Relationship?

I’m really scared and frustrated. I was doing okay. Yes I had intrusive thoughts here and there but I was able to calm myself down till now. So I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and 11 months almost two years basically and so the other day some kid randomly pretended to hit me (old friend) and I was like “what the hell count your days” then I told my bf knowing he wouldn’t like what that kid did and he didn’t and my bf said it sounded like I was playfully playing with that kid to for saying count your days but I said it as a joke I wasn’t being for real. So I started to feel like I can’t talk to guys without my bf getting upset or jealous. Like personally I joke around a lot with my friends I’m really funny I say random things, use accents, just anything and people laugh and I feel like I can’t do that with guys cause then my boyfriend will get upset. So it makes me feel kinda trapped like if I can’t talk to males or do things like I used to like yes I know I’m not supposed to be touchy like of course not I love my boyfriend but I don’t want him to tell me to not talk to males but then it sounds like I want male friends and I hate it cause I shouldn’t want that it’s more like I wanna be able to have a convo with one without my bf obv getting upset or jealous. Then again it just sounds like I want male friends and I hate that so much. It makes me feel and think do I miss being single and free?? Like no being single was so boring now I have my bf I don’t wanna think about being single and free my mind tells me to go be single and mess around like I used to. I don’t want to. I hate the words “don’t commit young go out and explore” because it makes me feel like Im missing out and I don’t wanna do that you know? Like why can’t I just be happy and secure in my relationship :/ without these thoughts. These are the most bothersome thoughts ever. I don’t wanna think about them nor do what they tell me but it feels like I do but no :/

Relationship OCD

hcf

Date posted: 1y

Sounds like you two need to set your own boundaries. That came off rude. But that’s how I’m reading into it. You both have totally opposite views. You both should sit down and talk this through. You’re going into your second year of dating, this is usually the point in relationships where everything will feel like a test. Trust me, I’ve been in a few relationships. I’m going into my 5th year with my husband. Sit down, talk about what you want out of this relationship, what your goals are what his are and what your goals as a couple are. If they don’t match up then there more conversions to be had. Not everything needs to be perfect. But if he’s expressing to you how he is uncomfortable with you chatting with other guys, then you should respect what he says. And if you still want to venture out and chat with others guys then he should respect that. Telling him “hey, my friend from school was talking to me about…..” and close it off with saying he’s just a friend, we talk all the time, whatever you need to to make your boyfriend feel secure. Just think about if the roles were revered? You’d want reassurance. Clearing the air about what you two want or need out of this relationship will help☺️

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.