Does anyone feel like you have had so many crazy disgusting thoughts you aren’t even anxious anymore. You are almost bored or just irritated at them. Like why and I still thinking about this!!!

All the time

Oh thank goodness!!! I know that was reassurance but I was just gong through a series of thoughts and thinking ok it’s getting worse and I’m not even that bothered by it anymore.

Is okay. Is not as bad as other reassurances. You have to understand you get used to thoughts and your imagination is so massive you can imagine every situation in where you could be. But the way to fight this unkind thoughts is to see that this is how anxiety works. When you start to feel better, it comes back to activate you and tell you: "But is this really okay? If you are not bothered anymore is that okay?" Tell yourself, yes. I am ok ocd. And distract yourself with something.

Well, so I thought I was feeling better and told my brain, ok let’s think about this thought I won’t push you away and my brain conjures up an image for it and it makes me sad and hurts me but I don’t feel anxious. I’m just sad I even have the thought now and it’s gross but I can’t stop thinking about it. Then there goes the “do I want this”? “Is this some secret fetish”? Then I think if it is then I want to kill myself.

I don’t know why my brain even has these images bc I’ve never seen it. I’ve heard of the acts but not even specifically. It’s like I take adult acts I’ve done then it’s transferred to the image of a child or baby. It’s insane. It’s disgusting. Like I’m not really shocked anymore it’s just like eww gross. Why in the world is your brain picturing this? I feel like a disgusting pedofile. If I sit in the thought long enough I feel sick and want to run and scream. I just don’t understand if I don’t want these things or to perform these heinous acts why my brain even lets the imagination of them in?

You are not going to loss yourself. Thoughts are just thoughts, not actions. Sometimes ERP can be really hard so give you your own time to do the exposure. Just think: Do I really need to loss my time with this now? Is really that important right now? The only thing you knoe about this is that in the end it just make you suffer and never gives you any answer. So why should I continue doing this kind of behaviour?

I can’t imagine going through ERP therapy and telling another person these things. I truly can’t imagine. It is the sickest thing imaginable.

Because this scares you and makes you feel bad. Because you are human. When something worries you, you used to worry about it because is important to you. We don't want to feel bad, we want to erase them instantly. Some people just tend to obsess more about it. Probably because all the bad behaviours that you keep repeating plus all that anxiety that your fear makes you feel.

I know is hard but if you keep doing erp by yourself maybe you would get worse. Seriously, a good therapist is not going to judge you. I am also not judging you now. Just by reading you I can tell you are in pain about this ♡ You are not crazy

I just can’t believe I actually can even think these thoughts about a precious baby. It’s so sick. I hate myself and want to die.

We can just think about everything in this world. That doesn't makes us any monsters. The problem is not the thought but the way we obsess about negative things. Don't hate yourself for having ocd. Everyone can suffer from it in any point of their life. You are not alone in this.