, and that makes it worse because i feel like he doesn’t deserve this, like he deserves a normal person, and a normal relationship. So i feel guilty for making him go through this day after day. One time we kind of broke up for literally a day and in my mind i was like oh i feel relief, but that was actually a lie. I just dont want to lose him, but being disconnected and so depressed makes it harder to be present and be there for him. At the same time it’s like i’m scared to make plans, i get anxious whenever he talks about being intimate, in my mind (what’s the point), idk my mind has made me believe such things. I just want to be myself again, and stop getting these thoughts and break up urges because i dont want to, but it seems so far away to ever feel better with him, not anxious or scared to think of our future.
@Anonimo05 Please help me, I'm in the same situation right now
So me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months but seriously talking for around 8. I have never met anyone so perfect and amazing. I love him so much. Into our talking stage i kissed my ex situation-ship and ever since have been dealing with the consequences. He forgave me and gave me another chance and i have shown him how much i care every day since. He is over it now since it was only in our talking stage. I have had thoughts with my ex name, thoughts i hate my boyfriend, always constantly thinking if im bored, if i love him. It switches day by day and impacts my life constantly. I don’t feel like myself at all. Some days i can’t do it. I just want to be happy and secure with him. my thought from the past few days is that i want to be single and hook up with other people. I don’t actually want to hook up with others but i feel so terrible and guilty. Does anyone else deal with this? Sometimes i can’t tell the difference between my real thoughts and the fake ones. I have been debating breaking up with my boyfriend because i feel like it’s best but i would be so sad. He is perfect and i see myself marrying him.
I’m having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. I’ve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I don’t know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and I’m going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. I’m in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that I’m going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isn’t an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. I’m seeing him this weekend and I’m filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
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