I’m afraid ocd has changed me. It’s so hard for me to pray that I’ll still be straight or not to have my fears come true like in the beginning. That makes me anxious. I’m afraid to lose my fear because then what if it comes true. I’m afraid I’ll like it and just naturally change. I can’t explain it
Ik how u feel. I have the same to me. Jus remember, was this u before ocd came along? If it was real, wouldn’t u like these thoughts as ur desires? Don’t forget who you were. Ocd will make it as real as possible but u jus gotts leave it to uncertainty for now. I know how u feel cuz I’m the same. If I say maybe maybe not it gives me thoughts like “what if I end up liking it?” And then I jus get scared more. I was never like this. Ocd will latch onto anytbjng of ur past. Don’t let it man. Jus live ur life try be you as much as u can. See SOMEKNE. I’m Strting erp this week.
I guess my problem is that my ocd is trying to convince me that this hocd is what I like and desire these thoughts. I don't want to be gay, but it i feels like il lying to myself when I say that. I don't want to be gay I hope im not gay. How do I get my desire of being straight back?
@Anonymous Yes I feel like I’ve lost the desire and lost the belief of who I was before. I still don’t want it to change me. I don’t want to be ocd free if it means I won’t be straight. I’d rather the ocd
@Anonymous Idk man. My sex drive is gone and I can’t even get erections anymore. I think we jus gotta leave it to uncertainty so we face Less anxiety. And everhing will slowly come back. Trust me it’s a uphill battle. I hate it I feel numb with girls now. I jus feel uncomfortable and disgusted at the thought of being with a guy but being with a girl jus feels like home ibr
@Anonymous02 The ocd does not change u!! Once the ocd is gone, u will find urself as u was before. Nuffin will change trust me bro. I know because I overcame this before. It went away for 2 years and came back now. It’s jus ocd. When u learn to battle ocd, u will see ur straight desires come back like mine did. Now mine are gone cuz of my sex drive going and I get less erections. Trust me
@Anonymo12 I hope, so see its different for me with erections. I've always checked with gay porn, and never get erected to it. Even before hocd I hated seeing the guy in it. I still get erected to women when watching it but feels soulless like watching through the screen. Literally what I'm struggling with like if get into my feelings and say I don't want to be gay, i get this huge doubt feeling and it's suck. And zero anxiety sucks as well
@Anonymous My brain also tells me if I work on accepting it then I will feel better. But I don’t want to accept it.
@Anonymous Ur lucky. That was me 5-6 weeks ago. I was still able to get erect on girls and feel it. But now nuffin at all. It’s weird
@Anonymo12 I'm sorry to hear thay
@Anonymous And then now, if I do get erect on a girl, it ll doubt it and say “it wasn’t on a girl, u didn’t get erect on the girl” and if I watch gay porn I feel sick and disgusted hate it so much. Now, if I don’t get anxiety I’ll get anxious because it ll say stuff like “oh u like it that’s why ur not anxious” and jus ruin my day further. My girlfriend was very supportive but because of other reasons we have had to break up. I wish we can reunite soon I’d do anything to spend my life with her. I love her so much even now. I’ve cried 3 times praying we reunite the best way and marry too. If I have marriage in my mind for a girl I jus know I’m not gay. I hate everything with a guy it jus isn’t me I know I’m straight and ik it’s ocd
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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