Rocd

@iamhereforyou Omgg congratsss, you got this 🫶🏼

@bdiz96 It is, but i feel like we can’t let it win. I know for me is very hard, but what then? We give up and that’s it? Ocd won’t leave, it’ll wait to attack something else. I am scared trust me, what if we move on and then break up etc etc. It’s annoying and debilitating. I know i dont want someone else, i know i want all this with him, but with ocd i find it hard to think positive and see light at the end of that tunnel

@bdiz96 What’s helping you to continue with your life, plans, your partner etc. I also have anxiety and im always feeling like im out of breath, lije im about to go crazy, or die. Soecially after i wake up from sleeping, my anxiety is very bad and i start calling my bf to calm myself down. But i feel bad bc of how i been for these 2 yrs, and i dont want him to feel like im a baggage or too much.

@Anonimo05 Hey, I won’t say it’s easy and I’ve been in a bit of a rut since the end of August. What helped me the most is being honest with my partner after 5 years of being with him and talking to him about my ocd and themes, which was hard! I try not to do it compulsively. He encouraged me to go to the doctors which I did I have been put on sertaline and I am now receiving therapy. It has been a really hard journey for me to open up about my thoughts I suffer from rocd, so-ocd and have dealt with other themes in the past. When it comes to my relationship I know I have been clingy recently, so I have been trying to not distance myself but also not be with him all the time. My fiancé also works nights so I have a lot of time alone and time to ruminate, I’m trying to allow thoughts to come in and then leave again without reacting and feeling the anxiety. Im struggling with the self acceptance thing as if I’m honest I don’t accept my thoughts as reality but I’m working on it. I also struggle with sleep and always wake up anxious and gagging, and I struggle with the fact I feel I’m wasting his time but I’m trying to sit with it.

@bdiz96 Can you please tell me how to keep going? How can i go out, spend time together, make plans without this constant fear that we have to break up, because i dont see a future together, because is not going to work, or because im scared to stay together and feel anxious all the time. Meanwhile i DON’T want to break up. Pls reply 💖💖

@Anonimo05 You have to remember all in all it’s you that calls the shots, not ocd. You can make decisions based on your own values. You have to take ocd along for the ride which is easier said than done I know and something I honestly do still struggle with? It is that you struggle to spend time with your partner?

@bdiz96 I get anxious because i start thinking whats the point if we are going to end up breaking up. Then i freak out because i dont want that. And then i think oh maybe that has to happen so i can be happy and stop being anxious etc (lies). My mind is the one that doesn’t allow me to be present, to show love, to accept love, to be calm and at peace, to be intimate etc. It affects everything, so im really scared because its like a fight in my head, it started 2yrs ago. I confesses a had cheated multiple times, so in my mind i have enough proof thats not going to work out, although my boyfriend is totally find and doesnt even think about that. But i have this constant fight in my head back and forth. I love him, i know that. But ocd makes me doubt everything. Im mostly scared of staying and what if we break up in the future, what if my ocd gets bad etc

@Anonimo05 Okay, so can I establish that what you want is to stay together? Also is the cheating thing something that happened or something you are scared you’ve done?

@Bdiz I want to stay together, and it happened. Thats how this started, i woke up on a random day and after a few hrs i had this urge to confess, like really bad, and then i told him. Thinking it would make me feel better, i started being scared it was going to end. Convinced ever since

@Anonimo05 But at the same time ocd makes you doubt that you want to stay together, its super crazy. I never thought of breaking up before, only when we were like 2 months lol but it didnt happen, we are going to have 5 years in november. But idk im scared i keep thinking it has to end because is not gonna work etc, not seeing a future together and all the rocd thoughts, but i dont want to leave him

@Anonimo05 So it sounds like his response was to forgive you and he wanted to continue the relationship also? It sounds like there is a lot of guilt and shame around that experience for you.

@Anonimo05 I think one of the big things for you is to forgive yourself and accept that happened.

@Bdiz Correct

@Bdiz I think it is because i think sometimes that it has to end because he doesnt deserve this, i dont deserve the love he gives me

@Bdiz I really do, i still feel guilty after all i’ve done to the person that has loved me the most. Even he said that he should be the one feeling like this and not me, because he was the affected one, and he’s fine. That he doesnt know why i feel so bad

@Bdiz I’m just all over the place because i have many different thoughts, and get anxious if he’s giving me love or anything nice, in my mind im like why is he doing that if we breaking up anyways. I also had gotten so scared thinking what if we break up and i go back to my ex, NO NO NO. I got so scared and anxious i dont want to experience this anymore

@Anonimo05 I understand that feeling of not deserving someone’s love. I often feel like that when I judge my partner. He loves me unconditionally and I often think to myself ‘why?’ I think your guilt as horrible as it feels shows that you do really care for him and that you don’t want to hurt him. I would suggest maybe planning a date night? Even if it feel uncomfortable push through it. Has the intimacy side affected your relationship a lot?

@Anonimo05 Also do you mind me asking where abouts in the world you live? I might be able to suggest some services that have helped me if you live in the UK

@Bdiz Yes it has affected intimacy a lot. Before i was never like omg lets go, but i was open for it. Not i dont even mention it, i feel weird when he sends me funny posts about it, or makes plans

@Bdiz I live in the US🥺

@Bdiz Thats why i rescheduled an appointment with my therapist, but she’s not an ocd specialist, she’s a individual and couples therapist, helps with the past, childhood, patterns etc. So i definitely still need help in that aspect about my past. But it worries me because im not doing anything for my rumination, and scared therapy would make it worse, but so far it didnt she just told me that i either win the fights to my thoughts or have to leave that relationship. 😪😪😪😪

@Anonimo05 I don’t know how your health services work there, are you able to access free or affordable therapy? I think it may help you to talk to someone

@Anonimo05 Sorry just seen this message

@Bdiz It’s ok, the only thing the appointment is for november 1st🫠 but my therapist is not in the us, she’s in another country online. So far so good, but im constantly scared to attend because i have to face my fears etc

@Bdiz Do you think talking to my therapist would help in some part of it

@Anonimo05 I understand that, I kept my ocd a secret for 7 years. I had therapy 3 times before I opened up about my actual thoughts and fears. I will say therapy often makes things feel worse before they get better but facing your fears is the only way to overcome them.