I think I made it worse

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Hi, I’ve just read your bio. I’m in a similar situation to you, I’m engaged to a man who I have been with for 5 years and I love. I want to plan my wedding but I’m scared that I’m lying to him, my family and everyone else. How did you get through this? Did you plan your wedding with ocd or did you somewhat recover before? Or did it hit afterwards?

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Because when I’m in an ocd flare up it feels so real. I get intrusive thoughts about women that I don’t enjoy. It got so bad that I lost attraction for anyone and everyone. The funny thing is this started when I was 19. I’d not had any crushes on any boys for a while when a random thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay?” Then that was it I spiralled with it because it felt so unnatural to me. I met by fiancé when I was 20 after my first episode with soocd. It went away for a while but it flared up again when he proposed to me in February. I’ve recently been honest with him about it and I’ve suffered with what I believe is rocd and pocd. I’m receiving therapy at the minute but not with NOCD but my therapist said to me which was helpful that I would of figured out if I was gay by now if I was. Just tiring and I hate the intrusive thoughts I hate comparing attractions to people. I’ve become distant with my friends and family because I get thoughts about them. It’s truly an awful illness.

@Ilovemyhusband0322 The thing is as well, I’ve always been a big lgbtq+ ally. I have friends and family who are gay so it wouldn’t be a big issue if I was but I just don’t identify with it.

@Ilovemyhusband0322 My fiancé says this, he said he has them all the time but just doesn’t put meaning to them

@Ilovemyhusband0322 It’s when I get stressed because I saw a woman who is attractive. A quote I read which helped me a bit was “We can appreciate art, that doesn’t make us an artist” Thank you for taking your time to reply to me

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Such wise words. Only someone who has gone through and experienced it can tell it better. Thanks for moving forward no matter what helping others

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Even that was triggering for me, it’s crazy how it works isn’t it

@Ilovemyhusband0322 It’s all part of it unfortunately. It’s okay , trigger me. But idk what helps me honestly . It just feels so real for me honestly

@Ilovemyhusband0322 Endlessly about just about everything and the feelings and thoughts and urges and stares

@Ilovemyhusband0322 I was before but haven’t for months

@Ilovemyhusband0322 I’ve was diagnosed by two different therapists on here

@Ilovemyhusband0322 I think maybe I should and I am tbh